Anonymous
Post 03/23/2024 11:18     Subject: Help me make it through the next month and a half
Anonymous wrote:OP, this may be hard to believe, but I am going through something extremely similar. Like, essentially the exact same thing. Keeping up appearances, avoiding talking about it to others, the secondhand shame. And the hyper vigilance of protecting the privacy of kids and fear that others will find out what is going on. It is exhausting, mortifying, crazy-making.

If you may want to connect, anonymously, please create a free anonymous email (ProtonMail) and post it here and I’ll email you. It is a very unsettling and damaging position to be and the legal stress is never ending. I get it. I truly truly feel for you because I do know how it feels.

If not, please know I am thinking of you, wishing you strength, and some semblance of peace as this unfortunate chapter eventually will come to an end. And it will. Remember that life is long, there is more out there meant for you, more good in life for you. I promise. Hugs to you.


I’m so sorry you’re experiencing this as well! I think it’s a slippery slope for us to email, even anonymously, but we can both use this thread to vent and offer emotional support to one another. How long has it been, and when is the end in sight for you?
Anonymous
Post 03/22/2024 21:28     Subject: Help me make it through the next month and a half
OP, this may be hard to believe, but I am going through something extremely similar. Like, essentially the exact same thing. Keeping up appearances, avoiding talking about it to others, the secondhand shame. And the hyper vigilance of protecting the privacy of kids and fear that others will find out what is going on. It is exhausting, mortifying, crazy-making.

If you may want to connect, anonymously, please create a free anonymous email (ProtonMail) and post it here and I’ll email you. It is a very unsettling and damaging position to be and the legal stress is never ending. I get it. I truly truly feel for you because I do know how it feels.

If not, please know I am thinking of you, wishing you strength, and some semblance of peace as this unfortunate chapter eventually will come to an end. And it will. Remember that life is long, there is more out there meant for you, more good in life for you. I promise. Hugs to you.
Anonymous
Post 03/22/2024 18:50     Subject: Re:Help me make it through the next month and a half
OP here. There’s something else I implied but should’ve explicitly stated earlier - spouse is unaware of my plans to leave after the trial. I do feel guilty about this, but they have been under so much stress that I honestly feared they might collapse if I told them. Did I do the right thing?
Anonymous
Post 03/22/2024 18:43     Subject: Help me make it through the next month and a half
Anonymous wrote:
I've been in situations where the end was near but I needed just a little more strength to get through the last stressful events. I feel for you, OP.

What helped me was massive distraction in the form of music, movies, TV series and books. I forced myself to exercise (I hate exercise!), so I would sleep, because I wasn't sleeping well at all. I did my best to not eat too much chocolate. I am rubbish at meditation, but if you can do it, apparently it's very helpful. I went for walks with the dog. Going outside is good for your brain.

You can do it!


Thank you!
Anonymous
Post 03/22/2024 16:45     Subject: Help me make it through the next month and a half

I've been in situations where the end was near but I needed just a little more strength to get through the last stressful events. I feel for you, OP.

What helped me was massive distraction in the form of music, movies, TV series and books. I forced myself to exercise (I hate exercise!), so I would sleep, because I wasn't sleeping well at all. I did my best to not eat too much chocolate. I am rubbish at meditation, but if you can do it, apparently it's very helpful. I went for walks with the dog. Going outside is good for your brain.

You can do it!
Anonymous
Post 03/22/2024 16:37     Subject: Help me make it through the next month and a half
Anonymous wrote:How did you even get into this situation? Look at your choices.[/quote
unnecessary
Anonymous
Post 03/22/2024 16:33     Subject: Help me make it through the next month and a half
How did you even get into this situation? Look at your choices.
Anonymous
Post 03/22/2024 15:31     Subject: Help me make it through the next month and a half
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:My advice is always the same: pretend you're on a reality tv show, and come the reunion with Andy Cohen, you want to come off well. You don't want to have to struggle to answer why you lost your cool, or why you did or didn't do/say something. You want to come off as the accidental hero that makes other people think "I wish I could keep my composure and be that good an example for my kids!"


This is great advice. Dissociate a little and focus on how you want to see yourself when you look back on this situation in a year or two. That kept me sane post-divorce when ex-H was acting erratic and being unkind.


Thank you to both PPs. I have indeed felt like an actor for the past 2 years, while providing more support to my spouse than they rightly deserve and accepting the brunt of their frustrations with the case against them. I’ve made it this far and the trial is only a few weeks away - I just need a final surge of strength.


Play the theme song to Rocky, and then a little of Dolly's 9-5, and then top it off with Meredith Brooks B**ch song.


This is helpful, thank you! I also started counting down the days until the trial start date. I’m not exactly sure how long it’ll take to conclude (lawyers estimate 2 weeks), but at least the end is in sight.


Sometimes if people figure out a trial isn't going their way, they fold in the middle and it ends earlier than originally anticipated. When it ends, you can blast "Ding dong the witch is dead" as you drive home.
Anonymous
Post 03/22/2024 15:29     Subject: Help me make it through the next month and a half
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:My advice is always the same: pretend you're on a reality tv show, and come the reunion with Andy Cohen, you want to come off well. You don't want to have to struggle to answer why you lost your cool, or why you did or didn't do/say something. You want to come off as the accidental hero that makes other people think "I wish I could keep my composure and be that good an example for my kids!"


This is great advice. Dissociate a little and focus on how you want to see yourself when you look back on this situation in a year or two. That kept me sane post-divorce when ex-H was acting erratic and being unkind.


Thank you to both PPs. I have indeed felt like an actor for the past 2 years, while providing more support to my spouse than they rightly deserve and accepting the brunt of their frustrations with the case against them. I’ve made it this far and the trial is only a few weeks away - I just need a final surge of strength.


Play the theme song to Rocky, and then a little of Dolly's 9-5, and then top it off with Meredith Brooks B**ch song.


This is helpful, thank you! I also started counting down the days until the trial start date. I’m not exactly sure how long it’ll take to conclude (lawyers estimate 2 weeks), but at least the end is in sight.
Anonymous
Post 03/22/2024 15:05     Subject: Help me make it through the next month and a half
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:My advice is always the same: pretend you're on a reality tv show, and come the reunion with Andy Cohen, you want to come off well. You don't want to have to struggle to answer why you lost your cool, or why you did or didn't do/say something. You want to come off as the accidental hero that makes other people think "I wish I could keep my composure and be that good an example for my kids!"


This is great advice. Dissociate a little and focus on how you want to see yourself when you look back on this situation in a year or two. That kept me sane post-divorce when ex-H was acting erratic and being unkind.


Thank you to both PPs. I have indeed felt like an actor for the past 2 years, while providing more support to my spouse than they rightly deserve and accepting the brunt of their frustrations with the case against them. I’ve made it this far and the trial is only a few weeks away - I just need a final surge of strength.


Play the theme song to Rocky, and then a little of Dolly's 9-5, and then top it off with Meredith Brooks B**ch song.
Anonymous
Post 03/22/2024 14:55     Subject: Help me make it through the next month and a half
Anonymous wrote:Melania, is that you?


No, because she knows her spouse is guilty of what he’s accused of and more.
Anonymous
Post 03/21/2024 22:31     Subject: Re:Help me make it through the next month and a half
OP here. Not sure if this makes a difference in the advice some PPs have offered, but the case isn’t sex-related.
Anonymous
Post 03/21/2024 21:37     Subject: Help me make it through the next month and a half
OP, in addition to a therapist, please have your own lawyer. Do Not rely on advice from his lawyer - they do not have your best interests at heart. I appreciate that you think he's innocent but you really need to understand if you have any liability if he is convicted or if any marital assets are at risk.

His lawyers want you to stay married because as long as you are married, you cannot be forced to testify against him. This is why Huma Abedin did not finalize divorce until after Anthony Weiner's trial and sentencing was finished. Conviction and sentencing simplified custody, obvs.

I'm so sorry you are going thru this.
Anonymous
Post 03/21/2024 13:59     Subject: Help me make it through the next month and a half
Anonymous wrote:Melania, is that you?


Probably not. This happens all the time every day. The courts have a lot to do…
Anonymous
Post 03/21/2024 13:59     Subject: Help me make it through the next month and a half
Anonymous wrote:I'm sending you supportive thoughts, OP. ou are definitely a good parent for supporting your spouse given that you don't believe they've done what they've been accused of. Your children will be grateful for your stance one day, I'm sure.

If I were you I would definitely allow myself to disassociate and just play the "role" I'm supposed to play during the day and then practice radical self-care at night. Feel free to vent here. I'll come back and check this thread a couple of times to make sure you're okay.


Thank you so much for your kindness. I was fully prepared to be called a troll or worse, but this thread has been incredibly affirming.