I'll never understand people who choose to marry someone with a certain career and career goal and then whine about how they don't like that career? You want someone who makes bank in the private sector? Why did you marry a professor or someone who wanted to be a professor?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's really unclear what your focus is here, op. The crappy job or the crappy husband. That's why people were confused.

Agree the post is totally confusing but since she put it in the relationship forum I am going with crappy husband, exacerbated by what appear to be pregnancy hormones exposing a high level of nastiness.

Nailed it.

Op is a selfish dimwit. The only ones who are going to suffer are the kids

What about insurance?

Can you really not get by on a professor’s salary and whatever income you could generate with a less stressful job? Have you taken a close look at your expenses for what you could cut back on? Do you have an expensive home? Cars? Hobbies?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's really unclear what your focus is here, op. The crappy job or the crappy husband. That's why people were confused.

Agree the post is totally confusing but since she put it in the relationship forum I am going with crappy husband, exacerbated by what appear to be pregnancy hormones exposing a high level of nastiness.

My husband is not overall crappy, but I have begged and pleaded for years for him to bring up his income so that I could dial back at work, and despite various avenues to do so, he has refused to even try.

I am wondering if I just stop contributing income how he will respond since he has a year sabbatical to figure it out plus plenty of savings.

If he doesn’t even try to figure it out I will divorce him. I can’t stay married otherwise; the resentment will give me cancer.

I don't think resentment causes cancer. If you hate the guy divorce is clearly the right answer although I wonder why you chose to have another kid with him. If you feel he has some redeeming qualities why not hire some household help? I have always been the primary breadwinner by a large margin and we outsource some things and DH picks up significant responsibilities, including all the cooking. Maybe you need marriage counseling.

Also the turning off the direct deposit to your joint account to see how he responds is stupid and manipulative. If you can't have a normal conversation about this then it probably is time to divorce.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What has the husband actually done wrong? Also, what “hobby job” has a sabbatical?

This is clearly a troll.

I am not a troll. My husband is a professor. To me this is a hobby job because he could 3-10x his income in the private sector if he felt like it. But he doesn’t feel like it when I make everything possible at the expense of my health and ability to be a good parent.

Most professors make a decent income. I get that you may be feeling overwhelmed right now, but you seem to be lashing out in multiple directions and in ways that aren’t necessarily productive.

You’re married with a child and another one on the way. For the sake of your family, I think you need to take some deep breaths and get a better handle on what’s getting to you.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That's not "quiet quitting", by the way. Quiet quitting is still doing your job, just not going crazy over-and-above your job. Sounds like you're just quitting (or wanting to - which you can't do by just disconnecting your direct deposit...which is another separate issue).

I am typing from my phone so that I don’t type this from my work computer, and so I’m taking shortcuts.

I connected a personal account instead of joint account, and yes I will still do my job, but if I get a message from daycare that my daughter smeared poop in the bathroom, I am going to stop what I am doing and research OTs and make an appointment and take her. I am going to shower once a day and do my nails. I am going to meal plan and grocery shop. And if my work performance drops I am not going to worry about it or care about my annual performance review.

Lol you think moms who work and do a good job at work don't shower every day, do their nails, or cook? You really shouldn't be raising children, you sound like an incompetent idiot.

Yeah this is weird. It’s not like working moms are just existing in the world unshowered and without time to call and make medical appointments. If OP is worried about managing basic self care and her job, then she should downshift. But this is not the norm at all for working moms.

Oh yeah. Breadwinner moms never complain about having time to fit everything in. I’m completely imagining that societal theme.

If you’re the breadwinner and he is on sabbatical then why can’t he handle the daycare calls and grocery shop?

Wouldn’t that improve your life? Why do you only want him to provide money? Can’t he do anything else?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's really unclear what your focus is here, op. The crappy job or the crappy husband. That's why people were confused.

Agree the post is totally confusing but since she put it in the relationship forum I am going with crappy husband, exacerbated by what appear to be pregnancy hormones exposing a high level of nastiness.

My husband is not overall crappy, but I have begged and pleaded for years for him to bring up his income so that I could dial back at work, and despite various avenues to do so, he has refused to even try.

I am wondering if I just stop contributing income how he will respond since he has a year sabbatical to figure it out plus plenty of savings.

If he doesn’t even try to figure it out I will divorce him. I can’t stay married otherwise; the resentment will give me cancer.

You’re just not contributing income on paper though. It’s still half his if you divorce. I don’t see how this is going to force him to figure anything out.

You need to lean out at work for your own sanity. Change jobs. Do whatever you need. Then cut expenses accordingly. But this continuing to work a big job and squirrel away money plan is batty.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That's not "quiet quitting", by the way. Quiet quitting is still doing your job, just not going crazy over-and-above your job. Sounds like you're just quitting (or wanting to - which you can't do by just disconnecting your direct deposit...which is another separate issue).

I am typing from my phone so that I don’t type this from my work computer, and so I’m taking shortcuts.

I connected a personal account instead of joint account, and yes I will still do my job, but if I get a message from daycare that my daughter smeared poop in the bathroom, I am going to stop what I am doing and research OTs and make an appointment and take her. I am going to shower once a day and do my nails. I am going to meal plan and grocery shop. And if my work performance drops I am not going to worry about it or care about my annual performance review.

Lol you think moms who work and do a good job at work don't shower every day, do their nails, or cook? You really shouldn't be raising children, you sound like an incompetent idiot.

Yeah this is weird. It’s not like working moms are just existing in the world unshowered and without time to call and make medical appointments. If OP is worried about managing basic self care and her job, then she should downshift. But this is not the norm at all for working moms.

Oh yeah. Breadwinner moms never complain about having time to fit everything in. I’m completely imagining that societal theme.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Because I wanted another baby, being a mother is the joy of my life. My kids will be very well loved no matter what happens.

Being "well loved" is not enough any good parent knows that.

You have to be a troll

Being well loved by a resentful parent is also not a great formula. Kids are aware of animosity between their parents. OP I am not sure waiting to get fired from your job is the right solution. You need to be proactive and either find a solution with your DH or without him.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To the people who are struggling to understand the concept of disconnect my direct deposit, I meant from our joint account. I connected an account that is in my name only.

Check the laws of the state you’re in, but generally income earned during marriage is considered marital assets that would have to be split upon divorce. So this isn’t the fast one you think you pulled.

I am fully aware he’s have claim to it in a divorce. But he’d have to divorce me to get it, he isn’t entitled to it while married to me.

So you want to stay married to him even though you clearly resent and dislike him? Whoooo boy. Your poor kids. One isn’t even born yet.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's really unclear what your focus is here, op. The crappy job or the crappy husband. That's why people were confused.

Agree the post is totally confusing but since she put it in the relationship forum I am going with crappy husband, exacerbated by what appear to be pregnancy hormones exposing a high level of nastiness.

My husband is not overall crappy, but I have begged and pleaded for years for him to bring up his income so that I could dial back at work, and despite various avenues to do so, he has refused to even try.

I am wondering if I just stop contributing income how he will respond since he has a year sabbatical to figure it out plus plenty of savings.

If he doesn’t even try to figure it out I will divorce him. I can’t stay married otherwise; the resentment will give me cancer.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That's not "quiet quitting", by the way. Quiet quitting is still doing your job, just not going crazy over-and-above your job. Sounds like you're just quitting (or wanting to - which you can't do by just disconnecting your direct deposit...which is another separate issue).

I am typing from my phone so that I don’t type this from my work computer, and so I’m taking shortcuts.

I connected a personal account instead of joint account, and yes I will still do my job, but if I get a message from daycare that my daughter smeared poop in the bathroom, I am going to stop what I am doing and research OTs and make an appointment and take her. I am going to shower once a day and do my nails. I am going to meal plan and grocery shop. And if my work performance drops I am not going to worry about it or care about my annual performance review.

Lol you think moms who work and do a good job at work don't shower every day, do their nails, or cook? You really shouldn't be raising children, you sound like an incompetent idiot.

Yeah this is weird. It’s not like working moms are just existing in the world unshowered and without time to call and make medical appointments. If OP is worried about managing basic self care and her job, then she should downshift. But this is not the norm at all for working moms.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To the people who are struggling to understand the concept of disconnect my direct deposit, I meant from our joint account. I connected an account that is in my name only.

Check the laws of the state you’re in, but generally income earned during marriage is considered marital assets that would have to be split upon divorce. So this isn’t the fast one you think you pulled.

I am fully aware he’s have claim to it in a divorce. But he’d have to divorce me to get it, he isn’t entitled to it while married to me.