Anonymous
04/03/2024 09:14
Subject: Mother criticizes me for taking family on vacation. How would you respond
I have a line I used to use with my mom that is obnoxious but worked. "that's funny, I don't remember asking for your opinion". She got the hint.
Anonymous
04/03/2024 09:06
Subject: Mother criticizes me for taking family on vacation. How would you respond
Anonymous wrote:Don’t respond, don’t apologize and don’t defend your choices. It’s your family and you get to go on any vacations you want. Change the subject and quickly say you need to go when she starts. Hang up the phone.
We grew up poor but my parents LOVED vacations. As kids, we did too and got so excited because they were excited. We always went on yearly vacations. Now, that might have been a day drive to a local lake where we had a picnic or on a really good where they were able to save, one night in a cheap motel near that lake. We never ate in a restaurant. But we loved it and they instilled in us a love for vacation.
We are UMC now and all I have is happy summer memories of my childhood. We have taken my children all over the world, different types of vacations than I had, but hopefully they have a yearly love of vacation too. That’s what matters.
+1. We did the same beach trip every year with my mom’s family where we all crowded into one rental house and all the kids slept in sleeping bags on the floor and I loved it. My LMC grandmother would take bus trips across the country because that’s all she could afford and I inherited her love of travel and I’m not going to apologize for it. Travel isn’t just spending money. As another PP said, it opens people’s (not just kids) eyes to the fact that there is a whole world out there beyond the limited view they’re exposed to in one town/city. As long as you’re not traveling at the expense of paying your bills or saving for retirement/college, who cares? It’s your money.
Anonymous
04/02/2024 20:40
Subject: Mother criticizes me for taking family on vacation. How would you respond
Don’t respond, don’t apologize and don’t defend your choices. It’s your family and you get to go on any vacations you want. Change the subject and quickly say you need to go when she starts. Hang up the phone.
We grew up poor but my parents LOVED vacations. As kids, we did too and got so excited because they were excited. We always went on yearly vacations. Now, that might have been a day drive to a local lake where we had a picnic or on a really good where they were able to save, one night in a cheap motel near that lake. We never ate in a restaurant. But we loved it and they instilled in us a love for vacation.
We are UMC now and all I have is happy summer memories of my childhood. We have taken my children all over the world, different types of vacations than I had, but hopefully they have a yearly love of vacation too. That’s what matters.
We grew up poor but my parents LOVED vacations. As kids, we did too and got so excited because they were excited. We always went on yearly vacations. Now, that might have been a day drive to a local lake where we had a picnic or on a really good where they were able to save, one night in a cheap motel near that lake. We never ate in a restaurant. But we loved it and they instilled in us a love for vacation.
We are UMC now and all I have is happy summer memories of my childhood. We have taken my children all over the world, different types of vacations than I had, but hopefully they have a yearly love of vacation too. That’s what matters.
Anonymous
04/02/2024 20:39
Subject: Mother criticizes me for taking family on vacation. How would you respond
Anonymous wrote:Don't feel bad. You're not even coming close to "spoiling" them with a trip to Pigeon Forge. *eye roll*
Travel is a wonderful way to open a child's eyes to the rest of the world. I know people who have never left their state, and I find that so depressing. My kids are 12, and I've prioritized travel in our budget for their growth and my own mental health
They've been to:
Hawaii - Maui and Oahu
Acadia NP in Maine
NYC
Salem, Mass to learn about more about witches after watching Wednesday
Hershey Park in PA
Disney World
Paris, Brussels, Amsterdam, and London in one trip
Mexico, San Diego, Disney Land, and Santa Monica in one trip
Myrtle Beach
Charleston
Savannah/Tybee Island
Jekyll Island
Multiple parts of Florida
Lots of quick beach trips to the NC or SC coast
A long camping trip out west to visit, Arizona, NV, CO and Utah. We did a bunch of national parks
Houston, TX to visit family
And I have so much more planned for them. I'm hoping to make them world travelers in their own right and future travel buddies when they become adults too.
I would rather go to pigeon forge than your list.
Anonymous
04/02/2024 20:32
Subject: Mother criticizes me for taking family on vacation. How would you respond
Anonymous wrote:Don't feel bad. You're not even coming close to "spoiling" them with a trip to Pigeon Forge. *eye roll*
Travel is a wonderful way to open a child's eyes to the rest of the world. I know people who have never left their state, and I find that so depressing. My kids are 12, and I've prioritized travel in our budget for their growth and my own mental health
They've been to:
Hawaii - Maui and Oahu
Acadia NP in Maine
NYC
Salem, Mass to learn about more about witches after watching Wednesday
Hershey Park in PA
Disney World
Paris, Brussels, Amsterdam, and London in one trip
Mexico, San Diego, Disney Land, and Santa Monica in one trip
Myrtle Beach
Charleston
Savannah/Tybee Island
Jekyll Island
Multiple parts of Florida
Lots of quick beach trips to the NC or SC coast
A long camping trip out west to visit, Arizona, NV, CO and Utah. We did a bunch of national parks
Houston, TX to visit family
And I have so much more planned for them. I'm hoping to make them world travelers in their own right and future travel buddies when they become adults too.
Good brag.
Anonymous
04/02/2024 20:29
Subject: Mother criticizes me for taking family on vacation. How would you respond
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Don't feel bad. You're not even coming close to "spoiling" them with a trip to Pigeon Forge. *eye roll*
Travel is a wonderful way to open a child's eyes to the rest of the world. I know people who have never left their state, and I find that so depressing. My kids are 12, and I've prioritized travel in our budget for their growth and my own mental health
They've been to:
Hawaii - Maui and Oahu
Acadia NP in Maine
NYC
Salem, Mass to learn about more about witches after watching Wednesday
Hershey Park in PA
Disney World
Paris, Brussels, Amsterdam, and London in one trip
Mexico, San Diego, Disney Land, and Santa Monica in one trip
Myrtle Beach
Charleston
Savannah/Tybee Island
Jekyll Island
Multiple parts of Florida
Lots of quick beach trips to the NC or SC coast
A long camping trip out west to visit, Arizona, NV, CO and Utah. We did a bunch of national parks
Houston, TX to visit family
And I have so much more planned for them. I'm hoping to make them world travelers in their own right and future travel buddies when they become adults too.
This is such a bizarre response, congratulations for taking your kids on lots of vacations but the list was unnecessary!
+10000
People in this area have a weird fetish for travel and love to one-up each other on travel
Anonymous
04/02/2024 20:27
Subject: Mother criticizes me for taking family on vacation. How would you respond
Anonymous wrote:We just got back from a Spring Break trip. It was truly not anything elaborate...we drove seven hours away to Pigeon Forge/Gatlinburg. I spoke to my mother for Easter and she went on a tangent about spoiling the kids (7 and 9), most people don't get to go on vacations each year (which may be true), making sure they're not entitled, I have too much money, etc.
For context, I grew up really poor and NEVER went on vacations or trips as a child. Not once...not even a day trip to the beaches that were only about 3 hours away. Now, I'm doing fairly well financially but I still try to be responsible. We've only done fairly ordinary vacations: Disney once, Delaware regularly, took them out of the country to an all-inclusive in Mexico last year so her comments have really started bothering me (and didn't travel at all during the height of the pandemic).
I am thankful we're able to provide things I didn't have and I understand her limited perspective (as far as how often vacations should occur), but I'm struggling with a response (if it's worth responding at all). We're actually taking the kids to Europe in a few months and I don't even want to let her know because I know it's going to result in disbelief and more of these types of comments. But it's also not the type of thing that could stay a secret for long.
Any advice? She and I have a strained relationship that's gotten better lately, but this is really bothering me and I think news of the Europe trip is going to strike a nerve.
I think she probably feels bad she didn’t get to do those things when she was your age.
Anonymous
04/02/2024 20:24
Subject: Mother criticizes me for taking family on vacation. How would you respond
Anonymous wrote:You can’t change her but you can change how you react to her.
Amen.
Don't react.
Don't justify.
There is no answer that will satisfy her. She's looking for a reaction and by not giving it, you won't cede the power she wishes to her.
Anonymous
04/02/2024 20:03
Subject: Mother criticizes me for taking family on vacation. How would you respond
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Don't feel bad. You're not even coming close to "spoiling" them with a trip to Pigeon Forge. *eye roll*
Travel is a wonderful way to open a child's eyes to the rest of the world. I know people who have never left their state, and I find that so depressing. My kids are 12, and I've prioritized travel in our budget for their growth and my own mental health
They've been to:
Hawaii - Maui and Oahu
Acadia NP in Maine
NYC
Salem, Mass to learn about more about witches after watching Wednesday
Hershey Park in PA
Disney World
Paris, Brussels, Amsterdam, and London in one trip
Mexico, San Diego, Disney Land, and Santa Monica in one trip
Myrtle Beach
Charleston
Savannah/Tybee Island
Jekyll Island
Multiple parts of Florida
Lots of quick beach trips to the NC or SC coast
A long camping trip out west to visit, Arizona, NV, CO and Utah. We did a bunch of national parks
Houston, TX to visit family
And I have so much more planned for them. I'm hoping to make them world travelers in their own right and future travel buddies when they become adults too.
This is such a bizarre response, congratulations for taking your kids on lots of vacations but the list was unnecessary!
+10000
Anonymous
04/02/2024 19:13
Subject: Mother criticizes me for taking family on vacation. How would you respond
Anonymous wrote:Don't feel bad. You're not even coming close to "spoiling" them with a trip to Pigeon Forge. *eye roll*
Travel is a wonderful way to open a child's eyes to the rest of the world. I know people who have never left their state, and I find that so depressing. My kids are 12, and I've prioritized travel in our budget for their growth and my own mental health
They've been to:
Hawaii - Maui and Oahu
Acadia NP in Maine
NYC
Salem, Mass to learn about more about witches after watching Wednesday
Hershey Park in PA
Disney World
Paris, Brussels, Amsterdam, and London in one trip
Mexico, San Diego, Disney Land, and Santa Monica in one trip
Myrtle Beach
Charleston
Savannah/Tybee Island
Jekyll Island
Multiple parts of Florida
Lots of quick beach trips to the NC or SC coast
A long camping trip out west to visit, Arizona, NV, CO and Utah. We did a bunch of national parks
Houston, TX to visit family
And I have so much more planned for them. I'm hoping to make them world travelers in their own right and future travel buddies when they become adults too.
This is such a bizarre response, congratulations for taking your kids on lots of vacations but the list was unnecessary!
Anonymous
04/02/2024 19:12
Subject: Re:Mother criticizes me for taking family on vacation. How would you respond
Anything I do with my children that deviates at all from how my mother raised me gets a snarky comment. Even though I’ve told her so many times that things have changed and I don’t judge her. For example juice being a special occasion drink versus an everything thing when I was a kid. Back then, that was seen as healthy since we didn’t drink soda!
I don’t think she was a bad parent for giving us juice at every meal and I’ve certainly never implied that! But she is so offended, constantly over everything. And reacts by criticizing me and being snarky.
It’s exhausting but I do my best to ignore it. What else can I do?
I don’t think she was a bad parent for giving us juice at every meal and I’ve certainly never implied that! But she is so offended, constantly over everything. And reacts by criticizing me and being snarky.
It’s exhausting but I do my best to ignore it. What else can I do?
Anonymous
04/02/2024 19:09
Subject: Mother criticizes me for taking family on vacation. How would you respond
Don't feel bad. You're not even coming close to "spoiling" them with a trip to Pigeon Forge. *eye roll*
Travel is a wonderful way to open a child's eyes to the rest of the world. I know people who have never left their state, and I find that so depressing. My kids are 12, and I've prioritized travel in our budget for their growth and my own mental health
They've been to:
Hawaii - Maui and Oahu
Acadia NP in Maine
NYC
Salem, Mass to learn about more about witches after watching Wednesday
Hershey Park in PA
Disney World
Paris, Brussels, Amsterdam, and London in one trip
Mexico, San Diego, Disney Land, and Santa Monica in one trip
Myrtle Beach
Charleston
Savannah/Tybee Island
Jekyll Island
Multiple parts of Florida
Lots of quick beach trips to the NC or SC coast
A long camping trip out west to visit, Arizona, NV, CO and Utah. We did a bunch of national parks
Houston, TX to visit family
And I have so much more planned for them. I'm hoping to make them world travelers in their own right and future travel buddies when they become adults too.
Travel is a wonderful way to open a child's eyes to the rest of the world. I know people who have never left their state, and I find that so depressing. My kids are 12, and I've prioritized travel in our budget for their growth and my own mental health
They've been to:
Hawaii - Maui and Oahu
Acadia NP in Maine
NYC
Salem, Mass to learn about more about witches after watching Wednesday
Hershey Park in PA
Disney World
Paris, Brussels, Amsterdam, and London in one trip
Mexico, San Diego, Disney Land, and Santa Monica in one trip
Myrtle Beach
Charleston
Savannah/Tybee Island
Jekyll Island
Multiple parts of Florida
Lots of quick beach trips to the NC or SC coast
A long camping trip out west to visit, Arizona, NV, CO and Utah. We did a bunch of national parks
Houston, TX to visit family
And I have so much more planned for them. I'm hoping to make them world travelers in their own right and future travel buddies when they become adults too.
Anonymous
04/02/2024 17:35
Subject: Mother criticizes me for taking family on vacation. How would you respond
I would just ... not tell her. She has a lot of complicated feelings wrapped up in pride and shame over the childhood she gave you and how you turned out and you doing ANYTHING differently than she did makes her feel Big Feelings and processing those is a lot of painful work she simply may not be interested in. Best to just get on with your life and keep the peace by not telling her.
Anonymous
04/02/2024 17:15
Subject: Mother criticizes me for taking family on vacation. How would you respond
OP, I can totally relate on two levels.
First, I also grew up very poor, and now am top 1%. I've always wanted to travel, and now I do. I really love being able to show my kids the country and the world, and I like being able to do it comfortably.
Second, my mom quite palpably resents me, and chooses passive aggressive ways to make sure I know. It's not confrontable: I've tried; it devolves into denial, gaslighting, and then telling her friends, and my siblings how much I suck. It often relates to money and the basic narrative is that I am a rotten greedy person.
I aspire to acceptance, but it's not so easy. It's hard having your mom be your worst detractor. I do think the right path is acceptance (for me -- maybe there is hope with your mom). It's just hard to implement.
PS - Your vacations are not remotely extravagant!
First, I also grew up very poor, and now am top 1%. I've always wanted to travel, and now I do. I really love being able to show my kids the country and the world, and I like being able to do it comfortably.
Second, my mom quite palpably resents me, and chooses passive aggressive ways to make sure I know. It's not confrontable: I've tried; it devolves into denial, gaslighting, and then telling her friends, and my siblings how much I suck. It often relates to money and the basic narrative is that I am a rotten greedy person.
I aspire to acceptance, but it's not so easy. It's hard having your mom be your worst detractor. I do think the right path is acceptance (for me -- maybe there is hope with your mom). It's just hard to implement.
PS - Your vacations are not remotely extravagant!
Anonymous
04/02/2024 17:02
Subject: Mother criticizes me for taking family on vacation. How would you respond
My MIL gets upset when we take vacations that don’t include her. I don’t mind having her come on some of them but she now expects to be included on every summer trip and gave us a major guilt trip when she found out she wasn’t invited. She thinks she is owed trips with her grandkids and we don’t love her if she is not included. I don’t know where this expectation comes from but it appears to be a problem for numerous parents.