Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have this exact dilemma but my kids are 2 and 5 so I’m keeping the flexible job for now. But in a few years I’d definitely go for option 2.

What is key I think, is knowing how much time is left in your career, and knowing you have to do something that will open up other opportunities at some point - opportunities may disappear if you stay comfortable too long and age out. (No clue your age but just general advice)

Your kids are at the point where you need flexibility the least until the 2 year old drives.

It’s possible to overly hedge your bets with this type of thinking. Gripping on to the easier job past your era of prime opportunities will result in reduced options/potential to make big moves later in your career and can result in being stuck. That’s not ideal either. Bold moves carry a trade off but it can certainly be worth it. I mean, people have had office jobs for a long time and many families have been perfectly OK

Anonymous wrote:I have this exact dilemma but my kids are 2 and 5 so I’m keeping the flexible job for now. But in a few years I’d definitely go for option 2.

What is key I think, is knowing how much time is left in your career, and knowing you have to do something that will open up other opportunities at some point - opportunities may disappear if you stay comfortable too long and age out. (No clue your age but just general advice)

Your kids are at the point where you need flexibility the least until the 2 year old drives.

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't switch in your situation. Mostly WFH to 4 days in the office is a HUGE transition for your family and your kids are not that old. My answer would be different if you were about to be empty nest.

I wouldn’t do it for all the reasons stated above. However, op is very excited about the new opportunity and she will probably be great at it because this is what she wants.

How many of your kid activities do you live walking distance to, and are you walking distance from their eventual middle and high schools? My hesitation would be going into the office four days a week means they come home to an empty house (presumably), teens are less physical labor but more emotional labor and do still need parents around, and I drive my teen and tween way more than I had to drive them in elementary. For the high schooler there are so many opportunities to be involved which are in the long run good for college prospects, etc., but all of that is a lot of time/driving. I need more flexibility now than I did in daycare/elementary years.

If it was me, I would do it. Definitely aim for some flexibility with days you have out of office meetings and events. No risk, no reward.

Wow, this thread really turned.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let’s talk numbers? How much do you make now and how much more will you make? What benefits are you foregoing (like less vacation time or like fewer options for dentists).

Does spouse work, anytime you change jobs there is a risk it won’t work out, especially if you are jumping industry etc for a stretch role.

Finally how old are kids — our kids are teens and we are busy almost every afternoon into the evening we are running the kids around. Maybe they more capable of doing laundry and chores but we found 9-16 actually needing even more flexibility then the daycare years for instance.

Total comp now is about $315k. New total comp would be $375-400k.

Benefit changes would be more expensive health care, less vacation time, less retirement match. Flexibility changes would be most extreme - right now I mostly work from home and set my own schedule, although I do work some nights and travel a fair amount. Nights and travel would be the same - but I would be in the office four days a week with set hours. I think I could push for a bit of flex on the hours, especially because my work involves a lot of outside events and meetings.

Spouse works but could switch to a very flexible schedule. Involved parent, but I have been responsible for all the kid chauffeuring and such given my job now. Kids are late ES and have tons of activities but we live in a great, engaged community.

I feel like such a poo pooer here - but I think at your level of income, $60k more is not worth it to lose flexibility and vacation time. I'd keep looking, if you really want to move.

That said congrats on the offer - and for taking this chance to think about what you value, and what you want.

I wouldn't switch in your situation. Mostly WFH to 4 days in the office is a HUGE transition for your family and your kids are not that old. My answer would be different if you were about to be empty nest.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have this exact dilemma but my kids are 2 and 5 so I’m keeping the flexible job for now. But in a few years I’d definitely go for option 2.

What is key I think, is knowing how much time is left in your career, and knowing you have to do something that will open up other opportunities at some point - opportunities may disappear if you stay comfortable too long and age out. (No clue your age but just general advice)

It really doesn’t get much better with older kids unless you subject them to an 80s style latch key childhood.

I was coming to say this. I have a high schooler and middle schooler and I'm on the road every afternoon/evening giving rides to and from the mall/sports/friends etc. It's great to be able to plan and prep dinner before I head out for my daily driving duties. It would be impossible to manage if I were working in an office regularly. It would take a whole lot for me to give up my flexibility right now.

Another +1. OMG it never stops. The kids are home by 3:15 from HS and MS, and then the activities whirlwind start! DH and I both work a lot of hours, but we are both WFH and have grandparents nearby and can make it work. If one of us had to go into an office and not be able to leave until 5 pm or later it would throw a complete wrench into our current situation.

That said, we also both switched jobs within the past few years. They are bigger jobs, with more hours but also MORE flexibility (since you are working more). So we are usually working by 8 am since the kids have already left for school. And we can step away for an hour or two bc we will get right back on once the kids are at their activities.

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, with the additional info, I switch my vote to no. Your kids are young still. Four days a week in the office plus travel means you will see them a ton less. You have “been responsible for all the kid chauffeuring” (why??) but now your spouse is going to be super flexible and do it all? It seems wishful.

I agree. If it was nights and weekends OR long days in the office, that's one thing. But both together means you will be absent for a lot, and middle school is about to rear its ugly and awkward head.

Can you test drive your DH's involvement before making the jump? Sit down and write out what the new schedule would be and then live with it for a few weeks. See if you DH will really step up.

Is it fair for you to have to give up an exciting job because you would otherwise be stretched to thin? Absolutely not. But let's deal with realities, not ideals.

FWIW, my last job was my "dream job" but in the end my boss was a weird mix of micromanaging some things and being too hands off on other. Usually the opposite of what was needed. I loved the position and the company and the work, but in the end my immediate work environment sucked so I left.

Boredom at work can quickly become apathy, disengagement and ultimately declining performance within a year's time. There's also an expiration date on the window to move. Depends on your age, your industry, and your current level, it might be 3 years, might be 5 years, and then you may be stuck for a long time because you've stayed so long. If you enjoy your job, a lot of things are actually easier even if the logistics are more complicated. I'd make the jump

Anonymous wrote:So woman should not take an opportunity to advance her career if it means giving up some flexibility because her husband shouldn’t be expected to pick up the slack? WTF.

The key is to pick your DH wisely. OP did not.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have this exact dilemma but my kids are 2 and 5 so I’m keeping the flexible job for now. But in a few years I’d definitely go for option 2.

What is key I think, is knowing how much time is left in your career, and knowing you have to do something that will open up other opportunities at some point - opportunities may disappear if you stay comfortable too long and age out. (No clue your age but just general advice)

It really doesn’t get much better with older kids unless you subject them to an 80s style latch key childhood.

In my case I’m lucky that my husband is super flexible too and can be at the bus stop every day if I can’t. So for me this is about the fact that it’s important to me to spend every morning and evening with them in this stage of life. As they get older I would be willing to miss some of that time in the interest of career moves. Their dad would be with them and we have grandparent help too. And I would never take a job with zero flexibility. Right now I have unbelievable flexibility, and literally any other job would be a decrease of some kind.

How hard would it be to boomerang back? I cite try it out!

Anonymous wrote:So woman should not take an opportunity to advance her career if it means giving up some flexibility because her husband shouldn’t be expected to pick up the slack? WTF.

No—but they should be realistic about what they will need to support their success.