Anonymous wrote:I think I'm moving closer to wanting to convert. My husband is secular but his mom was raised Conservative.

I was raised Christian but after reading and learning way more than I ever knew as a kid, I know I cannot get behind it even though I haven't considered myself Christian for a decade. The idea of converting is 100% my own - my husband nor his family has ever suggested it whatsoever.

I started doing research on Judaism since last August and have been learning daily on my own. I recently learned the Hebrew alphabet and am continuing to learn the language.

I am also taking an introduction class online alongside my independent learning.

We recently joined a congregation but I haven't brought up my thoughts on converting with our Rabbi. I think I'm scared of being rejected or questioned as to why I want to, especially because it's only been a little more than a month since joining.

I enrolled my older in Hebrew School and have been attending weekly as well. I have been active with attending services, weekly Torah study, events put on by the congregation, and just getting to know other congregants.

I have found myself gravitating towards Conservative more so than Reform or Orthodox.

As mentioned above, I'm nervous about bringing up the topic, but know that if I want to pursue conversion, I'll have to.

Another part of it is being worried about the Beit Din - I have read some stories about how they reject potential converts, seemingly for any reason.

I'm wondering what you had to do to prepare for it - how many prayers you had to know, did you have to recite the alphabet, do certain actions to prove you're serious, etc?

Any personal experiences are appreciated!!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We've had three people in our family convert. Two "converted too far" and wanted to make their spouses be more religious than they wanted to be, and those two ended in divorce.

The one who did not do that went to conversion classes (for a year? 18 months?) weekly, and is not kosher, but does light candles and have challah on Friday nights, and the older kid goes to Hebrew School once a week. They don't go to temple (right now it's not safe, but when it was they didn't go regularly either - maybe twice a year).

Where do they live where it's not safe to go to shul?

A major city in the country where the temple is under construction so all classes and services have been moved to, ironically, a nearby church, which doesn't have the same level of security as the temple's property.

So it's not too unsafe, but you feel unsafe.

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:Well, I just knew after my marriage to Trey didn’t work out that I really wanted to marry into a more stable tradition and have some kids! I didn’t ever mean to fall for my schvitzing divorce lawyer, but B-H for Harry!
Mazel tov and welcome to the tribe!!

Umm.. what?

It’s a sex in the city reference - Charlotte

I always found that particular plot line a little off

Sweet enough though. Charlotte is so earnest

Does anybody else find the idea of Jewish writers making Charlotte decide that Judaism is more "stable" or something a little cringe? It's transparent. The faith doesn't need this.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, I just knew after my marriage to Trey didn’t work out that I really wanted to marry into a more stable tradition and have some kids! I didn’t ever mean to fall for my schvitzing divorce lawyer, but B-H for Harry!
Mazel tov and welcome to the tribe!!

Umm.. what?

It’s a sex in the city reference - Charlotte

I always found that particular plot line a little off

Sweet enough though. Charlotte is so earnest

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We've had three people in our family convert. Two "converted too far" and wanted to make their spouses be more religious than they wanted to be, and those two ended in divorce.

The one who did not do that went to conversion classes (for a year? 18 months?) weekly, and is not kosher, but does light candles and have challah on Friday nights, and the older kid goes to Hebrew School once a week. They don't go to temple (right now it's not safe, but when it was they didn't go regularly either - maybe twice a year).

Where do they live where it's not safe to go to shul?

A major city in the country where the temple is under construction so all classes and services have been moved to, ironically, a nearby church, which doesn't have the same level of security as the temple's property.

A major city probably has multiple synagogues for them to try, if they feel unsafe in the church their synagogue is renting. They could also have a conversation with their synagogue leadership about the security measures in place at the church. Sounds like, since they never went much anyway, the security concerns are just an excuse for them to go even less.

Shame on you! What the hell is wrong with you? Not all cities have a lot of temples. Churches are not persecuted nearly as often as temples. People are not killed for being Christian nearly as often as people are for being jewish.

Again, you said they live in a major city. If you said they lived in a small city or if, in fact, they live in a major city that only has one synagogue (or only one that isn't Orthodox), then obviously my comment isn't relevant to them. But there's no "shame" in pointing out that most "major cities" have multiple synagogues or suggesting that they could look into another option.

As for the security at churches, yes, churches aren't targets in the same way that synagogues are and so they might not have the infrastructure (shatter-proof glass, panic buttons, etc) that a synagogue building has. I'm not questioning the legitimacy of their concerns about security in that building. I suggested that they could talk to their synagogue leadership about their concerns. Maybe the synagogue has hired a security guard for all of their services at the church. Maybe the church does have security infrastructure. If your family member did talk to the synagogue about their concerns and felt they weren't adequately addressed, again, my comment just isn't relevant to the situation. You're the one with the information, not me.

Finally, you were the one that said they are twice-a-year-members. It's not unreasonable to apply my knowledge of other twice-a-year people to say that their interest in attending synagogue at all was not that high to begin with and the security concerns (certainly they're entitled to feel however they feel about their personal safety) are probably not the only reason they've stopped attending. I know plenty of people who just don't like synagogue, but are actively Jewish in other ways (lighting candles and having challah, observing holidays at home, participating in community programming at JCCs, sending kids to Jewish camp, etc), some of which you've also said this family member does.

Just stop.

There are two kinds of responses to antisemitic threats on synagogues:
1. People double-down and say "I won't be scared away from my synagogue" and their attendance rises.

2. People find other ways to be Jewish outside of targeted spaces in order to maintain their own personal safety. Attendance at synagogue and outward displays of Judaism may decrease or cease.

No shame in either response.

And in neither case is it at all appropriate or helpful to scold OP or tell her that she’s mistaken about her own reasons for not attending synagogue.

OP here - I didn't make the comment about shul attendance, but I agree it's not useful to berate anyone on their "record."

I'm not Jewish, but please someone correct me if I'm wrong - Shabbat service attendance isn't mandatory, right? I mean obviously if someone wants to attend, they are welcome to, but that the primary focus is spending time at home with family, yes?

I'm always looking to learn!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, I just knew after my marriage to Trey didn’t work out that I really wanted to marry into a more stable tradition and have some kids! I didn’t ever mean to fall for my schvitzing divorce lawyer, but B-H for Harry!
Mazel tov and welcome to the tribe!!

Umm.. what?

It’s a sex in the city reference - Charlotte

I always found that particular plot line a little off

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We've had three people in our family convert. Two "converted too far" and wanted to make their spouses be more religious than they wanted to be, and those two ended in divorce.

The one who did not do that went to conversion classes (for a year? 18 months?) weekly, and is not kosher, but does light candles and have challah on Friday nights, and the older kid goes to Hebrew School once a week. They don't go to temple (right now it's not safe, but when it was they didn't go regularly either - maybe twice a year).

Where do they live where it's not safe to go to shul?

A major city in the country where the temple is under construction so all classes and services have been moved to, ironically, a nearby church, which doesn't have the same level of security as the temple's property.

A major city probably has multiple synagogues for them to try, if they feel unsafe in the church their synagogue is renting. They could also have a conversation with their synagogue leadership about the security measures in place at the church. Sounds like, since they never went much anyway, the security concerns are just an excuse for them to go even less.

Shame on you! What the hell is wrong with you? Not all cities have a lot of temples. Churches are not persecuted nearly as often as temples. People are not killed for being Christian nearly as often as people are for being jewish.

Again, you said they live in a major city. If you said they lived in a small city or if, in fact, they live in a major city that only has one synagogue (or only one that isn't Orthodox), then obviously my comment isn't relevant to them. But there's no "shame" in pointing out that most "major cities" have multiple synagogues or suggesting that they could look into another option.

As for the security at churches, yes, churches aren't targets in the same way that synagogues are and so they might not have the infrastructure (shatter-proof glass, panic buttons, etc) that a synagogue building has. I'm not questioning the legitimacy of their concerns about security in that building. I suggested that they could talk to their synagogue leadership about their concerns. Maybe the synagogue has hired a security guard for all of their services at the church. Maybe the church does have security infrastructure. If your family member did talk to the synagogue about their concerns and felt they weren't adequately addressed, again, my comment just isn't relevant to the situation. You're the one with the information, not me.

Finally, you were the one that said they are twice-a-year-members. It's not unreasonable to apply my knowledge of other twice-a-year people to say that their interest in attending synagogue at all was not that high to begin with and the security concerns (certainly they're entitled to feel however they feel about their personal safety) are probably not the only reason they've stopped attending. I know plenty of people who just don't like synagogue, but are actively Jewish in other ways (lighting candles and having challah, observing holidays at home, participating in community programming at JCCs, sending kids to Jewish camp, etc), some of which you've also said this family member does.

Just stop.

There are two kinds of responses to antisemitic threats on synagogues:
1. People double-down and say "I won't be scared away from my synagogue" and their attendance rises.

2. People find other ways to be Jewish outside of targeted spaces in order to maintain their own personal safety. Attendance at synagogue and outward displays of Judaism may decrease or cease.

No shame in either response.

And in neither case is it at all appropriate or helpful to scold OP or tell her that she’s mistaken about her own reasons for not attending synagogue.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We've had three people in our family convert. Two "converted too far" and wanted to make their spouses be more religious than they wanted to be, and those two ended in divorce.

The one who did not do that went to conversion classes (for a year? 18 months?) weekly, and is not kosher, but does light candles and have challah on Friday nights, and the older kid goes to Hebrew School once a week. They don't go to temple (right now it's not safe, but when it was they didn't go regularly either - maybe twice a year).

Where do they live where it's not safe to go to shul?

A major city in the country where the temple is under construction so all classes and services have been moved to, ironically, a nearby church, which doesn't have the same level of security as the temple's property.

A major city probably has multiple synagogues for them to try, if they feel unsafe in the church their synagogue is renting. They could also have a conversation with their synagogue leadership about the security measures in place at the church. Sounds like, since they never went much anyway, the security concerns are just an excuse for them to go even less.

Shame on you! What the hell is wrong with you? Not all cities have a lot of temples. Churches are not persecuted nearly as often as temples. People are not killed for being Christian nearly as often as people are for being jewish.

Again, you said they live in a major city. If you said they lived in a small city or if, in fact, they live in a major city that only has one synagogue (or only one that isn't Orthodox), then obviously my comment isn't relevant to them. But there's no "shame" in pointing out that most "major cities" have multiple synagogues or suggesting that they could look into another option.

As for the security at churches, yes, churches aren't targets in the same way that synagogues are and so they might not have the infrastructure (shatter-proof glass, panic buttons, etc) that a synagogue building has. I'm not questioning the legitimacy of their concerns about security in that building. I suggested that they could talk to their synagogue leadership about their concerns. Maybe the synagogue has hired a security guard for all of their services at the church. Maybe the church does have security infrastructure. If your family member did talk to the synagogue about their concerns and felt they weren't adequately addressed, again, my comment just isn't relevant to the situation. You're the one with the information, not me.

Finally, you were the one that said they are twice-a-year-members. It's not unreasonable to apply my knowledge of other twice-a-year people to say that their interest in attending synagogue at all was not that high to begin with and the security concerns (certainly they're entitled to feel however they feel about their personal safety) are probably not the only reason they've stopped attending. I know plenty of people who just don't like synagogue, but are actively Jewish in other ways (lighting candles and having challah, observing holidays at home, participating in community programming at JCCs, sending kids to Jewish camp, etc), some of which you've also said this family member does.

Just stop.

There are two kinds of responses to antisemitic threats on synagogues:
1. People double-down and say "I won't be scared away from my synagogue" and their attendance rises.

2. People find other ways to be Jewish outside of targeted spaces in order to maintain their own personal safety. Attendance at synagogue and outward displays of Judaism may decrease or cease.

No shame in either response.

And in neither case is it at all appropriate or helpful to scold OP or tell her that she’s mistaken about her own reasons for not attending synagogue.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We've had three people in our family convert. Two "converted too far" and wanted to make their spouses be more religious than they wanted to be, and those two ended in divorce.

The one who did not do that went to conversion classes (for a year? 18 months?) weekly, and is not kosher, but does light candles and have challah on Friday nights, and the older kid goes to Hebrew School once a week. They don't go to temple (right now it's not safe, but when it was they didn't go regularly either - maybe twice a year).

Where do they live where it's not safe to go to shul?

A major city in the country where the temple is under construction so all classes and services have been moved to, ironically, a nearby church, which doesn't have the same level of security as the temple's property.

A major city probably has multiple synagogues for them to try, if they feel unsafe in the church their synagogue is renting. They could also have a conversation with their synagogue leadership about the security measures in place at the church. Sounds like, since they never went much anyway, the security concerns are just an excuse for them to go even less.

Shame on you! What the hell is wrong with you? Not all cities have a lot of temples. Churches are not persecuted nearly as often as temples. People are not killed for being Christian nearly as often as people are for being jewish.

Again, you said they live in a major city. If you said they lived in a small city or if, in fact, they live in a major city that only has one synagogue (or only one that isn't Orthodox), then obviously my comment isn't relevant to them. But there's no "shame" in pointing out that most "major cities" have multiple synagogues or suggesting that they could look into another option.

As for the security at churches, yes, churches aren't targets in the same way that synagogues are and so they might not have the infrastructure (shatter-proof glass, panic buttons, etc) that a synagogue building has. I'm not questioning the legitimacy of their concerns about security in that building. I suggested that they could talk to their synagogue leadership about their concerns. Maybe the synagogue has hired a security guard for all of their services at the church. Maybe the church does have security infrastructure. If your family member did talk to the synagogue about their concerns and felt they weren't adequately addressed, again, my comment just isn't relevant to the situation. You're the one with the information, not me.

Finally, you were the one that said they are twice-a-year-members. It's not unreasonable to apply my knowledge of other twice-a-year people to say that their interest in attending synagogue at all was not that high to begin with and the security concerns (certainly they're entitled to feel however they feel about their personal safety) are probably not the only reason they've stopped attending. I know plenty of people who just don't like synagogue, but are actively Jewish in other ways (lighting candles and having challah, observing holidays at home, participating in community programming at JCCs, sending kids to Jewish camp, etc), some of which you've also said this family member does.

Just stop.

There are two kinds of responses to antisemitic threats on synagogues:
1. People double-down and say "I won't be scared away from my synagogue" and their attendance rises.

2. People find other ways to be Jewish outside of targeted spaces in order to maintain their own personal safety. Attendance at synagogue and outward displays of Judaism may decrease or cease.

No shame in either response.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We've had three people in our family convert. Two "converted too far" and wanted to make their spouses be more religious than they wanted to be, and those two ended in divorce.

The one who did not do that went to conversion classes (for a year? 18 months?) weekly, and is not kosher, but does light candles and have challah on Friday nights, and the older kid goes to Hebrew School once a week. They don't go to temple (right now it's not safe, but when it was they didn't go regularly either - maybe twice a year).

Where do they live where it's not safe to go to shul?

A major city in the country where the temple is under construction so all classes and services have been moved to, ironically, a nearby church, which doesn't have the same level of security as the temple's property.

A major city probably has multiple synagogues for them to try, if they feel unsafe in the church their synagogue is renting. They could also have a conversation with their synagogue leadership about the security measures in place at the church. Sounds like, since they never went much anyway, the security concerns are just an excuse for them to go even less.

Shame on you! What the hell is wrong with you? Not all cities have a lot of temples. Churches are not persecuted nearly as often as temples. People are not killed for being Christian nearly as often as people are for being jewish.

Again, you said they live in a major city. If you said they lived in a small city or if, in fact, they live in a major city that only has one synagogue (or only one that isn't Orthodox), then obviously my comment isn't relevant to them. But there's no "shame" in pointing out that most "major cities" have multiple synagogues or suggesting that they could look into another option.

As for the security at churches, yes, churches aren't targets in the same way that synagogues are and so they might not have the infrastructure (shatter-proof glass, panic buttons, etc) that a synagogue building has. I'm not questioning the legitimacy of their concerns about security in that building. I suggested that they could talk to their synagogue leadership about their concerns. Maybe the synagogue has hired a security guard for all of their services at the church. Maybe the church does have security infrastructure. If your family member did talk to the synagogue about their concerns and felt they weren't adequately addressed, again, my comment just isn't relevant to the situation. You're the one with the information, not me.

Finally, you were the one that said they are twice-a-year-members. It's not unreasonable to apply my knowledge of other twice-a-year people to say that their interest in attending synagogue at all was not that high to begin with and the security concerns (certainly they're entitled to feel however they feel about their personal safety) are probably not the only reason they've stopped attending. I know plenty of people who just don't like synagogue, but are actively Jewish in other ways (lighting candles and having challah, observing holidays at home, participating in community programming at JCCs, sending kids to Jewish camp, etc), some of which you've also said this family member does.

Just stop.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We've had three people in our family convert. Two "converted too far" and wanted to make their spouses be more religious than they wanted to be, and those two ended in divorce.

The one who did not do that went to conversion classes (for a year? 18 months?) weekly, and is not kosher, but does light candles and have challah on Friday nights, and the older kid goes to Hebrew School once a week. They don't go to temple (right now it's not safe, but when it was they didn't go regularly either - maybe twice a year).

Where do they live where it's not safe to go to shul?

A major city in the country where the temple is under construction so all classes and services have been moved to, ironically, a nearby church, which doesn't have the same level of security as the temple's property.

A major city probably has multiple synagogues for them to try, if they feel unsafe in the church their synagogue is renting. They could also have a conversation with their synagogue leadership about the security measures in place at the church. Sounds like, since they never went much anyway, the security concerns are just an excuse for them to go even less.

Shame on you! What the hell is wrong with you? Not all cities have a lot of temples. Churches are not persecuted nearly as often as temples. People are not killed for being Christian nearly as often as people are for being jewish.

Again, you said they live in a major city. If you said they lived in a small city or if, in fact, they live in a major city that only has one synagogue (or only one that isn't Orthodox), then obviously my comment isn't relevant to them. But there's no "shame" in pointing out that most "major cities" have multiple synagogues or suggesting that they could look into another option.

As for the security at churches, yes, churches aren't targets in the same way that synagogues are and so they might not have the infrastructure (shatter-proof glass, panic buttons, etc) that a synagogue building has. I'm not questioning the legitimacy of their concerns about security in that building. I suggested that they could talk to their synagogue leadership about their concerns. Maybe the synagogue has hired a security guard for all of their services at the church. Maybe the church does have security infrastructure. If your family member did talk to the synagogue about their concerns and felt they weren't adequately addressed, again, my comment just isn't relevant to the situation. You're the one with the information, not me.

Finally, you were the one that said they are twice-a-year-members. It's not unreasonable to apply my knowledge of other twice-a-year people to say that their interest in attending synagogue at all was not that high to begin with and the security concerns (certainly they're entitled to feel however they feel about their personal safety) are probably not the only reason they've stopped attending. I know plenty of people who just don't like synagogue, but are actively Jewish in other ways (lighting candles and having challah, observing holidays at home, participating in community programming at JCCs, sending kids to Jewish camp, etc), some of which you've also said this family member does.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We've had three people in our family convert. Two "converted too far" and wanted to make their spouses be more religious than they wanted to be, and those two ended in divorce.

The one who did not do that went to conversion classes (for a year? 18 months?) weekly, and is not kosher, but does light candles and have challah on Friday nights, and the older kid goes to Hebrew School once a week. They don't go to temple (right now it's not safe, but when it was they didn't go regularly either - maybe twice a year).

Where do they live where it's not safe to go to shul?

A major city in the country where the temple is under construction so all classes and services have been moved to, ironically, a nearby church, which doesn't have the same level of security as the temple's property.

A major city probably has multiple synagogues for them to try, if they feel unsafe in the church their synagogue is renting. They could also have a conversation with their synagogue leadership about the security measures in place at the church. Sounds like, since they never went much anyway, the security concerns are just an excuse for them to go even less.

Shame on you! What the hell is wrong with you? Not all cities have a lot of temples. Churches are not persecuted nearly as often as temples. People are not killed for being Christian nearly as often as people are for being jewish.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, I just knew after my marriage to Trey didn’t work out that I really wanted to marry into a more stable tradition and have some kids! I didn’t ever mean to fall for my schvitzing divorce lawyer, but B-H for Harry!
Mazel tov and welcome to the tribe!!

Umm.. what?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We've had three people in our family convert. Two "converted too far" and wanted to make their spouses be more religious than they wanted to be, and those two ended in divorce.

The one who did not do that went to conversion classes (for a year? 18 months?) weekly, and is not kosher, but does light candles and have challah on Friday nights, and the older kid goes to Hebrew School once a week. They don't go to temple (right now it's not safe, but when it was they didn't go regularly either - maybe twice a year).

Where do they live where it's not safe to go to shul?

A major city in the country where the temple is under construction so all classes and services have been moved to, ironically, a nearby church, which doesn't have the same level of security as the temple's property.

A major city probably has multiple synagogues for them to try, if they feel unsafe in the church their synagogue is renting. They could also have a conversation with their synagogue leadership about the security measures in place at the church. Sounds like, since they never went much anyway, the security concerns are just an excuse for them to go even less.