Anonymous wrote:He didn't demand she do this. He's asking how she'd feel about doing so. That's not controlling.

And the one who keeps bringing it up is OP, not him.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think he wants you to dress more feminine. Stop shopping with your mother and try on a few dresses and wear a flat sandal (not a clunky Birkenstock).

This. Wearing your mom’s hand me downs from Kohl’s? No bueno.

Do you do your hair and makeup?

Oh yea.. hair and makeup.

Get a new style this spring for your hair. Where do you live people can give suggestions.

My salon has a woman that helps me with make up every season. We do... day makeup and night makeup. She shows me how to wear it and what new fun things people do. You can do that at ULTA too. 2x a year that is it.

You don't have sisters do you?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is a big range between sweats all the time and hooker outfits. Does he just want you to wear a dress or skirt or a fitted top once in a while, maybe look a little nicer for certain occasions?

After a bunch of my prompting, he used the word "dowdy" for how I dress. He said it shows in how I dress that I come from a conservative family and was not the black sheep of the family. When I asked if he could give me an example from a celebrity he said Riley Keogh's character Christine in a show I've never heard of. He said I have her body and hair but a better face. I asked if he thinks Jennifer Garner is sexy and he paused and then said no, she's pretty and dresses like the 50 yr old mom that she is. I am going to try the white t-shirt thing and the black mock turtleneck dress someone linked from Reformation.

I'm not offended and he's not controlling. Probably a big part of the problem is that when I go clothing shopping it's usually with my mom when visiting back home. Some of my clothes are actually hers.

Was it a problem before he said anything? Were you unhappy with the way you dress/look? Did you ask his opinion, or did he offer it unsolicited?

It wasn't a problem exactly. But I haven't been thrilled with how I dress for a few years, and just am not sure how to change. It's okay - it's always appropriate for the occasion. But maybe I'm wearing stuff my mom would also wear and she's a middle aged midwestern mom who loves Kohl's. I think it was me asking a vague question like "does this look good?" when we were heading off on a date, and him saying yes but what if I dressed a little sexier? Then I've brought it up a couple more times since he said that and more has come out.

Don't worry about all the crazies. It's hard to stay up with fashion, you are in a rut. LOL when I was young my secretary took me shopping because she was like, you look like a Mathematician. I am a Mathematician... she like yea but you don't want to look like one.

It was awesome to feel like okay there are clothes out there that make me look my age, it's okay to show some skin, it's okay to show my belly (not at work), I'm wearing chino's and waist high jeans when they are not flattering or even in style.

You know if your BF is controlling or not, if he was, he could bring clothes home you hate and ask you to wear them. So many abused people on this site they don't know it's okay to ask your GF/spouse to try new looks. Women do it all the time.

Finding an influencer you like is the best idea. Go into a small boutique and ask the sales lady to help you find 1 outfit for a date.

Don't go from dowdy to sexy, go from dowdy to a tiny bit sexy and then play with it until you get to the right amount of sexy for your personality.

Jeans are sexy btw, if you style them correctly.
Get a little black dress but throw a leather jacket or jean jacket over it
Get some sundresses in the summer, jean shorts, short skirts.
Shoes.. ugh that is hard, but high boots, nice sandals, maybe some heals... depends.

Also when you go to a wedding, try "rent the runway".

Op

I think you should offer suggestions to youe boyfriend about his clothing and see how he reacts. Offer to take him shopping!

I get it..you are like most women and a pleaser. You are trying to convince yourself that it is your idea or it isn't controlling but it is.

If you mentioned it than the only answer he should have said is I'm happy with whatever you wear that makes you happy. If you want to change..go for it but I love you just the way you are.

Next step. He will say I really love it when you jave long hair..can you not cut it?

Just be careful

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I love feeling sexy but I'd be so skeptical of a guy suggesting his girlfriend dress differently. If he wanted to date someone who dresses sexy why did he pick you? Just keep up your sense of self, okay OP?

I'm this PP and I re-read some comments and I like the idea of having him take you shopping. It could be fun and if he's paying for it it is more of a gift to you than asking you for a favor.

Dp To me, having my boyfriend take me shopping to please him would creep me out. I don't care if he paid or not! He knew what she wore before and apparently started dating. Why should she change?

THIS!

I would be angry if someone asked me dress “sexier”. And feel cheap if my creeper boyfriend “took me shopping”. Haven’t we evolved past Pretty Woman?

He didn't demand she do this. He's asking how she'd feel about doing so. That's not controlling.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He stressed NOT slutty. Just sexier. I basically dress like I did back in 6th grade. Kind of like Jennifer Garner. Thing is I'd be fine with dressing sexier except I don't know how beyond black lingerie and not flannel pjs (but then what?). My mom would be no help - when I went to prom she got me a dress she and my grandma thought was pretty. My friends are no help - we're all pretty nerdy or athletic. Too embarrassed to ask my brother - might be an awkward conversation.

I have a good body, kind of small boobs, long-ish legs, and I wear a lot of jeans and sweaters or hoodies and sneakers. Can you send me links? I'm fine with dresses or skirts or whatever, as long as everything is machine wash and not dry clean. I work in recruiting for tech and generally wear a sweater for zoom interviews so don't dress up much for work.

This is a big red flag. He wants to change you so I would say "I'm comfortable how I dress. How would you like it if I suggested clothes for you?" Then be prepared to leave this controlling dude.

My husband has completely changed how he dresses because of my influence over the 13 years we’ve been together. I don’t think it’s necessarily and automatically a red flag.

Anonymous wrote:I think he wants you to dress more feminine. Stop shopping with your mother and try on a few dresses and wear a flat sandal (not a clunky Birkenstock).

This. Wearing your mom’s hand me downs from Kohl’s? No bueno.

Do you do your hair and makeup?

I think he wants you to dress more feminine. Stop shopping with your mother and try on a few dresses and wear a flat sandal (not a clunky Birkenstock).

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is a big range between sweats all the time and hooker outfits. Does he just want you to wear a dress or skirt or a fitted top once in a while, maybe look a little nicer for certain occasions?

After a bunch of my prompting, he used the word "dowdy" for how I dress. He said it shows in how I dress that I come from a conservative family and was not the black sheep of the family. When I asked if he could give me an example from a celebrity he said Riley Keogh's character Christine in a show I've never heard of. He said I have her body and hair but a better face. I asked if he thinks Jennifer Garner is sexy and he paused and then said no, she's pretty and dresses like the 50 yr old mom that she is. I am going to try the white t-shirt thing and the black mock turtleneck dress someone linked from Reformation.

I'm not offended and he's not controlling. Probably a big part of the problem is that when I go clothing shopping it's usually with my mom when visiting back home. Some of my clothes are actually hers.

Was it a problem before he said anything? Were you unhappy with the way you dress/look? Did you ask his opinion, or did he offer it unsolicited?

It wasn't a problem exactly. But I haven't been thrilled with how I dress for a few years, and just am not sure how to change. It's okay - it's always appropriate for the occasion. But maybe I'm wearing stuff my mom would also wear and she's a middle aged midwestern mom who loves Kohl's. I think it was me asking a vague question like "does this look good?" when we were heading off on a date, and him saying yes but what if I dressed a little sexier? Then I've brought it up a couple more times since he said that and more has come out.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is a big range between sweats all the time and hooker outfits. Does he just want you to wear a dress or skirt or a fitted top once in a while, maybe look a little nicer for certain occasions?

After a bunch of my prompting, he used the word "dowdy" for how I dress. He said it shows in how I dress that I come from a conservative family and was not the black sheep of the family. When I asked if he could give me an example from a celebrity he said Riley Keogh's character Christine in a show I've never heard of. He said I have her body and hair but a better face. I asked if he thinks Jennifer Garner is sexy and he paused and then said no, she's pretty and dresses like the 50 yr old mom that she is. I am going to try the white t-shirt thing and the black mock turtleneck dress someone linked from Reformation.

I'm not offended and he's not controlling. Probably a big part of the problem is that when I go clothing shopping it's usually with my mom when visiting back home. Some of my clothes are actually hers.

Was it a problem before he said anything? Were you unhappy with the way you dress/look? Did you ask his opinion, or did he offer it unsolicited?

For MOST (key word MOST) men, this means more form-fitting to show your body, and showing some cleavage or some leg in a shorter skirt or dress. The particulars depends on the man. I wouldn’t be 100% offended at his opinions in this respect, but we’d have to talk it out so that he could recognize that it’s not appropriate to wear a miniskirt or an overly tight top at work or whatever. But if he thinks I would look good in a thin slip dress for date night; I could work with that and step out of my comfort zone and try something.

Get on instagram, find some influencers whose style you like, take not of what you would feel comfortable wearing, ask BF his thoughts, buy. Pretty straightforward.

Anonymous wrote:There is a big range between sweats all the time and hooker outfits. Does he just want you to wear a dress or skirt or a fitted top once in a while, maybe look a little nicer for certain occasions?

After a bunch of my prompting, he used the word "dowdy" for how I dress. He said it shows in how I dress that I come from a conservative family and was not the black sheep of the family. When I asked if he could give me an example from a celebrity he said Riley Keogh's character Christine in a show I've never heard of. He said I have her body and hair but a better face. I asked if he thinks Jennifer Garner is sexy and he paused and then said no, she's pretty and dresses like the 50 yr old mom that she is. I am going to try the white t-shirt thing and the black mock turtleneck dress someone linked from Reformation.

I'm not offended and he's not controlling. Probably a big part of the problem is that when I go clothing shopping it's usually with my mom when visiting back home. Some of my clothes are actually hers.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I love feeling sexy but I'd be so skeptical of a guy suggesting his girlfriend dress differently. If he wanted to date someone who dresses sexy why did he pick you? Just keep up your sense of self, okay OP?

I'm this PP and I re-read some comments and I like the idea of having him take you shopping. It could be fun and if he's paying for it it is more of a gift to you than asking you for a favor.

Dp To me, having my boyfriend take me shopping to please him would creep me out. I don't care if he paid or not! He knew what she wore before and apparently started dating. Why should she change?