Is he schizophrenic?

In my younger days, I seemed to attract them (3 altogether).

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If the depression issues are that obvious, tell him you're worried that he is not emotionally ready for a relationship. That will let him down easy without hurting his ego.

No, she is not his therapist.

I would just not be very responsive this week. (Like slow and sparse with my responses). Then say that you are not feeling like there is longterm potential and that is what you are looking for.

I mean it will hurt him, just as it would hurt you. But that is always a possibility when you interact with other humans!

Some ghost this person. Be the adult and use your words and say you don’t think you’re a good fit and wish him well. Period. Nothing more is needed!

*Don’t

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If the depression issues are that obvious, tell him you're worried that he is not emotionally ready for a relationship. That will let him down easy without hurting his ego.

No, she is not his therapist.

I would just not be very responsive this week. (Like slow and sparse with my responses). Then say that you are not feeling like there is longterm potential and that is what you are looking for.

I mean it will hurt him, just as it would hurt you. But that is always a possibility when you interact with other humans!

Some ghost this person. Be the adult and use your words and say you don’t think you’re a good fit and wish him well. Period. Nothing more is needed!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:how did the depression issues become obvious after sex?

I can't describe it due to privacy concerns but lets say I just had a chance to spend more time in his environment

You snooped in his medicine cabinet.

!!!

Not OP, but I briefly dated a man whose psych and other prescriptions were on an open shelf in his bathroom for all to see. Not everyone is hiding their psych meds.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:how did the depression issues become obvious after sex?

I can't describe it due to privacy concerns but lets say I just had a chance to spend more time in his environment

You snooped in his medicine cabinet.

!!!

Anonymous wrote:He’s a really nice person, and I was attracted. But obvious ED issues and depression that became obvious after we had slept. I don’t want to hurt him more, as he had negative experiences with other women. But I just don’t have space in my life to deal with these issues.
How do you explain this to men you no longer want to see them after the first sex? I had very few partners and prior to that all my “sleepovers” went well and resulted in LTR. So not sure how to do this.
Any suggestions on the right wording ?

Don’t worry, he will likely get into one of his safety schools in the Regular Decision cycle.

Climb out the window and hope you land on something soft.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“See if he does better?” I thought it was the depression that was putting you off; that won’t change, even if he is able to perform in bed.

Btw the ED may be the result of depression meds - it’s a common side effect.

Yes, depression and other circumstances in his life is what puts me off the most.

Thanks for suggestions, everyone

Is he an alcoholic who takes depression and/or other mood stabilizing meds? BTDT. Doesn’t get better.

OP here - you are close but also much worse than that. No, it’s not just because he couldn’t have sex in the morning or was emotional.

So he's on non-prescription drugs? If that's the case, you have an issue with his drug use, not "depression".

One makes you sound pragmatic; it's hard to be in a relationship with someone who's already in a relationship with their substance(s) of choice. The other makes you sound ableist af.

I don't think OP should put it on herself and say she can't support him through "issues." It makes her seem cold, almost unkind. Their relationship is not so far along that it would be expected to be together through the good times and the bad...

Anonymous wrote:If the depression issues are that obvious, tell him you're worried that he is not emotionally ready for a relationship. That will let him down easy without hurting his ego.

This is the wrong response. What you need is the classics it’s not you it’s me conversation. Plenty of people would be able to take this on. For OP, the distinction she needs to draw is, “I am not at a point in my life where I can be the support you need or deserve with these issues.”

Everyone has things they can or cannot deal with. For OP she’s not cut out for depression and ED. There are others who might be able to. Frame it as a you issue OP.

I am like this with people in recovery OP. There is nothing wrong with them but it is a triggering issue for me and I am not the right partner for someone with this history. I could handle ED though. People are different.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“See if he does better?” I thought it was the depression that was putting you off; that won’t change, even if he is able to perform in bed.

Btw the ED may be the result of depression meds - it’s a common side effect.

Yes, depression and other circumstances in his life is what puts me off the most.

Thanks for suggestions, everyone

Is he an alcoholic who takes depression and/or other mood stabilizing meds? BTDT. Doesn’t get better.

OP here - you are close but also much worse than that. No, it’s not just because he couldn’t have sex in the morning or was emotional.

Is he on Antabuse or a similar med that makes him sick if he does drink? That would be a huge red flag to me.

If I was the man in that situation (I am a man), I'd just want to be ghosted. Or lie to me and tell me "I'm not ready for intimacy/relationship" or "I think I found someone else."

The idea of being brutally honest when breaking up from a short term relationship/situation is overrated

Anonymous wrote:“See if he does better?” I thought it was the depression that was putting you off; that won’t change, even if he is able to perform in bed.

Btw the ED may be the result of depression meds - it’s a common side effect.

Or maybe he was nervous. The first time isn’t always the best. If you like him otherwise I’d give him another chance.

If not, just say you’re not feeling the connection you’re looking for and wish him well.

Anonymous wrote:OP - has he followed up? Asked you out again? If not, then no need to reach out first. But if he does, let him know that you aren’t interested in pursuing a romantic relationship with him. Pull the bandaid off.

Yes he did why would I post this question otherwise ?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“See if he does better?” I thought it was the depression that was putting you off; that won’t change, even if he is able to perform in bed.

Btw the ED may be the result of depression meds - it’s a common side effect.

Yes, depression and other circumstances in his life is what puts me off the most.

Thanks for suggestions, everyone

Is he an alcoholic who takes depression and/or other mood stabilizing meds? BTDT. Doesn’t get better.

OP here - you are close but also much worse than that. No, it’s not just because he couldn’t have sex in the morning or was emotional.