There is no magic answer here because all kids are different, and all families are different. Kids have a range of academic abilities and interests, and parents have different expectations. My daughter goes to a school that people warned us was a "pressure cooker" when we were selecting upper schools. But her instinct was that she liked the school a lot, and our instincts told us that she would do fine there. So far she hasn't experienced much stress and she has a small group of friends who seem happy with the experience. She doesn't do sports but is very committed to an extracurricular activity that is as time intensive as sports. The key is to know your own kid.

Read the book “Never enough”. Eye opening.

Anonymous wrote:A lot is KID dependent.

My kids always have gotten straight As fairly easily (yes they study, but it isn't enough to affect participation in sports or social life).

They are at a private HS. They have always scored high on standardized tests with almost no prep. They have fantastic memories and retain info, can analyze and summarize very quickly---just like their parents.

I was (and am) the same. I was a STEM major-athlete that partied a lot in college to the amazement of friends. AT a job where everyone had to do involuntary overtime to stay afloat...I was out the door at 5pm and more productive. My work colleague (former college roommate) would spend hours trying to do the same. Her boyfriend used to ask why it was so hard for her and easy for me.

You could have stopped after your first sentence. It is the only thing that adds positively to the discussion. You are a boorish braggart. Good Lord.

yup

Anonymous wrote:There is a lot of generalization in the question. My graduate of a private school was really busy but loved it. He took a lot of advanced classes. Did he study a ton? Sure, but he had a good group of friends who did the same and these guys will be life-long buddies. He was also at school a lot for meets and activities. He played three sports, was involved in a bunch of clubs. In the summers he had a job but also had a lot of socializing time then and the summer reset is something all my kids love. He is also very close to his sisters. Bottom line, I don’t think he would look at his HS experience and say I wish I had studied less or done fewer activities. If anything, he reflects on that time more fondly.

His younger sisters (also at private) seem to be in the same path (though one will take fewer honors classes for sure). My oldest daughter does seem to be more perfectionist in her tendencies and it takes a lot of reminding to keep her feeling that she is in the drivers seat and has a lot of choice in how she approaches the world. Parenting can def feel tiring in this respect -my son needed less hand-holding - but the kids are fun to be around so it makes up for it.

It often feels like parents are looking for this magic work life balance and should rather see if their kid seems to like their life. Kids in private schools have so many choices and resources - take advantage of those! It also seems like a lot of parents set their kids up for stress in that they put too much pressure on college choices and set standards where they don’t allow their kids to fail (and some seem to put pressure on the social stuff too, want kids to be popular). The parents themselves also seem stressed which I think the kids end up modeling.

Also, be careful what you wish for - a lot of kids who are “balanced” do a lot of partying in HS. Staying busy was a godsend for my oldest kid bc he made a lot of friends but didn’t get into trouble. It seems the younger ones are on the same path - or at least I hope so.

So that is my long way of saying, take your cues from your kid and don’t create a problem where there isn’t one.

So much truth to this. Take cues from your kid. Their high school experience is not like yours. Life is different now. Kids socialize through social media and texting, etc. So your kid may be fulfilled but it may not look like your experience. Also, getting into a good college was much easier in your day. It is harder now, so if that is important to you or your kid, then yes, they will have to work harder and challenge themselves. There isn't an easy way out. My DD is at a demanding school (Georgetown Visitation). When she was younger, I used to worry if she was fine with the workload and it turns out she actually likes it and looks forward to the wide variety of resources at the school and the way the school challenges her. She has a great group of (studious) friends and is really happy - it works for her. It doesn't look like my high school experience, which was at a public school, where there was lots of partying and drinking but I never fit in with those kids and didn't feel like I ever found my tribe in high school.

There is a lot of generalization in the question. My graduate of a private school was really busy but loved it. He took a lot of advanced classes. Did he study a ton? Sure, but he had a good group of friends who did the same and these guys will be life-long buddies. He was also at school a lot for meets and activities. He played three sports, was involved in a bunch of clubs. In the summers he had a job but also had a lot of socializing time then and the summer reset is something all my kids love. He is also very close to his sisters. Bottom line, I don’t think he would look at his HS experience and say I wish I had studied less or done fewer activities. If anything, he reflects on that time more fondly.

His younger sisters (also at private) seem to be in the same path (though one will take fewer honors classes for sure). My oldest daughter does seem to be more perfectionist in her tendencies and it takes a lot of reminding to keep her feeling that she is in the drivers seat and has a lot of choice in how she approaches the world. Parenting can def feel tiring in this respect -my son needed less hand-holding - but the kids are fun to be around so it makes up for it.

It often feels like parents are looking for this magic work life balance and should rather see if their kid seems to like their life. Kids in private schools have so many choices and resources - take advantage of those! It also seems like a lot of parents set their kids up for stress in that they put too much pressure on college choices and set standards where they don’t allow their kids to fail (and some seem to put pressure on the social stuff too, want kids to be popular). The parents themselves also seem stressed which I think the kids end up modeling.

Also, be careful what you wish for - a lot of kids who are “balanced” do a lot of partying in HS. Staying busy was a godsend for my oldest kid bc he made a lot of friends but didn’t get into trouble. It seems the younger ones are on the same path - or at least I hope so.

So that is my long way of saying, take your cues from your kid and don’t create a problem where there isn’t one.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I personally worry about girls schools being too academically focused because girls often have a tendency to be perfectionists. Girls already outnumber boys in college. I imagine any competitive girls school will have an academically intense environment.

Umm, let me guess, you are a "stay at home mom" - an unemployed woman with nothing to do but fret about what life *might* be like in the big scary world beyond your kitchen.

Well, that was a leap. Pls explain how you concluded PP is a SAHP and why you dislike that so much.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I personally worry about girls schools being too academically focused because girls often have a tendency to be perfectionists. Girls already outnumber boys in college. I imagine any competitive girls school will have an academically intense environment.

Umm, let me guess, you are a "stay at home mom" - an unemployed woman with nothing to do but fret about what life *might* be like in the big scary world beyond your kitchen.

DP. You sound bitter and like you work too much. Maybe you need a vacation from work. I will enjoy looking at the ocean on my vacation while I sip on a yummy beverage.

You’re on vacation but still choosing to look at DCUM???

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I personally worry about girls schools being too academically focused because girls often have a tendency to be perfectionists. Girls already outnumber boys in college. I imagine any competitive girls school will have an academically intense environment.

Umm, let me guess, you are a "stay at home mom" - an unemployed woman with nothing to do but fret about what life *might* be like in the big scary world beyond your kitchen.

DP. You sound bitter and like you work too much. Maybe you need a vacation from work. I will enjoy looking at the ocean on my vacation while I sip on a yummy beverage.

But Bethany Beach is so . . . pedestrian. Enjoy though.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I personally worry about girls schools being too academically focused because girls often have a tendency to be perfectionists. Girls already outnumber boys in college. I imagine any competitive girls school will have an academically intense environment.

Umm, let me guess, you are a "stay at home mom" - an unemployed woman with nothing to do but fret about what life *might* be like in the big scary world beyond your kitchen.

Not PP but there’s some truth to the post. I went to an all girl’s school attached to a boys school. The girl’s school was known to be harder. The boy’s school was just as prestigious. College outcomes were the same, and the boys had better careers. Just look at NCS vs STA or Holton vs Landon.

NP. These posts are odd. Women being fully empowered means they can choose to work or not work or a little of both. I am fortunate enough and confident enough that I worked then decided to raise my kids myself rather than hiring someone else to raise my kids. PP sounds bitter. Maybe she shouldn't work so much.

Hmm defensive much?😆 A hurt dog will howl.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I really think it depends on your kid. My daughter played multiple sports at NCS. She had a great social life with kids from all over the DMV, obviously including STA.

She chose not to compete with the "smartest" kids at school. She has a 3.87 uw gpa and 35 ACT score first try.

I really think kids need to decide what is important to them and as a parent, be supportive of their choices.

Your daughter sounds like an impressive kid and the exception to the rule. It sounds like she coasted to the top 10% in the class (the average NCS GPA is a 3.5) with an active social life and many athletics. 90% of the girls can't achieve this. My daughter and friends like the school but they work really hard for uneven grades and barely see boys (despite being lovely, outgoing and wanting interaction.) They do play several sports per year.

Thank you for your kind words! I may have come across as mean or bragging. That was not my intention. My daughter did not coast into her grades, but realized she had to study to make grades. She also realized that she would never be at the top of her class in GPA, nor would she ever be considered for a scholarship for sports. She decided to take a path that let her do the things that were important to her. She was very social with kids all over the DMV.

I just think there is a balance that can be found between academics, sports and social life for your kids. We didn't push her to be in a top 20 school. She chose where she was most comfortable and is on the Deans list at a big State school that most on this forum would look down on.

good luck to everyone!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I personally worry about girls schools being too academically focused because girls often have a tendency to be perfectionists. Girls already outnumber boys in college. I imagine any competitive girls school will have an academically intense environment.

Umm, let me guess, you are a "stay at home mom" - an unemployed woman with nothing to do but fret about what life *might* be like in the big scary world beyond your kitchen.

At the first parent meeting at Stone Ridge, the Head of the Upper School compared the general differences between how a girl and a boy would complete a poster for a presentation, stating that the girl might take a couple of trips to Michael’s and the boy would complete it in the car on the way to school. A bit extreme, maybe- but a very important point about the tendency for girls to want things to be perfect.

I thought that was incredibly helpful insight and a management strategy that my girls learned at Stone Ridge that continues to serve them well.

I was lucky enough to be a stay-at-home Mom for a decade. I think my kids have less concern about the world out there because of that, rather than in spite of it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I personally worry about girls schools being too academically focused because girls often have a tendency to be perfectionists. Girls already outnumber boys in college. I imagine any competitive girls school will have an academically intense environment.

Umm, let me guess, you are a "stay at home mom" - an unemployed woman with nothing to do but fret about what life *might* be like in the big scary world beyond your kitchen.

DP. You sound bitter and like you work too much. Maybe you need a vacation from work. I will enjoy looking at the ocean on my vacation while I sip on a yummy beverage.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I personally worry about girls schools being too academically focused because girls often have a tendency to be perfectionists. Girls already outnumber boys in college. I imagine any competitive girls school will have an academically intense environment.

Umm, let me guess, you are a "stay at home mom" - an unemployed woman with nothing to do but fret about what life *might* be like in the big scary world beyond your kitchen.

Not PP but there’s some truth to the post. I went to an all girl’s school attached to a boys school. The girl’s school was known to be harder. The boy’s school was just as prestigious. College outcomes were the same, and the boys had better careers. Just look at NCS vs STA or Holton vs Landon.

NP. These posts are odd. Women being fully empowered means they can choose to work or not work or a little of both. I am fortunate enough and confident enough that I worked then decided to raise my kids myself rather than hiring someone else to raise my kids. PP sounds bitter. Maybe she shouldn't work so much.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I personally worry about girls schools being too academically focused because girls often have a tendency to be perfectionists. Girls already outnumber boys in college. I imagine any competitive girls school will have an academically intense environment.

Umm, let me guess, you are a "stay at home mom" - an unemployed woman with nothing to do but fret about what life *might* be like in the big scary world beyond your kitchen.

Not PP but there’s some truth to the post. I went to an all girl’s school attached to a boys school. The girl’s school was known to be harder. The boy’s school was just as prestigious. College outcomes were the same, and the boys had better careers. Just look at NCS vs STA or Holton vs Landon.