Anonymous
Post 04/01/2024 08:39     Subject: Wedding dilemma - would this be rude?
Anonymous wrote:All this talk about family being important rings hollow when you need to leave half your family at home in order to be welcome at the family event. No thanks.


This is it! Either the family is close and it's a big deal and priority to have everyone there OR they have a no kids wedding, where some portion of the family can't attend. There will be other events where your kids are welcome - it's fine to decline this one.
Anonymous
Post 04/01/2024 08:38     Subject: Wedding dilemma - would this be rude?
Where is the wedding taking place? Could you turn it into a family trip around the wedding? That’s what I would do. If you can’t or don’t want to get a sitter for the actual wedding, have DH go and you have a fun night in with the kids. Or, if they’re older, take them bowling or something.
Anonymous
Post 04/01/2024 08:34     Subject: Wedding dilemma - would this be rude?
All this talk about family being important rings hollow when you need to leave half your family at home in order to be welcome at the family event. No thanks.
Anonymous
Post 04/01/2024 08:34     Subject: Wedding dilemma - would this be rude?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Rude


Wedding invites do not = command performance.


PP you are responding to. I agree with you in principle, and I probably wouldn't use the word "rude" if not for OP formulating the question that way. In this case:

1. The extended family is genuinely close.
2. OP hasn't formulated a specific plan or destination for this particular weekend; there is no prior commitment made, no bucket list item to check off, no deposits/tickets involved, etc.
3. There is nothing special about this particular weekend other than that it's 4 days long. There isn't an event/concert/birthday/seasonal highlight, etc. that requires this particular weekend.
4. The wedding/weekend is months away, so there is plenty of time to make an alternate plan.
5. OP's children are young, so there is plenty of time in the future for many family trips.
6. Because OP and her husband live far away from his family, the opportunities for him and their children to spend time with that whole side of the family, bond/build memories with them are not frequent and will become less so as time goes on.

So, it's not rude but just strikes me as an unfortunate choice.


4 day weekends with school aged kids are not common! I would be sad to miss a rare opportunity for a 4 day weekend staycation or short trip with my kids. If it is to attend a family wedding of a supposedly close extended family- that would be amazing. But if this supposedly close extended family is hosting an event where the kids in the family aren’t welcome, then I’m going to spend the weekend doing something else with my kids, and that’s fine? And neither party should feel bad or mad about this.
Anonymous
Post 04/01/2024 08:30     Subject: Re:Wedding dilemma - would this be rude?
Anonymous wrote:Kids only weddings don’t work for families with kids, especially if it’s out of town.

It’s OK to decline, just send a good gift depending on the relationship.

A few years ago we declined a kids only wedding. Since it was family (and family we like), we sent a $3000 wedding gift. Fast forward 4 years and 2 kids later, the bride and groom completely get it now.

We still jokingly give them a hard time about a kids only wedding, though. I think they get it. Lol


A kids only wedding sounds hilarious
Anonymous
Post 04/01/2024 08:08     Subject: Wedding dilemma - would this be rude?
Of course you can decline! Don’t put photos of your trip on sm.
Anonymous
Post 04/01/2024 08:03     Subject: Wedding dilemma - would this be rude?
Send regrets and a nice card with check. If anyone asks (in laws, parents of bride, etc) say apologetically that the kids have a 4 day weekend and you had planned a family getaway, and you respect that their wedding is no kids.
Anonymous
Post 04/01/2024 07:58     Subject: Wedding dilemma - would this be rude?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:If your husband would rather go on the family trip, definitely do that. It’s not rude to decline to attend any wedding, but especially not one that excludes part of your family. (It's also not rude to have a no-kids wedding)


No it isn't. Nobody wants to pay for you to have your ill-mannered brats there.


This seems like an especially rude way to … agree with the person you’re responding to.


Poster who received the scolding, and this made me laugh. (My kids are adults now, but when they were younger, we sometimes missed no-kids weddings. Our logistics were not a planned attack on the happy couple, none of whom broke up because we missed their wedding.)
Anonymous
Post 03/31/2024 23:09     Subject: Re:Wedding dilemma - would this be rude?
Anonymous wrote:Kids only weddings don’t work for families with kids, especially if it’s out of town.

It’s OK to decline, just send a good gift depending on the relationship.

A few years ago we declined a kids only wedding. Since it was family (and family we like), we sent a $3000 wedding gift. Fast forward 4 years and 2 kids later, the bride and groom completely get it now.

We still jokingly give them a hard time about a kids only wedding, though. I think they get it. Lol


They probably get that you need to let it go. They had their day and you chose to miss out.
Anonymous
Post 03/31/2024 23:07     Subject: Wedding dilemma - would this be rude?
Oops sorry, we just made vacation plans for that weekend. Too late now.

Hardly rude. Send a gift.
Anonymous
Post 03/31/2024 23:06     Subject: Wedding dilemma - would this be rude?
Is the wedding even out of town? OP never said.
Anonymous
Post 03/31/2024 23:05     Subject: Wedding dilemma - would this be rude?
Anonymous wrote:How old are your kids? And why do you think a four day weekend is a rare thing?


Doesn’t this 4 day fall break happen every year?
Anonymous
Post 03/31/2024 22:26     Subject: Wedding dilemma - would this be rude?
Anonymous wrote:If they slid no kids, it is fine to decline. You should not have find a stranger to watch them.?It’s rude to be be angry at people who won’t travel without kids or hire strangers to watch them.

+1
Anonymous
Post 03/31/2024 22:16     Subject: Wedding dilemma - would this be rude?
Anonymous wrote:Where’s the wedding?
It’s not rude to decline if they say no kids.


It is not rude to decline. Period. Even if the wedding invitation included kids.

An invitation is not a summons, people.

This is the DH's cousin. Unless he and cousin are super close and have a ton of shared history, up to now, not just when they were kids -- it is fine to miss a cousin's wedding. Even if DH's parents and aunt/uncle (the cousin's parents) think everyone "must" be there. FFS, go to weddings because you want to be there for that couple, not because you fear it's "rude" to say no when you have other plans.

OP, you and DH need to get onto the same page and say consistently that you already had travel plans for that weekend, before the invitation came. Having other plans (even tentative ones!) is perfectly legit. Send a great wedding gift and wish them the best. Then go enjoy your time with your own kids. Don't let the whole "It's a wedding, it's FAMILY, you MUST gooooo or the world ends" crap affect you.
Anonymous
Post 03/31/2024 21:01     Subject: Wedding dilemma - would this be rude?
If it’s no kids it’s not rude to decline if they know you have kids. Send a gift and a card and enjoy your family trip.