Anonymous
Post 03/26/2024 12:57     Subject: Who here is regularly supporting their adult children financially?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:We are now paying daycare expenses for our first grandchild. My daughter carries their health insurance and her husband has 2 kids from a previous marriage that he has to pay child support for.

I'm not happy about it but I'm not sure what to do about it.


Oouf that's tough. A divorced man with kids accepting hand-out from his in-laws. Save that money for your daughter in some kind of rainy day fund. Tell them you're putting it away for them to have a downpayment for a house or something like that, but all in your daughter's name.


Lots of women, divorced and otherwise, accept handouts from their in-laws.


DP: Same potential red flag. The point is putting your in-laws in a position where the care of a grandchild essentially requires a handout. Different than just 'accepting' it.
Anonymous
Post 03/26/2024 12:56     Subject: Who here is regularly supporting their adult children financially?
Anonymous wrote:My 24 year old is on my phone plan and medical but that is it.

I have other younger kids so family plan I pay regardless.

The phone well $50 a month



This is us as well.
Anonymous
Post 03/26/2024 12:55     Subject: Re:Who here is regularly supporting their adult children financially?
DS will be graduating college and starting a job after graduation. He got the gift of his debt-free college degree. We have no plans to support him financially. Now, once we are retired and he has proven himself as a financially responsible adult, we may revisit. The only exception is that we may help him with the downpayment once he is more settled.
Anonymous
Post 03/26/2024 12:53     Subject: Who here is regularly supporting their adult children financially?
Anonymous wrote:We are now paying daycare expenses for our first grandchild. My daughter carries their health insurance and her husband has 2 kids from a previous marriage that he has to pay child support for.

I'm not happy about it but I'm not sure what to do about it.


Not in your shoes so I can’t judge. But I’d likely say get a second job.

I significantly support
My young adult son who suffers from mental illness. I am still hoping that it won’t be forever - still assisting with school and other avenues to increase employability.

For all my kids, they had to buy their own cars and pay their own phones pretty early on - like by 18. They had jobs.
Anonymous
Post 03/26/2024 12:50     Subject: Who here is regularly supporting their adult children financially?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:We are now paying daycare expenses for our first grandchild. My daughter carries their health insurance and her husband has 2 kids from a previous marriage that he has to pay child support for.

I'm not happy about it but I'm not sure what to do about it.


Oouf that's tough. A divorced man with kids accepting hand-out from his in-laws. Save that money for your daughter in some kind of rainy day fund. Tell them you're putting it away for them to have a downpayment for a house or something like that, but all in your daughter's name.


Lots of women, divorced and otherwise, accept handouts from their in-laws.
Anonymous
Post 03/26/2024 12:33     Subject: Re:Who here is regularly supporting their adult children financially?
Helping entry-level early twenty somethings with rent is not uncommon.
Anonymous
Post 03/26/2024 12:30     Subject: Who here is regularly supporting their adult children financially?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:We are now paying daycare expenses for our first grandchild. My daughter carries their health insurance and her husband has 2 kids from a previous marriage that he has to pay child support for.

I'm not happy about it but I'm not sure what to do about it.


Oouf that's tough. A divorced man with kids accepting hand-out from his in-laws. Save that money for your daughter in some kind of rainy day fund. Tell them you're putting it away for them to have a downpayment for a house or something like that, but all in your daughter's name.


+1 I would contribute to a fund in your daughter's name only don't say that it's for the couple/family. They should try to pay for daycare out of marital expenses not from you. If your DD knows there's a rainy day fund for her, she may be more comfortable stretching their income to cover daycare. Her DH may be a lovely human in a tough situation but there are a few red flags there and it would be better to keep the funds as a gift to her in her name. If you let them know that you are building this fund address any cards/messages to her only so it's not considered a marital asset. Alternatively, tell them you can no longer pay the full daycare and direct half to this rainy day fund.
Anonymous
Post 03/26/2024 12:26     Subject: Who here is regularly supporting their adult children financially?
My 24 year old is on my phone plan and medical but that is it.

I have other younger kids so family plan I pay regardless.

The phone well $50 a month

Anonymous
Post 03/26/2024 12:22     Subject: Who here is regularly supporting their adult children financially?
Anonymous wrote:We are now paying daycare expenses for our first grandchild. My daughter carries their health insurance and her husband has 2 kids from a previous marriage that he has to pay child support for.

I'm not happy about it but I'm not sure what to do about it.


Oouf that's tough. A divorced man with kids accepting hand-out from his in-laws. Save that money for your daughter in some kind of rainy day fund. Tell them you're putting it away for them to have a downpayment for a house or something like that, but all in your daughter's name.
Anonymous
Post 03/26/2024 12:20     Subject: Who here is regularly supporting their adult children financially?
Anonymous wrote:This has always been a HCOL area. I made $15,000 per year in my first job in 1996. I supported myself and lived in group housing and was able to have a great social life. Then I got married. I have never had my own place. I didn't know anybody in DC who had their own apartment straight out of college. I'm sure these unicorns exist, but, they were rare in my experience.


There aren't nearly as many group houses in DC now than there were in the nineties.
Anonymous
Post 03/26/2024 12:19     Subject: Re:Who here is regularly supporting their adult children financially?
Anonymous wrote:I wonder about this as well. My son graduated last May from a top school and got a job paying $78K a year that he started in September. He's currently living at home to save some money. Lots of his co-workers (similar jobs, same experience) have apartments in Clarendon and Dupont. I just don't know how these kids afford it and still have a social life. My son, granted, is putting a lot of money away. He would really like to buy a condo vs. pay rent, but interest rates are too high right now. I do wonder how many of these kids with their own apartments are getting help from parents. We could easily afford to help him, but I'm not quite there with it. We would definitely help with a down payment on a condo though.


Condos tend to appreciate less and they have high HOA fees. Might not be wise to buy one.
Anonymous
Post 03/26/2024 12:17     Subject: Who here is regularly supporting their adult children financially?
Anonymous wrote:We are now paying daycare expenses for our first grandchild. My daughter carries their health insurance and her husband has 2 kids from a previous marriage that he has to pay child support for.

I'm not happy about it but I'm not sure what to do about it.


At a minimum you need to make clear to both of them that you will not be doing that for any additional children they have together.
Anonymous
Post 03/26/2024 12:16     Subject: Re:Who here is regularly supporting their adult children financially?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I am planning to support my son (18) until he finishes grad school and then look at his income to figure out if he can afford to live on his own with his first income. The roommate thing is still an option. I know a 24 year old who has six roommates in a 2 bedroom rental house. His parents pay for his graduate education but not living expenses.


6 adults in a 2 bedroom house may be a bit far, but I shared a house with friends throughout my 20s. I lived in London and there was zero expectation that young people would rent an entire flat by themselves. I don't think there is anything wrong with living with friends until you couple up and get a place of your own, perhaps in your mid or late 20s, or even early 30s.


I lived in both London and DC in my twenties. London has more housing that is more conducive to sharing with roommates - houses, flats with multiple bedrooms. DC has a lot of studios and one bedrooms.
Anonymous
Post 03/26/2024 12:14     Subject: Re:Who here is regularly supporting their adult children financially?
Anonymous wrote:I wonder about this as well. My son graduated last May from a top school and got a job paying $78K a year that he started in September. He's currently living at home to save some money. Lots of his co-workers (similar jobs, same experience) have apartments in Clarendon and Dupont. I just don't know how these kids afford it and still have a social life. My son, granted, is putting a lot of money away. He would really like to buy a condo vs. pay rent, but interest rates are too high right now. I do wonder how many of these kids with their own apartments are getting help from parents. We could easily afford to help him, but I'm not quite there with it. We would definitely help with a down payment on a condo though.


On a 78k salary, your son could afford to share an apartment in Clarendon or Dupont with roommates. I think it's an important part of growing up, personally, to live on one's own in their twenties and learn to budget. Being able to spend more on socializing because you have free rent is not a good lesson, IMO. I guess if he is saving the amount he'd spend in rent that's good.
Anonymous
Post 03/26/2024 12:11     Subject: Who here is regularly supporting their adult children financially?
Pathetic. Fend for yourself kids. Only way to grow up.