Anonymous wrote:Our schedule is:
7:30 wakeup, morning routine, both kids in school/preschool by 9AM
DH and I work from home.
At 5PM we rush to get the kids, cook dinner, do homework, and eat.
6:30-7:30 the older one does an activity (2x/week sport, 2x/week instrument lesson, and 1x/week instrument practice). I'm with the younger one cleaning up, doing the endless mental load stuff, etc.
Then we have basically 30 min until we need to start bedtime (preschooler in bed by 8:30 and older one at 9).
Then I have 2 hours before our own bedtime.

We want to do art projects, bake together, take a walk, shoot hoops outside, read with the kids, visit the library, watch a show together...but it feels impossible. I don't think we're overdoing it with activities - it's just 2 noncompetitive things (not counting after school activities that are basically childcare during work hours. I'm dreading my preschooler starting activities, because I have no idea how to manage 2 kid schedules.

After bedtime I also feel squeezed between finding some time to myself (to work out, read, etc), spending time with DH, finishing work (esp if I had an appt or errand during the day), planning something for the weekend, calling my parents or relatives. I would like to take a class to have something just for myself every week, but that sounds impossible too.

What do you do on weekends? I don't think I've ever baked with DS during the week. Saturday morning is perfect for this, if you don't have a weekend activity. Quality time can also be little moments. I try to snuggle with my kid a few times a week and just chat right before he goes to sleep. That is meaningful enough to him that he actually listed it on a school assignment as something special we do in our family!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:School+aftercare or school+activities is plenty. Your oldest is way over scheduled and “working” more hours than you do.

OP here. I thought this -- she also does religious/cultural school on weekends too. But I have asked her several times about dropping or choosing favorite activities and she gets annoyed and says she likes it all.

Kids like activities typically. But more and more research has been showing that TOO much structured activity is not great for kids. Team things are great for some skills, but kids actually learn executive function skills from unstructured play especially without much adult involvement. Many kids in high school and college are struggling with anxiety, depression, etc much more than before and one theory is that the increase in structured activities is partly to blame. Too busy, too much focus on succeeding and being better, and not enough time to learn those really important skills to manage disappointment, frustration etc. People who work in these areas are seeing this over and over. Good books on it are Raising a Kid who Can and the self driven child.

I get that no one wants to hear this because it is the generally agreed upon approach especially on dcum to do as much as possible and everyone says well my kid likes it. But in my opinion, if you want more family time it can’t be your only assessment of whether you should do it. Balancing the whole family’s schedule, stress level, down time as a family, time with siblings, unstructured time with friends is not something a kid is going to think about when assessing whether they want to do something.

DP I don’t disagree about the dangers of overscheduled kids but I really don’t think OP’s particular schedule reflects that. Her schedule seems fine to me, she just needs to not pressure herself, or feel pressured, into adding on a bunch of things on a random Monday or Thursday, like baking cookies with her kid. You’ll note that none of the activities OP wants to do involve “unstructured play especially without much adult involvement” anyway - those are all things she wants to add on that are direct one-on-one activities with her kid.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:School+aftercare or school+activities is plenty. Your oldest is way over scheduled and “working” more hours than you do.

OP here. I thought this -- she also does religious/cultural school on weekends too. But I have asked her several times about dropping or choosing favorite activities and she gets annoyed and says she likes it all.

Kids like activities typically. But more and more research has been showing that TOO much structured activity is not great for kids. Team things are great for some skills, but kids actually learn executive function skills from unstructured play especially without much adult involvement. Many kids in high school and college are struggling with anxiety, depression, etc much more than before and one theory is that the increase in structured activities is partly to blame. Too busy, too much focus on succeeding and being better, and not enough time to learn those really important skills to manage disappointment, frustration etc. People who work in these areas are seeing this over and over. Good books on it are Raising a Kid who Can and the self driven child.

I get that no one wants to hear this because it is the generally agreed upon approach especially on dcum to do as much as possible and everyone says well my kid likes it. But in my opinion, if you want more family time it can’t be your only assessment of whether you should do it. Balancing the whole family’s schedule, stress level, down time as a family, time with siblings, unstructured time with friends is not something a kid is going to think about when assessing whether they want to do something.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:School+aftercare or school+activities is plenty. Your oldest is way over scheduled and “working” more hours than you do.

OP here. I thought this -- she also does religious/cultural school on weekends too. But I have asked her several times about dropping or choosing favorite activities and she gets annoyed and says she likes it all.

DP. I don’t think you’re doing anything wrong and your kid seems happy. But realistically, you can’t fit baking projects and art and going for walks and tv into weekdays easily when you have a kid in aftercare sucking up two hours a day. So aim to do those things on lazier weekends instead.

It’s a hard season. This is why parents don’t exercise, see friends, and have to schedule free night.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is this a joke?

My kid does a rec sport. He doesn’t need it to keep friends. The kids he socializes with outside of school are not from team.

Swimming - summer. Some kids take longer to learn than others. But most kids I know do lessons in summer while in preschool and can swim by kindergarten. Heck no to dragging my kids to swim lessons in the winter.

I have never met anyone in real life who uses those math programs. Kids are away at school for 8 hours with transportation. If doing that is your preference, that’s fine. But people need to realize it’s a small subset who does that.

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand the people posting here about having ONE activity. It doesn't line up with people saying:

-Elementary boys needs to be in sports to keep friends and be involved
-Everyone needs swim lessons for safety!
-We are supplementing Beast Academy / Russian Math / Mathnasium, aren't you?

If you have your kid in ONE activity, what is it? And when do you plan to encourage more or give permission for additional activities?

No it's not a joke. You and a couple of PPs may not know people at your school are supplementing, but many are. They just don't talk about it. Half my neighborhood does Beast Academy at home. I'm putting my top level 1st grader in math camp this summer. I also know many kids in 1st grade who are on travel teams or club teams that have significant time commitments, but parents are more willing to talk about those.

I’m one of the pps - just because people are doing it doesn’t mean I have to. If people aren’t sharing that’s fine, even if they did it still isn’t the choice I would make. The op is asking how to make more time and part of the answer is you have to stop being worried about what you perceive others to be doing and think about what meets YOUR goals as a parent. You can’t be laser focused on achievement and being better than other kids. That just doesn’t align with my long term goals.

Also, I am very close friends with a group of moms with kids similar ages. I am confident none of them are doing regular tutoring for math at this point as we talk about these issues a lot. It may be the group that I’m particularly drawn to and there are others that do! That’s fine. But if a parent wants to tone it down, there are many of us doing that.

Anonymous wrote:School+aftercare or school+activities is plenty. Your oldest is way over scheduled and “working” more hours than you do.

OP here. I thought this -- she also does religious/cultural school on weekends too. But I have asked her several times about dropping or choosing favorite activities and she gets annoyed and says she likes it all.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand the people posting here about having ONE activity. It doesn't line up with people saying:

-Elementary boys needs to be in sports to keep friends and be involved
-Everyone needs swim lessons for safety!
-We are supplementing Beast Academy / Russian Math / Mathnasium, aren't you?

If you have your kid in ONE activity, what is it? And when do you plan to encourage more or give permission for additional activities?

We did all these things but not in one day! We went to Mathnasium on the days we didn’t have t ball. Swim was early on Saturday mornings. In other words, things were spread out.

1 per day can still feel very busy and of course you can fit enough in if you are doing 5x/week. But I'm talking about the people said they do one activity TOTAL at a time. I don't think I know anybody who does that.

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand the people posting here about having ONE activity. It doesn't line up with people saying:

-Elementary boys needs to be in sports to keep friends and be involved
-Everyone needs swim lessons for safety!
-We are supplementing Beast Academy / Russian Math / Mathnasium, aren't you?

If you have your kid in ONE activity, what is it? And when do you plan to encourage more or give permission for additional activities?

We did all these things but not in one day! We went to Mathnasium on the days we didn’t have t ball. Swim was early on Saturday mornings. In other words, things were spread out.

Anonymous wrote:If you wanted to add in all those other activities, you’d really need to pick up the kids after school around 3, not 5.

Yes, it's aftercare that is sucking up time and the kid's energy, and then you don't have enough time left for activities. If you can swing it, you could try coming out of aftercare for a semester and have someone drive your kid to activities. Or reduce number of aftercare days and try to carpool for free with kids in the same activities. I would love if there was more bus service, but it seems like lots of tae kwon do programs and district programs have cut shuttles out, requiring parents to figure out transportation. I pick my kid up and drive him less than half a mile down the road to do an activity offered by the school district. It is stupid, but it's not safe for him to walk alone and they cut funding for the bus.

Anonymous wrote:Is this a joke?

My kid does a rec sport. He doesn’t need it to keep friends. The kids he socializes with outside of school are not from team.

Swimming - summer. Some kids take longer to learn than others. But most kids I know do lessons in summer while in preschool and can swim by kindergarten. Heck no to dragging my kids to swim lessons in the winter.

I have never met anyone in real life who uses those math programs. Kids are away at school for 8 hours with transportation. If doing that is your preference, that’s fine. But people need to realize it’s a small subset who does that.

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand the people posting here about having ONE activity. It doesn't line up with people saying:

-Elementary boys needs to be in sports to keep friends and be involved
-Everyone needs swim lessons for safety!
-We are supplementing Beast Academy / Russian Math / Mathnasium, aren't you?

If you have your kid in ONE activity, what is it? And when do you plan to encourage more or give permission for additional activities?

No it's not a joke. You and a couple of PPs may not know people at your school are supplementing, but many are. They just don't talk about it. Half my neighborhood does Beast Academy at home. I'm putting my top level 1st grader in math camp this summer. I also know many kids in 1st grade who are on travel teams or club teams that have significant time commitments, but parents are more willing to talk about those.

If you wanted to add in all those other activities, you’d really need to pick up the kids after school around 3, not 5.

Is this a joke?

My kid does a rec sport. He doesn’t need it to keep friends. The kids he socializes with outside of school are not from team.

Swimming - summer. Some kids take longer to learn than others. But most kids I know do lessons in summer while in preschool and can swim by kindergarten. Heck no to dragging my kids to swim lessons in the winter.

I have never met anyone in real life who uses those math programs. Kids are away at school for 8 hours with transportation. If doing that is your preference, that’s fine. But people need to realize it’s a small subset who does that.

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand the people posting here about having ONE activity. It doesn't line up with people saying:

-Elementary boys needs to be in sports to keep friends and be involved
-Everyone needs swim lessons for safety!
-We are supplementing Beast Academy / Russian Math / Mathnasium, aren't you?

If you have your kid in ONE activity, what is it? And when do you plan to encourage more or give permission for additional activities?

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand the people posting here about having ONE activity. It doesn't line up with people saying:

-Elementary boys needs to be in sports to keep friends and be involved
-Everyone needs swim lessons for safety!
-We are supplementing Beast Academy / Russian Math / Mathnasium, aren't you?

If you have your kid in ONE activity, what is it? And when do you plan to encourage more or give permission for additional activities?

Dcum doesn’t always represent actual reality. I don’t know anyone yet in the early elementary grades of my son’s friends in APS that is supplementing with the things you mention. Maybe it exists but not in the parents I chat with.

We do swim team in the summer to build swimming skills. We hire a college sitter in the summer so we can do this. To me it’s the most efficient way to get that in and truly have a kid who is very safe in the water. It isn’t necessary to do it year round from 3-7, I was a competitive swimmer as a kid/teen and never did year round swim til older grades. If my kid continues to be super interested in swimming in upper elementary grades then at that point he may choose to do some winter swim.

We do one sport a season - spring baseball, summer swim, fall soccer, and next year basketball in the winter for the first time. Sometimes we fit karate in because my kid likes it but only because it is offered as an after school activity once a week. We specifically didn’t sign him up for the 2 day a week evening karate for all the reasons I shared.

Instruments - well consider integrating in in later elementary if kids express interest. But a 30 min piano lesson a week is what I’m talking. Learning to read music is a great skill but they don’t need to learn it by 7-8.

If there are other things they express interest in, we do 3-4 weeks of camps where they can try out new sports, things like pottery, whatever! But I don’t integrate it in to our weekly schedule unless they start showing a lot of interest.

It’s hard, I have to think hard about things when they come through “oh he would love that!” But they don’t actually need to do every single thing. Even if they would enjoy it! There are lots of things in life I would ENJOY but I also build my life to be balanced with time for downtime, considering expense, time etc in how much I take on. I weigh the same things for them.

School+aftercare or school+activities is plenty. Your oldest is way over scheduled and “working” more hours than you do.