Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

As someone who was manipulated into staying in state because I thought I was magically tied to their finances, tread lightly. The regret runs high.

When I was younger, I was aggressively pressured to go to Princeton over another HYPSM school(an embarrassment of riches, I know). The other school had been my dream since childhood but I turned it down anyway to appease my father.

I have always harbored some resentment over that choice.

Jeez, & I thought having a parent die was tough. But Princeton? That’s brutal.

My heart skipped a beat when I read PP’s post. Praying hard right now. I hope she finds peace.

Anonymous wrote:

As someone who was manipulated into staying in state because I thought I was magically tied to their finances, tread lightly. The regret runs high.

When I was younger, I was aggressively pressured to go to Princeton over another HYPSM school(an embarrassment of riches, I know). The other school had been my dream since childhood but I turned it down anyway to appease my father.

I have always harbored some resentment over that choice.

Jeez, & I thought having a parent die was tough. But Princeton? That’s brutal.

Anonymous wrote:DC had no strong opinions and let us influence the college chosen.

Well you know that his spouse will be in charge then, right?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think there are differences between these that should make much of a difference.

My child was accepted to UGA and UMD and will likely pick UGA. They didn’t apply to Wisconsin. UMD would be much less for us because we are in state and they received a scholarship. If finances aren’t a concern for you, I think these three schools are pretty similar academically and I would let my kid decide. Mine has been clear from the beginning that they didn’t want to go to UMD and honors/scholarship didn’t persuade them.

UGA is great! Why didn't they apply to Wisconsin? Too cold?

I think it was the more urban feel near the capitol as well as the cold. Loved the lake but thought rest of the campus wasn’t as nice as the schools they applied to.

We were involved or provided feedback on each of the schools our student applied to. Once the applications and results started coming in we asked that our student track the financial aspect of each school and rank their interest in each. They quickly developed a list of the top 4 - all within our financial means and all "preapproved" by us. The final decision was theirs and while we might have had our own opinions of their choice, we allowed them to accept the school they felt they wanted to attend. Did I have some reservations? Yes, but ultimately they are the ones that have to live there and work hard for 4 years. It should be someplace they want to be. We left our opinions to ourselves.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel like it’s appropriate to give your opinion. That’s part of parenting, helping them make good decisions.

+1 why wouldn’t you provide your opinion on their biggest decision yet in their life? I don’t understand op’s perspective at all.

I think it depends on the kid. My DD was insistent that she do her application 99% by herself (she only asked us with help for the parent questions - she wasn’t sure what degrees we each had). We recommended a few schools she may want to apply to but she picked most herself. She has now narrowed it down to 2 and really hasn’t asked for our input. She wants the decision to be hers. If she asked for our opinion (which I’m pretty sure she won’t), we’re happy to give it. Otherwise she’s in a better position to decide where she thinks she’ll be happiest.

Anonymous wrote:OP here- I clarified above. Not top 20! UGA vs Wisconsin. UMD a far third.

Yea OP you are all over this board and your stress and interference is palpable. All three of these schools are fine. Better than fine. Strong and peer schools. He can’t go wrong. Butt out man!

DS1 - Applied to a bunch a schools I never envisioned him attending, mainly due to distance and how far away from home. I tried to get him to not apply, but he did anyway.

He was accepted to one of those schools. They accepted him into a great honors program. We flew out for admitted students day. They did a great job (btw - it wasn’t the most flashy day in comparison to others). The school really wanted him - program director sent handwritten notes. I ultimately was swayed it was a great school and the right option for him.

[mastodon]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel like it’s appropriate to give your opinion. That’s part of parenting, helping them make good decisions.

+1 why wouldn’t you provide your opinion on their biggest decision yet in their life? I don’t understand op’s perspective at all.

Because your view that it’s such a big decision isn’t objectively true and inserts an unnecessary element of stress and drama.

Anonymous wrote:OP here- I clarified above. Not top 20! UGA vs Wisconsin. UMD a far third.

In this case, let him pick. Perhaps he wants to try something new. They aren’t so wildly different quality-wise it will matter.

Anonymous wrote:As someone who was manipulated into staying in state because I thought I was magically tied to their finances, tread lightly. The regret runs high.

Oh grow up.

Anonymous wrote:I feel like it’s appropriate to give your opinion. That’s part of parenting, helping them make good decisions.

Except it doesn’t always help.

Anonymous wrote:OP here- I clarified above. Not top 20! UGA vs Wisconsin. UMD a far third.

The important aspect to consider is the reason or reasons why one--parent or student--prefers one school over another.

Anonymous wrote:

As someone who was manipulated into staying in state because I thought I was magically tied to their finances, tread lightly. The regret runs high.

When I was younger, I was aggressively pressured to go to Princeton over another HYPSM school(an embarrassment of riches, I know). The other school had been my dream since childhood but I turned it down anyway to appease my father.

I have always harbored some resentment over that choice.

Why would you name one school but not the other ?

Doesn't really matter in this case as we all know that the other school was Yale.

Anonymous wrote:As someone who was manipulated into staying in state because I thought I was magically tied to their finances, tread lightly. The regret runs high.

How aren’t you tied to their finances if you don’t have your own money? I guess you could take our ridiculous amount of loans. I am asking this seriously because this is where we are - we can give you a 100% paid state education or you can take that money and supplement with your own loans to get something different.