This is a tough situation. I think if you cancel on the friend, it’s probably the end of the friendship. She obviously doesn’t think there’s anything wrong in just announcing this.
If I valued the friendship, I would go but insist on my own room. Do you have kids? Maybe I’d bring my kids too and just make it a mother / child trip.
Then I would never do another trip with her again.

Your friend told you she’s bringing kids and a dog. She didn’t ask. I think that’s the key. Give her her half back and go alone or with someone else.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:if she is your friend, and she is having a rough time of it, you just support her, and try to have fun. It's just a weekend.

This.

+1. It’s fine to be disappointed and want to vent but then take a step back and think about what’s important— is it not being around kids for this weekend or your friendship?

Don’t share the room. Bring your kids too. Going away on a girls trip over memorial day, for 4 days, is kind of weird.

No way would I share a bed with her. I agree with air mattress for the kids.

Why can’t you each still have your own room? Kids can sleep on sofa bed in living room or with mom.

Anonymous wrote:Same PP here. Another alternative is to give her back her half, and you find someone else to go with, if that’s possible. Or go solo and enjoy. I love my solo getaways.

I agree with this.

Anonymous wrote:if she is your friend, and she is having a rough time of it, you just support her, and try to have fun. It's just a weekend.

This.

if she is your friend, and she is having a rough time of it, you just support her, and try to have fun. It's just a weekend.

No, you don’t split 4 ways. You split by bedroom, and you each get a bedroom. Where and how she arranges people in her bedroom is her problem. But I wouldn’t want to go on that trip if I were you. I’m a single mom, and when I consider taking a trip and think about asking childfree friends to come along, I’m planning to pay for their accommodations, because I know we are a handful, and this isn’t a vacation for them. It’s more of “spend a few days being an aunty.”

OP you are completely right to draw a line that works for you. I have 2 kids and have never done a 'girls weekend' sort of thing. But the whole point is to have time without kids. So because of your friend's babysitting issues, you're going to leave your kids at home to spend the weekend with her and her kids - that's not remotely reasonable! Start with that, and figure out what is the best outcome for you - either you suck up the costs and take the place solo, or offer her the same, or find another friend to come along in her place. And for god's sake, no sharing a bed with a friend in your 40s!

It’s presumptuous that your friend didn’t ask if it’s okay with you to bring the kids and dog. I wouldn’t feel badly about canceling or at least having your own room. If it were me, I’d just tell her we’ll do it another time when she has a sitter and send her back the money.

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn’t want to go either unless I was bringing my kid and it was a kid centric trip.
I would tell her that you really wanted a kid free weekend and that you are happy to reschedule. Then either go alone or find another friend to go with.
The dog wouldn’t bother me, I’m probably the person who would bring a dog lol.

I love love dogs, but a dog in a rental can be complicated. Sandy or muddy paws, how they are in a strange place by themselves when you leave them to go out to eat or to the beach. There are complicating factors

Unexpected changes in plans are so hard! It’s understandable that you’re disappointed! I agree with the others that you tell her that this isn’t the trip you had in mind, and you tell her the two of you can take that trip another time. You pay for the whole thing and go without her.

Treat her like you would a sister- that's probably how she thinks of you. She probably really needs this trip, but if you do too and the kids and dog will significantly take away from it, cancel.

We have a annual girls trip and my 47 year old friend had surprise baby. She was breastfeeding and said she wouldn't come. We insisted she bring him and worked around that. She was so grateful to be able to sleep late and rest.