Anonymous
Post 03/09/2024 09:55     Subject: Boyfriend of 6m initiated a “state of the union” meeting.
Anonymous wrote:I would hate it, but other people would love it. It sounds like an employee review, and a thing that drives me up the wall is when people bring communicating techniques from the work world into their personal lives. My BIL does this, and schedules family meetings that seem like business meetings. It works for some of us, but I can't stand it.



1+. I don't actually see this as a sign of a great communicator. I see this as someone who has controlling tendencies and who won't do well under pressure and who has limited ability for flexibility.

Ymmv ,OP
Anonymous
Post 03/09/2024 09:44     Subject: Boyfriend of 6m initiated a “state of the union” meeting.
Agree that “it depends.” Being able to honestly discuss your relationship is an important skill so (potentially) kudos to him for being able to communicate. But if this is just an excuse for him to say all the things you need to do differently, then that would be a giant red flag.
Anonymous
Post 03/09/2024 09:43     Subject: Re:Boyfriend of 6m initiated a “state of the union” meeting.
DW insisted - back when we were engaged- in going to a hotel over a weekend for this Catholic “pre cana “ thing. I am not Catholic.

It was awesome!

Similarity to what OP’s guy planned: talk about our relationship, likes, dislikes, where we hope it’s going.

Highly recommended.
Anonymous
Post 03/09/2024 09:41     Subject: Boyfriend of 6m initiated a “state of the union” meeting.
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:A man who is proactive about communicating and booked a hotel room? Sign me up as long as there are no other red flags ie big grievances.


The hotel room thing is weird…surely each of these people has a living space to meet at?


Meh. Not a bad idea to meet in some “other place” without distractions.
Anonymous
Post 03/09/2024 09:36     Subject: Boyfriend of 6m initiated a “state of the union” meeting.
Anonymous wrote:If you like logical detail and goal oriented it will be a good match.
Don’t expect spontaneous and go with the flow kind of boyfriend.


This. My first gut reaction is that he has some autistic tendencies. If you have enjoyed his demeanor up until now, that’s fine. But it’s likely to be your whole life together. So see how it goes, but if you don’t enjoy this process at six months, you will hate it at six years. This is why you date - to see if you mesh. They don’t have to be bad people to be not right for you.
Anonymous
Post 03/09/2024 09:22     Subject: Boyfriend of 6m initiated a “state of the union” meeting.
If you like logical detail and goal oriented it will be a good match.
Don’t expect spontaneous and go with the flow kind of boyfriend.
Anonymous
Post 03/09/2024 09:21     Subject: Boyfriend of 6m initiated a “state of the union” meeting.
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:A man who is proactive about communicating and booked a hotel room? Sign me up as long as there are no other red flags ie big grievances.


The hotel room thing is weird…surely each of these people has a living space to meet at?



Probably he has a better imagination than you for the hotel room.


If this was supposed to be a sexy getaway, sure. When you frame it as a business meeting, it’s weird.
Anonymous
Post 03/09/2024 09:18     Subject: Boyfriend of 6m initiated a “state of the union” meeting.
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:A man who is proactive about communicating and booked a hotel room? Sign me up as long as there are no other red flags ie big grievances.


The hotel room thing is weird…surely each of these people has a living space to meet at?



Probably he has a better imagination than you for the hotel room.
Anonymous
Post 03/09/2024 09:15     Subject: Boyfriend of 6m initiated a “state of the union” meeting.
Anonymous wrote:We love each other and are very happy together. He gave me a full page of preparation questions about emotional satisfaction, sex life, individual and mutual goals, domestic life, and finances. Says this is a 6-m review so we can air and address any unspoken expectations or needs. Booked a hotel room. Thoughts?


Coming out of a 17 year marriage, full disclosure — but I think this sounds good. I’d love to be with someone who understood that clear communication on all these topics is the basis for a strong longterm relationship. If my bf did this I’d be extremely turned on that he wanted to talk through everything and the romantic hotel room would not go to waste!
Anonymous
Post 03/09/2024 09:13     Subject: Boyfriend of 6m initiated a “state of the union” meeting.
Anonymous wrote:We do this once a month. Minus the hotel room, ha. And it’s less Big. But we get delivery of all the things and sit in the living room. We snuggle and ask some questions about how we felt communication went the last month, what’s working well, anything we want to focus on, anything that feels unresolved or upsetting that the other didn’t bring up, how intimacy felt. Stuff like that.

It isn’t that weird once you start doing it, and I really feel like it’s helped both feel happy as we think back on the month and also not keep upsetting things pushed down that, for whatever reason, we didn’t bring up at the time. Stops resentment from building over little or big things.

We cuddle and enjoy food and maybe have sex or watch a show after. It’s a really nice thing. We both came from pretty challenging relationships before, and this feels healthy.


Once a month?! How long have you been together?
Anonymous
Post 03/09/2024 09:06     Subject: Boyfriend of 6m initiated a “state of the union” meeting.
My husband and I have done marriage enrichment activities for almost 20 years, and it can be a little like this. We love it. We attend a marriage retreat each year where you set goals, etc.

That said, this seems a little OTT for six months. He is either going to be a great communicator and this will be fun. Or, he is a whackadoo— only you can figure this out.
Anonymous
Post 03/09/2024 09:04     Subject: Boyfriend of 6m initiated a “state of the union” meeting.
Anonymous wrote:I would hate it, but other people would love it. It sounds like an employee review, and a thing that drives me up the wall is when people bring communicating techniques from the work world into their personal lives. My BIL does this, and schedules family meetings that seem like business meetings. It works for some of us, but I can't stand it.

+1 I think it's weird.
Anonymous
Post 03/09/2024 09:03     Subject: Boyfriend of 6m initiated a “state of the union” meeting.
I take it that he values the relationship and is trying to do this in a fun way. Especially if he is divorced, other ltr ended, or saw dysfunction in parents relationship, maybe he wants to make sure you have a good pattern of open communication - and better to start that when things are going well. And if he does end up being nitpicking and controlling, then you know and can decide from there.
Anonymous
Post 03/09/2024 09:03     Subject: Boyfriend of 6m initiated a “state of the union” meeting.
I think it's weird as hell, but I don't know thesn.

If you're uncomfortable with it let him know.

How he responds will.let you know the real state of your union.
Anonymous
Post 03/09/2024 09:02     Subject: Boyfriend of 6m initiated a “state of the union” meeting.
We do this once a month. Minus the hotel room, ha. And it’s less Big. But we get delivery of all the things and sit in the living room. We snuggle and ask some questions about how we felt communication went the last month, what’s working well, anything we want to focus on, anything that feels unresolved or upsetting that the other didn’t bring up, how intimacy felt. Stuff like that.

It isn’t that weird once you start doing it, and I really feel like it’s helped both feel happy as we think back on the month and also not keep upsetting things pushed down that, for whatever reason, we didn’t bring up at the time. Stops resentment from building over little or big things.

We cuddle and enjoy food and maybe have sex or watch a show after. It’s a really nice thing. We both came from pretty challenging relationships before, and this feels healthy.