Anonymous
Post 03/15/2024 17:08     Subject: No, I will not sit on your couch all week
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:DH and I live across the country from both sets of parents, which each live in major cities. Not necessarily hot tourist areas, but not the middle of nowhere Iowa, either. When we visit mine, we usually see some sights, eat out at places we don't have here, and just generally have fun in a new area. When we visit his, we...sit at their house.

We're leaving tomorrow for spring break, and I'm dreading it. I don't mind socializing with them (I like them!) but I'm not going to drive 15 hours/fly 3 to watch TV. This has been going on for five years now, and I think I need to start a change before I'm 60 and still doing it. DH is a homebody and no help. Any suggestions?


I'd make my own plans when in their town, and dh can spend time with his parents. Assuming you rent a car and can drive places. Break it up with a museum visit, stores, sights...just for yourself if necessary.


+1. We had a similar dynamic with DH's parents (although we drove there, so I had my own car), and I just did my own thing with one or more of the kids. I invited them along, but they never said yes. This does not seem like a big deal to me.
Anonymous
Post 03/15/2024 17:04     Subject: No, I will not sit on your couch all week
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Yes, we'll have a car. Is it rude to take our 3-year-old to do things? I definitely don't want to be that.


I don't think it is rude as long as she also has plenty of time with them. Just announce that she needs to have some time to run around..


And invite them to be polite.
Anonymous
Post 03/15/2024 13:44     Subject: No, I will not sit on your couch all week
My first thought is that these people must be really sedentary and unhealthy. Sitting around all day every day is extremely bad for your health.
Anonymous
Post 03/15/2024 13:36     Subject: No, I will not sit on your couch all week
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Just make plans and invite them. Something along the line of, "Hey, I heard about the XYZ Museum and I think little Janie would get a kick out of it. We're going to head there on Thursday morning if anyone wants to come along."


PP with the inlaws near San Francisco here.
They'd yell at us. "No! You're not going to the XYZ museum! You're here to see us! You're staying here!"

Do you stay with them? OP stays in an airbnb so that might make it easier.

If my ILs told me this I'd look at them with a puzzled look and be like "Umm no, we're going to the museum. If you don't want to come, we'll see you at 5."
Anonymous
Post 03/15/2024 13:35     Subject: No, I will not sit on your couch all week
Anonymous wrote:you let your dh know in advance that you need to get out every day. I am extroverted so I think i would literally go crazy if I had to do that. A couple of options: the whole group goes, your immediately family goes, you go with your DH and the in laws watch the kids, you go solo. Each day you do one of these these things except maybe the first day, last day, and one in between.

Vacation time and financial resources are too short to waste them sitting around all day.


x1000000 Not anywhere!
Anonymous
Post 03/15/2024 13:33     Subject: No, I will not sit on your couch all week
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Just make plans and invite them. Something along the line of, "Hey, I heard about the XYZ Museum and I think little Janie would get a kick out of it. We're going to head there on Thursday morning if anyone wants to come along."


PP with the inlaws near San Francisco here.
They'd yell at us. "No! You're not going to the XYZ museum! You're here to see us! You're staying here!"


And that would be the last time I visited them.

I don't do well with controlling people. These ILs are beyond controlling.
Anonymous
Post 03/15/2024 13:32     Subject: Re:No, I will not sit on your couch all week
I let my MIL know my schedule so she can plan meals.

We make sure we have time with them and time out of the house.
Anonymous
Post 03/15/2024 13:30     Subject: No, I will not sit on your couch all week
Anonymous wrote:Yes, we'll have a car. Is it rude to take our 3-year-old to do things? I definitely don't want to be that.


No, it’s not rude.

Communicate what you’re doing, and GO! Plan one outing every day — it can be small, like a nearby lake/nature center or big like the aquarium. If you’re staying a week there should be one or two big outings and the rest should be small outings.

The key is to be upbeat and happy, invite everyone to join you, but go anyways even if they decline. Ignore any passive aggressive comments.

Then you come back full of stories about your adventures to tell everyone at dinner. If grandparents don’t go, have your child bring them backs little token gift each day, like soft pretzels if you’re in Philadelphia, or get the photo at zoo. Make it fun.
Anonymous
Post 03/15/2024 13:26     Subject: No, I will not sit on your couch all week
Anonymous wrote:Just make plans and invite them. Something along the line of, "Hey, I heard about the XYZ Museum and I think little Janie would get a kick out of it. We're going to head there on Thursday morning if anyone wants to come along."


PP with the inlaws near San Francisco here.
They'd yell at us. "No! You're not going to the XYZ museum! You're here to see us! You're staying here!"
Anonymous
Post 03/15/2024 13:02     Subject: No, I will not sit on your couch all week
I used to bd in the same bost. Then I thought eff it, and started going out and taking the kids out to parks and activities. Sometimes the in-laws even joined us. I was much happier after that, as were the kids.

It is about finding the right balance. Sitting on a sofa for a week is not that balance.
Anonymous
Post 03/15/2024 12:56     Subject: No, I will not sit on your couch all week
Definitely plan some outings! Invite them to join you, and if they say no or try to guilt you to stay, just say joyfully "Ok! Next time then!" and off you go.
Anonymous
Post 03/15/2024 12:51     Subject: No, I will not sit on your couch all week
Anonymous wrote:Yes, we'll have a car. Is it rude to take our 3-year-old to do things? I definitely don't want to be that.


No and your kid will behave better if you take them out to run around and it's good to stimulate little kids. They can go out each morning, get back in time for lunch, then nap, then wake and go to a local park with the grandparents, then dinner, books/bath, bed.
Anonymous
Post 03/15/2024 12:37     Subject: No, I will not sit on your couch all week
If your IL’s are anything like my IL’s, their list of priority “wanting to see” is 1), my husband, 2 after a significant gap), the grandkids, and I am not even on the list. I’d use the toddler as an excuse. “She’s going through a really active phase right now so I’m going to take her to this nearby park or the local trampoline park or whatever to burn off some energy and hopefully she sleeps well tonight, ha ha! Do you need anything from Target on the way home?” And then just go. Your husband can stay back and visit.
Anonymous
Post 03/15/2024 12:27     Subject: No, I will not sit on your couch all week
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Yes, we'll have a car. Is it rude to take our 3-year-old to do things? I definitely don't want to be that.


Have you actually just been sitting in their house for days on end with a toddler and not doing anything??


Yes. DH feels it's rude not to socialize, especially since we usually sleep in an Airbnb.
Anonymous
Post 03/15/2024 12:23     Subject: No, I will not sit on your couch all week
Anonymous wrote:Yes, we'll have a car. Is it rude to take our 3-year-old to do things? I definitely don't want to be that.


Have you actually just been sitting in their house for days on end with a toddler and not doing anything??