I talk to prospective parents at events both prior to and after they admitted. Presuming you and your child seem interested and engaged during various sessions, essays that make you or your family stand out, any relationships from the school you are coming from/ demonstrated history of successprevious students from your present school have had there, and then a bunch of random factors may come into play (would we prefer more boys to balance out the class? have a LGbTQ family? does the applicant live in a geographic area atypical from where most students come from?) and/or if you explicitly state that the school is your #1 choice may impact decisions, which can and do vary from year to year.

Anonymous wrote:Which ones get thrown in the "no'' file first round?

PIA parents. When we were applying one of the teachers showed us her recommendation form, and it had multiple questions asking about parents. The keys were how did the parents support the school, and do the parents' perception of the child's strengths and weaknesses align with the school's perception. Basically, who thinks their little darling is an angel when they're...most definitely not...and who shows up to volunteer and/or donate. Both questions were designed to give ample opportunity for teachers to let schools knows which parents make their lives harder, whose calls do they just dread, etc..

Anonymous wrote:We live in a community where nearly everyone goes private - everyone on this block happens to send their kids to a big 5. Over all, they're pretty great kids but I would bet anything your kids are just as great. First of all, their parents are rich and the schools know it. Also, they started in pre-K and K, when, let's face it, it's pretty hard to properly judge a kid.

That mom goggles comment was just mean. When I was in school in this area years ago, I literally had my pick of which school I wanted to go to. It just wasn't competitive. It's become totally bonkers. I think what we lose sight of is we just want a place where our kids are happy and thriving.

NP, I love what you wrote here. If I were one of your neighbors, I’d be thankful to know you.

A lot of theories put forth on this thread, but 2 things seem to not be mentioned enough when it comes to getting into a big 3:

1. It is important to "know somebody" preferably a close friend on the board of a school, but knowing head of school or teachers or prominent parents at the school.
2. College legacy status of the parents can help because the high school wants to keep their college placement stats up, and having families with legacy to ivy league colleges and other highly ranked colleges helps a lot.

If you did not get you kid accepted, don't worry. College admissions might be just as good from a public. Public schools have higher GPAs and more AP classes.

I think there are baselines and standards, but some of this is luck. And here is where luck factors in:

1) Were there more girls that applied for less girl slots...and your kid happens to be a girl?

2) Did ten kids from your k-8 apply for the same school?

3) How many siblings applied?

So yes, there are reasons some kids get in but then there are other things that make certain times/schools/etc harder. So my advice is that if you really think your kid is a strong candidate, apply early and apply often. I know families who applied for three different entrance years and finally got in the third time.

I could have written below for a lower year in MS. You don’t know what other parents essays say, which parents don’t ask ridiculous questions, and who graciously shows up at school events. It’s a lot of factors and you can’t compare across years and grades.

Anonymous wrote:Our DD was accepted to a selective MS for 8th grade from public. No hooks. We had to work extra hard to make sure it didn't come down to luck.

She had good grades and high test scores. We got strong recommendations and spent a lot of time polishing the essays and prepping for the interview. We did everything within our control to make her stand out including being seen at as many school events as we could. We sent a first choice letter and are full pay, but not potential large donor.

Basically, we treated this as our dry run for college application.

Our DD was accepted to a selective MS for 8th grade from public. No hooks. We had to work extra hard to make sure it didn't come down to luck.

She had good grades and high test scores. We got strong recommendations and spent a lot of time polishing the essays and prepping for the interview. We did everything within our control to make her stand out including being seen at as many school events as we could. We sent a first choice letter and are full pay, but not potential large donor.

Basically, we treated this as our dry run for college application.

Sometimes a good overall score on WISC or WPPSI or whatever can mask concerning things in the subcategories.

Also, it's not necessarily that any special needs are a total disqualifier, but the parents' attitude towards it, especially if they seem like they're in denial.

Anonymous wrote:Test scores, first choice letters, legacy, URM, sports, being potentially very large donors in addition to full pay.

You seem very confident that you know what went into the other kids' applications, and sometimes there are things that their parents haven't mentioned to you.

I agree with this. We have been through admissions multiple times with our kids. The times we have been successful, it felt like an all-out siege, but none of the strategizing and effort would have been visible to other parents.

Anonymous wrote:The real answer is there is just a lot of randomness to the process. People try to justify the results after and sometimes it is possible to come up with a rationale, but a lot of it is just chance.

+1
After a certain point there is a lot of luck involved. If you have a child who tests well, with perfect or near perfect greats, great recommendations, is involved in activities at a strong level and interviews well it becomes about luck. Believe me there are a ton of these kids who meet all the criteria above.

You might be the No. 2 chess kid in the state but if No. 1 is also applying you might be out out luck. Same for if they are looking for a PG for the basketball team and there's a bigger and faster kid than yours even if yours plays for a top AAU team. Maybe your child is a top swimmer but another swimmer with similar times is URM that year and has nearly identical top grades, scores and recommendations.

DC was accepted at 2 Big 3s and one other very competitive school often discussed in conjunction with the Big 3 schools but in looking at other admitted students I could tell you 10 other kids we know who had the same resumes.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We live in a community where nearly everyone goes private - everyone on this block happens to send their kids to a big 5. Over all, they're pretty great kids but I would bet anything your kids are just as great. First of all, their parents are rich and the schools know it. Also, they started in pre-K and K, when, let's face it, it's pretty hard to properly judge a kid.

That mom goggles comment was just mean. When I was in school in this area years ago, I literally had my pick of which school I wanted to go to. It just wasn't competitive. It's become totally bonkers. I think what we lose sight of is we just want a place where our kids are happy and thriving.

No, some people want affirmation that they are great because their kids won a 'competitive' contest. They are the ones who insist it is not about luck.

In a way, it’s self-perpetuating. The competitive attitude, especially in kids but also in parents, can turn off admissions officers, making it harder for otherwise great kids to get into certain schools. These competitive parents then somehow hear the message that their kids need to try even harder, making the contest seem harder, and making admissions seem like an even bigger prize. When in reality, many kids who get in are just nicer and willing to admit out of 150 applicants, they probably fell into a pool of 30-40 nice, smart kids and were lucky to have been one of the 8-10 non-siblings accepted.

Although I agree that there are many variables, but wealth/family/pedigree status, a personable kid that looks like they will fit in, and test scores that are not abnormal (decently high, but no big gaps across the categories) are most important for the most competitive schools. If you have the first three things you are going to get in. For the rest of the population (a small amount of spots), there is a lot of competition and it depends upon the make up of a class - there will be a few outliers admitted, but if you are not one of them, you can't take it personally.

Anonymous wrote:We live in a community where nearly everyone goes private - everyone on this block happens to send their kids to a big 5. Over all, they're pretty great kids but I would bet anything your kids are just as great. First of all, their parents are rich and the schools know it. Also, they started in pre-K and K, when, let's face it, it's pretty hard to properly judge a kid.

That mom goggles comment was just mean. When I was in school in this area years ago, I literally had my pick of which school I wanted to go to. It just wasn't competitive. It's become totally bonkers. I think what we lose sight of is we just want a place where our kids are happy and thriving.

No, some people want affirmation that they are great because their kids won a 'competitive' contest. They are the ones who insist it is not about luck.

We live in a community where nearly everyone goes private - everyone on this block happens to send their kids to a big 5. Over all, they're pretty great kids but I would bet anything your kids are just as great. First of all, their parents are rich and the schools know it. Also, they started in pre-K and K, when, let's face it, it's pretty hard to properly judge a kid.

That mom goggles comment was just mean. When I was in school in this area years ago, I literally had my pick of which school I wanted to go to. It just wasn't competitive. It's become totally bonkers. I think what we lose sight of is we just want a place where our kids are happy and thriving.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Went through this process last year. DS got into every school applied to, including a 'Big 3' and I don't know why and why some of his friends didn't. My son is well spoken, does not play a sport seriously and does great academically .. Like many of his friends. We're involved parents, but not anywhere near the amount other families. We donate but not as much as many others. Sometimes it's just how the chips fall and it has nothing to do with your son... I'm sure there's some extraordinary kids that earn their spots in the top schools and for others, I think it's down to luck which of the great applicants get chosen.

It's definitely not luck.

It's luck. PPs son had good luck and some kids with equal stats have bad luck. Seriously, it's luck! The kid has to be good AND lucky! Plenty of kids are good and unlucky.