Anonymous wrote:Anyone who is answering this before their kids are HS age is giving premature feedback. Middle school / HS is when the reasons for potential regrets (if present) will become show up

+1

I’d suggest asking on the teen/tween board or general parenting (or a doing a search- perhaps has been asked already)

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Above poster adding that I like the idea that he could take a gap year after high school if he wants and still enter college at 19.

In the younger grades, you do have to make sure your age appropriate son is not being compared developmentally and emotionally to the kids that are over a year older than him.

What good is a gap year if they were not as ready or mature in high school as they should have done and the grades reflect that? The damage is done.

Why hold a perfectly ready child back at kindergarten? If you see the child struggling at 8th, then reassess. You don’t have that option if you hold your kid back at K unless you want to have them be 2 years older than the other kids in their graduating class. My July 8th grader is doing well and I’m glad we started him on time. I don’t think any future struggles in high school would be different if he was a year older.

We didn’t consider gap year timing when he started K as we didn’t consider holding him back. But when posts like this, it crosses my mind.

Because there are zero drawbacks to red shirting, that’s why.

Actually there can be. My niece struggled a lot emotionally with being red shirted. I understand why her parents delayed K. She was a sweet and silly preschooler who liked to play and they didn’t want her stressed by K. But by 1st grade she was aware she was the oldest and it bothered her. She is now in HS and still complaining that she wishes she were a grade ahead. Socially she really didn’t find her people until HS when she was able to be in classes with older kids.

Sounds like she would be miserable no matter what.

Anonymous wrote:You’ll regret it. Give him the gift of a year.

You aren't gifting a year. You are delaying being an adult and college for a year, which meets your needs, not theirs. If they are delayed, get them help. OP is saying her child is on target and there is zero reason to delay.

We caved into the pressure with our September child. Child ended up skipping a grade early on as it wasn't the right choice.

Parents do it as it's easier for them. Teachers push it as it's easier on them.

You cannot gift time or maturity. Holding back does not make them less mature. It lowers the expectations so your child isn't being compared to kids their own age so they look artificially more mature than they really are.

My DS is a May birthday (on the younger side in his class but not so young we considered redshirting) and currently a freshman in HS.

No academic issues or problems in elementary. As a few others have noted, puberty can be a bit of an X factor. My DS has been very late to puberty and middle school was quite rough socially. He is just hitting puberty now.

Now- my DS would’ve been a late bloomer either way, middle school is rough for many, and that stage is but a blip on the radar in the grand scheme. All true. However, his self esteem and social confidence has definitely suffered. An extra year would’ve been a help to him in that way. I’m not sure how much that will matter in the big picture, but at this particular moment in time it matters a lot.

Just something to consider.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Above poster adding that I like the idea that he could take a gap year after high school if he wants and still enter college at 19.

In the younger grades, you do have to make sure your age appropriate son is not being compared developmentally and emotionally to the kids that are over a year older than him.

What good is a gap year if they were not as ready or mature in high school as they should have done and the grades reflect that? The damage is done.

Why hold a perfectly ready child back at kindergarten? If you see the child struggling at 8th, then reassess. You don’t have that option if you hold your kid back at K unless you want to have them be 2 years older than the other kids in their graduating class. My July 8th grader is doing well and I’m glad we started him on time. I don’t think any future struggles in high school would be different if he was a year older.

We didn’t consider gap year timing when he started K as we didn’t consider holding him back. But when posts like this, it crosses my mind.

Because there are zero drawbacks to red shirting, that’s why.

Actually there can be. My niece struggled a lot emotionally with being red shirted. I understand why her parents delayed K. She was a sweet and silly preschooler who liked to play and they didn’t want her stressed by K. But by 1st grade she was aware she was the oldest and it bothered her. She is now in HS and still complaining that she wishes she were a grade ahead. Socially she really didn’t find her people until HS when she was able to be in classes with older kids.

Anonymous wrote:You described our exact scenario when DS was approaching K long ago. We debated because everyone had us doubting, but he was so socially and emotionally mature and was looking forward to going so we took the chance. We never looked back. He actually always gravitated towards the older kids in the classroom. Now he’s a college sophomore, on the deans list each semester and very responsible. He was so ready to go and while I miss him a lot, he definitely didn’t need another year at home. Trust your gut. You know your son best.

The rare exception.

You described our exact scenario when DS was approaching K long ago. We debated because everyone had us doubting, but he was so socially and emotionally mature and was looking forward to going so we took the chance. We never looked back. He actually always gravitated towards the older kids in the classroom. Now he’s a college sophomore, on the deans list each semester and very responsible. He was so ready to go and while I miss him a lot, he definitely didn’t need another year at home. Trust your gut. You know your son best.

Middle school now and so glad we redshirted. Omg there is no question

Anonymous wrote:Anyone who is answering this before their kids are HS age is giving premature feedback. Middle school / HS is when the reasons for potential regrets (if present) will become show up

Agree. Kindergarten readiness doesn’t accurately predict what life will look like for them in 6th grade and beyond. It’s a hard decision bc there isn’t any way to know, especially if things seem fine when they are 4-5 yrs old.

I never regretted it until high school. As mentioned above, reassess at ninth grade.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Above poster adding that I like the idea that he could take a gap year after high school if he wants and still enter college at 19.

In the younger grades, you do have to make sure your age appropriate son is not being compared developmentally and emotionally to the kids that are over a year older than him.

What good is a gap year if they were not as ready or mature in high school as they should have done and the grades reflect that? The damage is done.

Why hold a perfectly ready child back at kindergarten? If you see the child struggling at 8th, then reassess. You don’t have that option if you hold your kid back at K unless you want to have them be 2 years older than the other kids in their graduating class. My July 8th grader is doing well and I’m glad we started him on time. I don’t think any future struggles in high school would be different if he was a year older.

We didn’t consider gap year timing when he started K as we didn’t consider holding him back. But when posts like this, it crosses my mind.

Because there are zero drawbacks to red shirting, that’s why.

Anyone who is answering this before their kids are HS age is giving premature feedback. Middle school / HS is when the reasons for potential regrets (if present) will become show up

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Above poster adding that I like the idea that he could take a gap year after high school if he wants and still enter college at 19.

In the younger grades, you do have to make sure your age appropriate son is not being compared developmentally and emotionally to the kids that are over a year older than him.

What good is a gap year if they were not as ready or mature in high school as they should have done and the grades reflect that? The damage is done.

Why hold a perfectly ready child back at kindergarten? If you see the child struggling at 8th, then reassess. You don’t have that option if you hold your kid back at K unless you want to have them be 2 years older than the other kids in their graduating class. My July 8th grader is doing well and I’m glad we started him on time. I don’t think any future struggles in high school would be different if he was a year older.

We didn’t consider gap year timing when he started K as we didn’t consider holding him back. But when posts like this, it crosses my mind.

Because kindergarten is just one year? We thought ahead thru senior year not just whether a 4 yr old could keep pace. It's a journey, not a race. My July 7th grader is also doing well and as it turned out he's a very late bloomer. It would have been a disaster to be the smallest and youngest 8th grader. No regrets.

Does your school year start in July? If not, your child would have been 5, not 4 when he could have started kindergarten. We also thought it through and felt like our child was ready to start his journey on time with his peers and didn’t need the extra year and be older than most. We’re certainly not trying to win a race (if we were trying to “win” we would have held him back to get that advantage). Glad it’s working out for both of us.

Someone has to be the smallest in any group. I looked at the middle school boys (grades 6-8) at my son’s school and realized we would have needed to keep him back two years in order for him be in the taller half and he still wouldn’t be the tallest in the grade.

Oh well. Better your kid is the smallest and youngest than mine. And school starts early August where i live.
Still no regrets.

You’ll regret it. Give him the gift of a year.

I didn’t redshirt my May boys and they are the dead youngest. It’s annoying and I hate it but they are sound fine.