Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are late 40's/early 50's and our youngest is going to college this fall.
We are so ready to move and downsize, but not sure where because my husband still needs to go "into the office" several times a week.
Our neighborhood has changed; when we moved in it was all young families with kids our kids age, but as the kids have grown those families have moved out and younger families have moved in.

Ideally I'd love to wait a few more years and move into a 55+ community somewhere in the south west like AZ or NM. Maybe my husband can arrange more fully remote.

No it hasn't. It's still filled with families with young kids.

You have changed.

Agree. We are now the old people in our neighborhood but when we moved in 25 years ago we were the young people with pre-schoolers. Many of the original people on our street have moved. We will move in the next 5 years.

We gift them money for a very significant downpayment so the young family can buy a home that suits their needs. Their needs are much greater than ours.

What don't you understand? We downsize significantly to be able to do this.

Anonymous wrote:For DH and I, our overarching theme we don't want to be living in a more expensive home than what our adult children can afford. Once they are settled, married and starting a family. It would just seem inside-down to us. In comparison to them, we don't want to own in an area of the better commute, the better school district, not when we don't need them.

This makes absolutely no sense. After 30+ years of working, we need to live in a home that is less expensive than adult children who are just starting out and may have young kids can afford?

Can you explain why this makes sense to you?

Also, it's upside down.

Anonymous wrote:We are late 40's/early 50's and our youngest is going to college this fall.
We are so ready to move and downsize, but not sure where because my husband still needs to go "into the office" several times a week.
Our neighborhood has changed; when we moved in it was all young families with kids our kids age, but as the kids have grown those families have moved out and younger families have moved in.

Ideally I'd love to wait a few more years and move into a 55+ community somewhere in the south west like AZ or NM. Maybe my husband can arrange more fully remote.

No it hasn't. It's still filled with families with young kids.

You have changed.

our issue is that we dont know where to move or live. We have moved a few times and have a few friends in different places but not a big community where we live now, and we have no idea what our kids will want to do or where they will live...and they wont figure it out until after we retire (they will still be in their 20s, as we are older parents). We each have siblings in california, but not sure we can afford retiring in san diego or LA, and not sure where our kids will land...mostly I am trying to figure out how to afford care, so my kids are not stuck with taking care of us.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We're waiting to see where our kids settle, so at least until they are out of college. Initial plan was to move to another state, but now that they say they might want to stay in home state it would make zero sense to sell and downsize: We have a nice house in a great place and buying near us for cheaper would mean a crappy house/condo with today's prices and rates.

Grown kids move away. My siblings, my spouse's siblings, most moved away from their home city, some across the country, while others across the pond.

We encourage our kids to explore the world, and they have expressed their desire to live some place other than the DC area. They might live on opposite coasts.

We can't follow both. IMO, we will pick some place that is near a large airport, so that it will be easier for visits.

My point is they might not since they love where we live. If so, we are going to stay put. I'm not from the US myself so I realize one/both might move as well.

Anonymous wrote:We're waiting to see where our kids settle, so at least until they are out of college. Initial plan was to move to another state, but now that they say they might want to stay in home state it would make zero sense to sell and downsize: We have a nice house in a great place and buying near us for cheaper would mean a crappy house/condo with today's prices and rates.

Grown kids move away. My siblings, my spouse's siblings, most moved away from their home city, some across the country, while others across the pond.

We encourage our kids to explore the world, and they have expressed their desire to live some place other than the DC area. They might live on opposite coasts.

We can't follow both. IMO, we will pick some place that is near a large airport, so that it will be easier for visits.

Anonymous wrote:
Because you want a smaller home, and only old, small, homes exist in your desired area?
I can sympathize with that... it's the same where I live.

We are foreigners with dual citizen kids raised in the US. The question for us is WHERE to retire. The kids feel American, but legally they're allowed to live and work in the EU as well. Do we return to our home country? Healthcare is cheaper, but we might be far from our kids. And not to put too fine a point on it, but I've lived a very cosmopolitan life, and want the same for retirement, which means wherever I end up, the cost of living will probably still be high, because it will be in or close to a metropole.

ditto -- spouse is a dual citizen from UK. We are planning to retire early, so we might go live in the UK for a couple of years before I can qualify for medicare. We will pay for private care in the UK which is still a heck of a lot cheaper than in the US.

We will downsize and put the profit we make on the sale of our big suburban close-in home towards helping our children financially, now not when we die, so they can buy a bigger home, with the better commute, in an area of better schools. That's what they need, and they need it now. Not us.

We're waiting to see where our kids settle, so at least until they are out of college. Initial plan was to move to another state, but now that they say they might want to stay in home state it would make zero sense to sell and downsize: We have a nice house in a great place and buying near us for cheaper would mean a crappy house/condo with today's prices and rates.

Anonymous wrote:The average life expectancy for a woman age 55-59 in the US is 87, with an average average healthy life expectancy of about 80. Those of you in your 50s who are thinking you have to downsize and prepare for frailty/disability now may really be jumping the gun.

My mom stayed in our family home of 50 years (they renovated several times --and kept it updated and fabulous condition) until she turned 80 (5 years after my dad passed away).

She misses the garden and yard sometimes--but she is in a fabulous 55+ community where when she needs it--she can move over to the assisted part.

If my dad were still alive--I don't doubt they would still be in the home. My mom is more like a 60-year old than an 80-year old (looks and moves that way). My dad was the same, but sadly passed away from cancer.

They always told me that living in a multigenerational area like DC was best for the mind and aging. My parents socialized, went to the Kennedy Center and Fords theater and all the new restaurants (dad was a foodie). They still hosted friends. They traveled. BUT--most of all they lived near their grandkids who they absolutely adored and were a huge part of their lives.

My dad's parents left the NE for FL and hated their final years. They also had several friends move at empty nest and many hated their new location. My dad said that you should live all 4 seasons in a location before you even think of retiring there. Get a good feel before you permanently move. He had a work lunch group with all the guys he worked with for 35 years that all stayed in the area too.

We bought a home that is the perfect size. It is not large. It has 3 bedrooms/1 bath upstairs. The basement has a bedroom and full bath. It is in a VERY walkable area. IT has just the right size yard--can be mowed very quickly--but nice patio and garden area. 2 blocks from Metro. The attic was also finished.

We don't have to downsize. People are looking for houses our size to downsize to from their 3,000-5,000+ homes, but they aren't building them anymore in my neighborhood. Anything that gets torn down has had a 6 bedroom, 5 bath home built in its place.

We like being 2 miles to DC and walking to all our exercise studios, restaurants and stores. Most people stay forever.

We thought about buying another property in Maine or somewhere we like to visit for part of the year--but we held off because we like traveling other places. Most likely, I will do what my aunt and uncle do--rent somewhere a few months in the winter (or more likely for us in the DC summers because we can't stand the heat and humidity).

Our kids will likely stay in this area too--their intended line of work fits the best here.

Anonymous wrote:Here’s what you could do: begin organizing and simplifying your life right now. Get rid of excess everything. What are you storing, for instance? Seasonal decor you really don’t like or use or feel like unpacking every year?

Saying all of this because I’ve experienced cleaning out my grandparents’ and parents’ lifetime homes and it’s work-intensive even if you end up hiring pros.

So I’m saying no to keeping anything we no longer need, going room by room, closet by closet and donating and reorganizing.

Valuable feedback- thank you!

The average life expectancy for a woman age 55-59 in the US is 87, with an average average healthy life expectancy of about 80. Those of you in your 50s who are thinking you have to downsize and prepare for frailty/disability now may really be jumping the gun.

Anonymous wrote:For DH and I, our overarching theme we don't want to be living in a more expensive home than what our adult children can afford. Once they are settled, married and starting a family. It would just seem inside-down to us. In comparison to them, we don't want to own in an area of the better commute, the better school district, not when we don't need them.

This makes no sense unless you are planning to give your kid your better- located home. Otherwise, how does getting rid of it help your child? Couldn't this actually hurt your child, if you move to an area that is more remote, less accessible to amenities, including health care, just to preserve some overarching theme? It could certainly hurt you.

I'll also add that my parents have owned 2 houses (not at the same time) in retirement that could be seen as nicer/better located than mine, and I've always been thrilled that we have such a place to visit. Before they retired, they lived in the small town I was raised in, and visiting them there with young kids was not great-- so little to do. So much better to visit them at their other homes, with fun things to do nearby.

It's because of this experience that I will try to do what my parents did: live somewhere that my kids want to visit, with enough space to host them.