Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does she have ADHD?

Sure looks like it! I have have ADHD and $hit like this all the time.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Rack of lamb is super easy to prep, and a couple of sides are very easy to make, too.

A lamb died and you threw it away. You both need to get your heads out.

I was thinking that too. It takes maybe ten more minutes than tacos.

I also don’t think it takes more than a few hours to plant a rose garden. Especially if someone has already gotten rid of the grass.

These aren’t ongoing projects.

But also like why didn’t OP just put the lamb in the freezer before it went bad?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Rack of lamb is super easy to prep, and a couple of sides are very easy to make, too.

A lamb died and you threw it away. You both need to get your heads out.

I was thinking that too. It takes maybe ten more minutes than tacos.

I also don’t think it takes more than a few hours to plant a rose garden. Especially if someone has already gotten rid of the grass.

These aren’t ongoing projects.

Anonymous wrote:I think I’m a lot like your wife.

It means a lot to me when my husband helps out with these little projects. It would make me feel loved and connected if we spent the weekend working together to put in a rose garden that I wanted. I would feel good about my husband and my marriage every time I looked at it.

It would absolutely hurt me if my husband told me that he thought it was a waste of time, and he wished he had spent the weekend fixing something that we could absolutely hire someone to fix. Instead of feeling lucky and loving, I would feel lonely and stupid every time I looked at the rose garden.

Anonymous wrote:Rack of lamb is super easy to prep, and a couple of sides are very easy to make, too.

A lamb died and you threw it away. You both need to get your heads out.

Anonymous wrote:Rack of lamb is super easy to prep, and a couple of sides are very easy to make, too.

A lamb died and you threw it away. You both need to get your heads out.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does she have ADHD?

Sure looks like it! I have have ADHD and $hit like this all the time.

Me too. Plus I'm a perfectionist and aspirational with lots of ideas about what I could/should do around the house, which all translates into aborted projects and buying things that will never be used.

Anonymous wrote:[img]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think I’m a lot like your wife.

It means a lot to me when my husband helps out with these little projects. It would make me feel loved and connected if we spent the weekend working together to put in a rose garden that I wanted. I would feel good about my husband and my marriage every time I looked at it.

It would absolutely hurt me if my husband told me that he thought it was a waste of time, and he wished he had spent the weekend fixing something that we could absolutely hire someone to fix. Instead of feeling lucky and loving, I would feel lonely and stupid every time I looked at the rose garden.

I’m the first commenter and I too am a lot like you and OP’s wife. The thing is that if my husband indulged all my half-baked ideas with loving enthusiasm, he would never get to have any projects or hobbies of his own because he would be indulging me AND like OP’s bathroom leak, keeping our house from falling down around us. It took me a while to realize how much my hobbies and projects usually are 1-2 weeks of fun for me and then my husband takes over caring for them. Like the compost bin I never rotated, the garden I never tend to, the solo stove I can’t light by myself, etc. I have a track record of introducing things that make more work for him and he finally asked me to stop - or to give something up if I wanted a new thing.

Ultimately the little projects have to be mutual or you have to be able to be just as enthusiastic and supportive of his little projects too.

Op here. That’s a commendable amount of self awareness. Your husband is a lucky guy. Can I ask you what helps when you are in a little self esteem spiral. When my wife gets down it’s a day killer and we’re at 120% of capacity already

Anonymous wrote:
OP,

I don't know how you can broach the subject of ADHD, but this is what she likely has. The executive function issues, the emotional dysregulation, it's all textbook. She will probably balk at any psych diagnosis, but if she could be persuaded to try meds, it might help with the chaos and mood issues.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:[img]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think I’m a lot like your wife.

It means a lot to me when my husband helps out with these little projects. It would make me feel loved and connected if we spent the weekend working together to put in a rose garden that I wanted. I would feel good about my husband and my marriage every time I looked at it.

It would absolutely hurt me if my husband told me that he thought it was a waste of time, and he wished he had spent the weekend fixing something that we could absolutely hire someone to fix. Instead of feeling lucky and loving, I would feel lonely and stupid every time I looked at the rose garden.

I’m the first commenter and I too am a lot like you and OP’s wife. The thing is that if my husband indulged all my half-baked ideas with loving enthusiasm, he would never get to have any projects or hobbies of his own because he would be indulging me AND like OP’s bathroom leak, keeping our house from falling down around us. It took me a while to realize how much my hobbies and projects usually are 1-2 weeks of fun for me and then my husband takes over caring for them. Like the compost bin I never rotated, the garden I never tend to, the solo stove I can’t light by myself, etc. I have a track record of introducing things that make more work for him and he finally asked me to stop - or to give something up if I wanted a new thing.

Ultimately the little projects have to be mutual or you have to be able to be just as enthusiastic and supportive of his little projects too.

Op here. That’s a commendable amount of self awareness. Your husband is a lucky guy. Can I ask you what helps when you are in a little self esteem spiral. When my wife gets down it’s a day killer and we’re at 120% of capacity already

This is part of the problem and its not sustainable. Is your wife on social media? If so, she probably shouldn't be. That's who is telling her all these things she "needs" to be doing.

You’re not wrong but we are where we are. We just have to get through till the kids are driving (5 years). As to your other point she’s a social media fiend

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does she have ADHD?

Sure looks like it! I have have ADHD and $hit like this all the time.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:[img]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think I’m a lot like your wife.

It means a lot to me when my husband helps out with these little projects. It would make me feel loved and connected if we spent the weekend working together to put in a rose garden that I wanted. I would feel good about my husband and my marriage every time I looked at it.

It would absolutely hurt me if my husband told me that he thought it was a waste of time, and he wished he had spent the weekend fixing something that we could absolutely hire someone to fix. Instead of feeling lucky and loving, I would feel lonely and stupid every time I looked at the rose garden.

I’m the first commenter and I too am a lot like you and OP’s wife. The thing is that if my husband indulged all my half-baked ideas with loving enthusiasm, he would never get to have any projects or hobbies of his own because he would be indulging me AND like OP’s bathroom leak, keeping our house from falling down around us. It took me a while to realize how much my hobbies and projects usually are 1-2 weeks of fun for me and then my husband takes over caring for them. Like the compost bin I never rotated, the garden I never tend to, the solo stove I can’t light by myself, etc. I have a track record of introducing things that make more work for him and he finally asked me to stop - or to give something up if I wanted a new thing.

Ultimately the little projects have to be mutual or you have to be able to be just as enthusiastic and supportive of his little projects too.

Op here. That’s a commendable amount of self awareness. Your husband is a lucky guy. Can I ask you what helps when you are in a little self esteem spiral. When my wife gets down it’s a day killer and we’re at 120% of capacity already

This is part of the problem and its not sustainable. Is your wife on social media? If so, she probably shouldn't be. That's who is telling her all these things she "needs" to be doing.

You’re not wrong but we are where we are. We just have to get through till the kids are driving (5 years). As to your other point she’s a social media fiend

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:[img]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think I’m a lot like your wife.

It means a lot to me when my husband helps out with these little projects. It would make me feel loved and connected if we spent the weekend working together to put in a rose garden that I wanted. I would feel good about my husband and my marriage every time I looked at it.

It would absolutely hurt me if my husband told me that he thought it was a waste of time, and he wished he had spent the weekend fixing something that we could absolutely hire someone to fix. Instead of feeling lucky and loving, I would feel lonely and stupid every time I looked at the rose garden.

I’m the first commenter and I too am a lot like you and OP’s wife. The thing is that if my husband indulged all my half-baked ideas with loving enthusiasm, he would never get to have any projects or hobbies of his own because he would be indulging me AND like OP’s bathroom leak, keeping our house from falling down around us. It took me a while to realize how much my hobbies and projects usually are 1-2 weeks of fun for me and then my husband takes over caring for them. Like the compost bin I never rotated, the garden I never tend to, the solo stove I can’t light by myself, etc. I have a track record of introducing things that make more work for him and he finally asked me to stop - or to give something up if I wanted a new thing.

Ultimately the little projects have to be mutual or you have to be able to be just as enthusiastic and supportive of his little projects too.

Op here. That’s a commendable amount of self awareness. Your husband is a lucky guy. Can I ask you what helps when you are in a little self esteem spiral. When my wife gets down it’s a day killer and we’re at 120% of capacity already

This is part of the problem and its not sustainable. Is your wife on social media? If so, she probably shouldn't be. That's who is telling her all these things she "needs" to be doing.