Anonymous wrote:I’m that person with a trust/generational money in my social circle. Could be others, I know there’s been a lot of down payment help, but we don’t talk about it obviously.

Ask me anything

Anonymous wrote:I raised 5 kids on one $150k salary thanks to trust funds. I don’t understand why that good fortune generates more judgmental attitudes than if we had acquired our money from lottery winnings, assuming in both cases we are discreet about its source. Wasn’t everyone taught to MYOB?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:It’s an anonymous forum after all. Isn’t this the place to ask questions like this. I told the attitude from a lot of people with trust funds and family money is it’s crass to talk about it but again, it’s an anonymous forum. What does it really matter. Seems like a good place to be honest.

NP
I have never heard this from someone directly but there are many people who had a neighbor/friend/relative tell me that person had a trust fund. I wonder if they know EVERYONE knows because one or their friends is a big mouth. It's also possible that it's not even the case and just assumed gossip.

I think it’s just obvious in some cases. 3 kids in private school, second home, husband is a civil engineer and they live in a 3m house and drive an escalade/bmw. You need a very large salary to carry this lifestyle. We have a $500k family income and live a fairly normal life with kids in public school, just happens to be a great neighborhood but totally normal house that would be $400k anywhere else.

None of this says trust fund to me. It says high income for a long time plus some inheritance. Engineers can do well. If you said all this plus “artist” then I would say maybe.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s an anonymous forum after all. Isn’t this the place to ask questions like this. I told the attitude from a lot of people with trust funds and family money is it’s crass to talk about it but again, it’s an anonymous forum. What does it really matter. Seems like a good place to be honest.

NP
I have never heard this from someone directly but there are many people who had a neighbor/friend/relative tell me that person had a trust fund. I wonder if they know EVERYONE knows because one or their friends is a big mouth. It's also possible that it's not even the case and just assumed gossip.

I think it’s just obvious in some cases. 3 kids in private school, second home, husband is a civil engineer and they live in a 3m house and drive an escalade/bmw. You need a very large salary to carry this lifestyle. We have a $500k family income and live a fairly normal life with kids in public school, just happens to be a great neighborhood but totally normal house that would be $400k anywhere else.

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Anonymous wrote:I’ll bite. I grew up well off and most of my friends receive money from parents in one way or another. My husband and I both have well off parents. We received a down payment for our pretty average, not new construction home as a gift. HHI is around 450k and we get a 30k annual gift. Other than that - which is huge- we dont have a trust or know anything about inheritance. We watch our money very carefully, max out retirement, and live in an average house. We send our kids to private school and want a third child, so we’re carrying the lions share of our lifestyle expenses, which we need to work to do. I think our parents intended for it to be this way- if we need help for something legitimate, they’re there, but otherwise, the gifts are a head start and not intended to have us living beyond our means.

So No, you don’t have a trust fund.

I have friends all over the map. Our children have money in trust. My husband has one. It bought our home so we didn’t need a mortgage, the kids have the private schools, summer camps, activities, vacations, cars.

We aren’t materialistic so our house is an old colonial that we never updated. Used cars etc It allows us to be debt free and still be able to pay for expensive experiences. I also quit work early on to take care of my three kids along with my mother. My husband would never quit work, “that’s not what men do”.

Why would anyone look down on people who work for a living? I wouldn’t want to know people like that. And I despise people who try to take advantage of workers by underpaying them.

It sounds like OP has curated a certain type of friend over the last ten years. The OPs friends can’t all be from the neighborhood. So it looks like an effort to sidle up to wealthy people and now realizing she can’t keep up with them.

Anonymous wrote:Yes, I see it too. If not trust funds, the ability to get huge infusions of cash from family. Maybe inheritances sometimes. It is what it is. The main takeaway is that this is why you really can't judge a persons worth or success by their finances. There are people who work very hard every day of their lives, who do good and important work, and will never be more than middle class. And there are people who start out with so much money that they could do anything really, or nothing, and they wouldn't have to worry about things like affording college for their kids or how much inflation has raised the price of food.

I'm not even saying it's unfair. I mean, in a fundamental sense it is unfair because people start out life in such different positions, and the discrepancies often just widen as time goes on. But okay, so it's unfair. There's still nothing you can do about it. Except maybe remind yourself that simply having money is not an impressive thing in and of itself. It's just good fortune. Sometimes it's the result of hard work and ingenuity, in which case it is the hard work and ingenuity you ought to admire. But the money? It's just there. It has no moral value. But we forget this all the time.

Anonymous wrote:No idea - I would never ask and nobody in my social circle would talk about something like that.

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Anonymous wrote:I know a few people with trust funds.

$500,000 is not working class in any circle. You just don’t know any working class people socially. Your house cleaners, your nannies, your yard people, and the server at your restaurant are working class. I’m not a social justice warrior but *any* stretch, but don’t call yourself working class in real life. You’re not and it makes you sound really unappealing.

Hmm, not sure I agree.....

Working class in some circles (not mine) is anyone who needs to work to maintain their lifestyles.

I was a waitress in HS and one summer in college. I grew up UMC/UC. I'm definitely not nor have I ever been working class.

I define UMC as grad school educated professionals (doctors, lawyers, some c-suite folks, some white collar professionals, maybe even some feds).. UC is these folks plus family money or folks who don't work (to me). Some people define it on income, some by wealth. Few people meet all the metrics, so do though.

I love how DCUM thinks their grad school degrees confer them with some sort of status and omits business owners from groups like this, even though the most successful business owners outearn all the others you listed. And many, if not most, of them don't have graduate degrees. Even among the wealthiest postgraduate degree holders - the doctors and lawyers and such - it is often their ownership stake in a business that is really responsible for their wealth.

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Oh and I’ll add that our private school has many grandparents helping with tuition.

This can be for tax reasons. We can very easily afford private school, but the grandparents pay because payments for education don't count towards any gift tax limits at all, and it helps them reduce the size of their estate. While right now their estate is under the current estate tax limit, there is routinely talk at the national and state levels of lowering this limit, so they may indeed hit the limit in the future.