Anonymous
Post 03/04/2024 09:32     Subject: Sad about no longer being attracted to DW
Anonymous wrote:I don’t think the issue is just weight, which is what everyone is focusing on. I have a friend who comes to mind who is much curvier in her 40s after a couple kids than she was in her 20s

But she also has the money now to have a fantastic wardrobe. Every time I see her, her outfit is amazing. Even casual stuff just seems tailored to her well. She has perfect hair and a pretty face. She’s a very active and social person. Been with her husband since early 20s and they still seem very happy together.

So even though she has gained weight, she hasn’t let herself go. She’s not just a frump. Seeing her look great gives me motivation to want to find nice clothes too. It feels good to look put together (even in casual WAH outfits).

I do light Botox, have fresh balayage every few months, and wear light makeup for myself. My DH makes comments about how I look so great even after 3 kids. But I have a really flexible low stress job as does my friend who has time to manage self care. There are only so many hours in the day, and you can only outsource so much around the house.

Maybe OP’s wife is in too stressful of a job (since he mentioned a full time nanny and cleaner) to have time to take care of herself.


This is so on point. I couldn’t even lose weight until I started dressing nicer and doing more self care. These things all go together.
Anonymous
Post 03/04/2024 09:31     Subject: Sad about no longer being attracted to DW
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Fat people always talk about not having time to exercise.

Everyone can find a half hour or they’re lying about how they spend their time. (A half hour is not great, but something is always better than nothing).

More importantly, after middle age, diet is the primary factor for normal people who just want to look nice and aren’t striving to be an underwear model. Everyone has time to eat less.

There really isn't any point to this post besides shaming. He said she works out.


Her diet is sht. Jumping on him about not helping around the house is completely off base.

Let me guess...you're a man.
It's very on point.


Let me guess. You’re fat.
Anonymous
Post 03/04/2024 09:30     Subject: Sad about no longer being attracted to DW
Anonymous wrote:The idea that women (or anyone) can lose weight only if they have the time to work out and cook healthy food is a lie spread to sell stuff (like gym memberships, personal trainers, and expensive groceries) and to make people feel better about being fat. If you want to lose weight, you have to take in fewer calories than you burn. The most efficient way to do that is to eat less, which means developing better habits about your food consumption. Plus, eating less takes LESS time and costs LESS money. The amount your body burns in its resting state declines as you age, which means that to avoid gaining weight as you age, you have to also reduce the amount you eat. It's very simple, and the nutritionists who aren't trying to sell you some fad product know this.


I’m with you. But this is an internal change that fundamentally affects the way you think and the way you live your day to day life.
Asking someone to lose weight for you is like asking someone to change their religion and honestly believe in it for you. It doesn’t take a lot of time or money to commit to a regular prayer life, it costs less than other kinds of entertainment, and it’s probably good for you.
But it’s a lot to ask of someone else if they don’t fundamentally believe it.

Anonymous
Post 03/04/2024 09:28     Subject: Sad about no longer being attracted to DW
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Fat people always talk about not having time to exercise.

Everyone can find a half hour or they’re lying about how they spend their time. (A half hour is not great, but something is always better than nothing).

More importantly, after middle age, diet is the primary factor for normal people who just want to look nice and aren’t striving to be an underwear model. Everyone has time to eat less.

There really isn't any point to this post besides shaming. He said she works out.


Her diet is sht. Jumping on him about not helping around the house is completely off base.

Let me guess...you're a man.
It's very on point.
Anonymous
Post 03/04/2024 09:26     Subject: Sad about no longer being attracted to DW
I don’t think the issue is just weight, which is what everyone is focusing on. I have a friend who comes to mind who is much curvier in her 40s after a couple kids than she was in her 20s

But she also has the money now to have a fantastic wardrobe. Every time I see her, her outfit is amazing. Even casual stuff just seems tailored to her well. She has perfect hair and a pretty face. She’s a very active and social person. Been with her husband since early 20s and they still seem very happy together.

So even though she has gained weight, she hasn’t let herself go. She’s not just a frump. Seeing her look great gives me motivation to want to find nice clothes too. It feels good to look put together (even in casual WAH outfits).

I do light Botox, have fresh balayage every few months, and wear light makeup for myself. My DH makes comments about how I look so great even after 3 kids. But I have a really flexible low stress job as does my friend who has time to manage self care. There are only so many hours in the day, and you can only outsource so much around the house.

Maybe OP’s wife is in too stressful of a job (since he mentioned a full time nanny and cleaner) to have time to take care of herself.
Anonymous
Post 03/04/2024 09:24     Subject: Sad about no longer being attracted to DW
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Fat people always talk about not having time to exercise.

Everyone can find a half hour or they’re lying about how they spend their time. (A half hour is not great, but something is always better than nothing).

More importantly, after middle age, diet is the primary factor for normal people who just want to look nice and aren’t striving to be an underwear model. Everyone has time to eat less.

There really isn't any point to this post besides shaming. He said she works out.


Her diet is sht. Jumping on him about not helping around the house is completely off base.
Anonymous
Post 03/04/2024 09:24     Subject: Sad about no longer being attracted to DW
Anonymous wrote:The idea that women (or anyone) can lose weight only if they have the time to work out and cook healthy food is a lie spread to sell stuff (like gym memberships, personal trainers, and expensive groceries) and to make people feel better about being fat. If you want to lose weight, you have to take in fewer calories than you burn. The most efficient way to do that is to eat less, which means developing better habits about your food consumption. Plus, eating less takes LESS time and costs LESS money. The amount your body burns in its resting state declines as you age, which means that to avoid gaining weight as you age, you have to also reduce the amount you eat. It's very simple, and the nutritionists who aren't trying to sell you some fad product know this.


It’s a lot easier and healthier if you do strength training, which doesn’t require a gym membership, but sometimes that makes it easier. You also have to think and plan more. A high protein diet with lots of vegetables is more helpful, but a typical family doesn’t want to eat like that.
Anonymous
Post 03/04/2024 09:22     Subject: Re:Sad about no longer being attracted to DW
The weight loss thing takes a long time. It can easily take 6 months to lose 25 lbs, and that’s with pretty consistently losing weight.


Is there something that she can do now? Like get her hair cut or dyed or wear some different clothes? I think that’s a much easier ask.
Anonymous
Post 03/04/2024 09:21     Subject: Sad about no longer being attracted to DW
I don't know why people are talking so much about weight. You can be overweight and still attractive. It's about confidence, a good personality, and putting effort into how you dress. This is hard for moms because being a mom is time-consuming and makes you tired, which makes it harder to feel confident and have the time or energy to put into your appearance and doing things that make you happy. And so many poor women are expected to take care of their kids and their parents at the same time, ugh. Men somehow seem to not have to do that. So yeah, we should give frumpy moms a break, and a lot of rest.
Anonymous
Post 03/04/2024 09:19     Subject: Sad about no longer being attracted to DW
Anonymous wrote:Men have such delicate egos and delicate erections. There are few things sadder than an old man who needs a young woman to coax it up.


Nothing sadder than the effects of 10 million years of evolution.
Anonymous
Post 03/04/2024 09:13     Subject: Sad about no longer being attracted to DW
The idea that women (or anyone) can lose weight only if they have the time to work out and cook healthy food is a lie spread to sell stuff (like gym memberships, personal trainers, and expensive groceries) and to make people feel better about being fat. If you want to lose weight, you have to take in fewer calories than you burn. The most efficient way to do that is to eat less, which means developing better habits about your food consumption. Plus, eating less takes LESS time and costs LESS money. The amount your body burns in its resting state declines as you age, which means that to avoid gaining weight as you age, you have to also reduce the amount you eat. It's very simple, and the nutritionists who aren't trying to sell you some fad product know this.
Anonymous
Post 03/04/2024 09:11     Subject: Sad about no longer being attracted to DW
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Fat people always talk about not having time to exercise.

Everyone can find a half hour or they’re lying about how they spend their time. (A half hour is not great, but something is always better than nothing).

More importantly, after middle age, diet is the primary factor for normal people who just want to look nice and aren’t striving to be an underwear model. Everyone has time to eat less.

There really isn't any point to this post besides shaming. He said she works out.


You cannot outrun the fork. You need to eat clean 95% of the time to lose weight.
Anonymous
Post 03/04/2024 09:05     Subject: Sad about no longer being attracted to DW
She probably knows how you feel which makes her feel depressed (or at least bummed out) which makes her less likely to put in effort. It's a bit of a sad cycle. Can you take her out to a nice evening so she has a good reason to dress up and maybe even buy a new outfit and get a good haircut? It might boost her confidence.

Also, you have to keep in mind that for a woman to look nice, it can take a lot of time and effort. Sometimes women are criticized for not having hobbies but if a woman always looks really cute, that probably is their hobby (or they have a lot of spare time).
Anonymous
Post 03/04/2024 09:01     Subject: Re:Sad about no longer being attracted to DW
I am far from my wedding weight and try hard to lose it but it is very difficult. Thankfully, my husband seems very appreciative of my bedroom skills which I’ve honed over the years. If I just lay there he wouldn’t be attracted to me at least sexually.
Anonymous
Post 03/04/2024 08:57     Subject: Sad about no longer being attracted to DW
Anonymous wrote:Fat people always talk about not having time to exercise.

Everyone can find a half hour or they’re lying about how they spend their time. (A half hour is not great, but something is always better than nothing).

More importantly, after middle age, diet is the primary factor for normal people who just want to look nice and aren’t striving to be an underwear model. Everyone has time to eat less.

There really isn't any point to this post besides shaming. He said she works out.