It sucks but your evening can be rescheduled his cant

My DH coached my kids’ hockey games for many years and I have to agree with your DH on this one. He made a commitment to the team and he needs to go, even if your kid wasn’t playing in the game. Re-schedule your dinner for another time - and congrats on finishing your big project!

The playoffs > your work dinner. I say this as a project manager who has been the cutover lead for more IT systems 1-3 years in the making than I can count - like the accounting system of a global pharmaceutical company or the payroll system of a cabinet level federal agency. Those are huge accomplishments with my team and the culmination of years of hard work, but I am an adult. I can delay gratification for a week or a month and still feel pride in my accomplishment.

I am also a parent and a youth activity coach. When I make a commitment to a bunch of 10 yr olds, I take it really seriously. I would never choose an activity that can be rescheduled over their final competition. I also cannot imagine skipping my own child’s playoff game for a meal - even a hard to get reservation.

Anonymous wrote:Does the coach get paid? If he gets paid it's also a job and work is work. This is what coaching is like you don't always have the schedule in advance. Go out for dinner the next night. You can go to the spa, get hair and nails done and take more time getting ready rather than trying to squeeze it on after a long work week. You know what he signed up for as a hockey coach, be flexible and everyone wins.

Doubtful.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If it’s a group dinner for work, you should attend the work one and he attends the game. Easy.

If it’s a dinner for you two of you, move the dinner. Also easy. I can see why your DH was shocked that you didn’t want to do that.

+1

My husband coaches our son's soccer team. I wouldn't choose a fancy date night to celebrate myself over their playoff game. For me, showing up for my kid's accomplishment would be the more important thing.

But it would go both ways, depending on the situation. If we had plans to celebrate my big thing as a family, but DS got invited to a birthday party, he would have to skip the bday party to celebrate my thing.

A celebration dinner for just dh and I CAN be rescheduled. A playoff game cannot.

Well said.

omg just go the day after.

My son plays hockey. My dh doesn't coach but there is no way he'd miss a playoff game. Have you not accepted your fate as a hockey mom? It's a special kind of crazy.

Does the coach get paid? If he gets paid it's also a job and work is work. This is what coaching is like you don't always have the schedule in advance. Go out for dinner the next night. You can go to the spa, get hair and nails done and take more time getting ready rather than trying to squeeze it on after a long work week. You know what he signed up for as a hockey coach, be flexible and everyone wins.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
As a European, I will never understand how Americans put children's sports over an adult's major professional accomplishment. Actually, scratch that. It's not just Europeans. It's everyone in the world, probably. I have East Asians in my family, and they would prioritize the work milestone. I have colleagues from the Indian subcontinent. They would prioritize the work milestone too.

I would be extremely hurt and offended if my husband reacted that way. It would actually be a form of deep betrayal. But then my husband is also European and would never make that mistake.

We have markedly different values, don't we? Fascinating.

Here’s the thing, European: this is the United States of America. But beyond that, we’re not just talking about a parent going to a playoff game. We’re talking about a coach who was made a commitment to an entire team. It’s a completely different thing. So sit your judgmental ass down.

As an American, STFU. the mighty ducks going to state semis isn’t a big deal.

Anonymous wrote:
As a European, I will never understand how Americans put children's sports over an adult's major professional accomplishment. Actually, scratch that. It's not just Europeans. It's everyone in the world, probably. I have East Asians in my family, and they would prioritize the work milestone. I have colleagues from the Indian subcontinent. They would prioritize the work milestone too.

I would be extremely hurt and offended if my husband reacted that way. It would actually be a form of deep betrayal. But then my husband is also European and would never make that mistake.

We have markedly different values, don't we? Fascinating.

Yes, clearly you only value work achievements. I would also guess you don't value a parent donating their time to coach their kids' teams. And you don't value your kid's accomplishment in their sport.

The timing of OP's dinner is unfortunate. But it can be moved. The playoff game is something the team has to attend on that night after a season of their own accomplishment.

And to OP, if you make your DH skip having made the playoffs, he will resent you. And in a year from now you'll wonder why you made such a big deal out of a dinner and didn't celebrate your husband and your kid, but instead made DH celebrate you.

Do your dinner another night, and I would expect your DH to make a big deal out of it, both for your accomplishment and your selflessness in putting the unexpected game first.

Anonymous wrote:
As a European, I will never understand how Americans put children's sports over an adult's major professional accomplishment. Actually, scratch that. It's not just Europeans. It's everyone in the world, probably. I have East Asians in my family, and they would prioritize the work milestone. I have colleagues from the Indian subcontinent. They would prioritize the work milestone too.

I would be extremely hurt and offended if my husband reacted that way. It would actually be a form of deep betrayal. But then my husband is also European and would never make that mistake.

We have markedly different values, don't we? Fascinating.

I would agree if OP were actually receiving an award on the same night for her project. This is just a dinner to celebrate finishing the project. Dinner can be rescheduled. Coaching a team to the playoffs is also a professional/personal accomplishment, and it is actually happening on that night.

My DH coaches a few sports teams for our kids and I wouldn't even need to think about this. Of course you reschedule the dinner and go to the game. How do you think your child will feel when you and your DH aren't there for their game?

Did OP say her DC was playing in the game? If not, there are two other coaches who can take the lead. This isn’t an Olympic game or finals for the Stanley Cup. It’s rec hockey.

Anonymous wrote:
As a European, I will never understand how Americans put children's sports over an adult's major professional accomplishment. Actually, scratch that. It's not just Europeans. It's everyone in the world, probably. I have East Asians in my family, and they would prioritize the work milestone. I have colleagues from the Indian subcontinent. They would prioritize the work milestone too.

I would be extremely hurt and offended if my husband reacted that way. It would actually be a form of deep betrayal. But then my husband is also European and would never make that mistake.

We have markedly different values, don't we? Fascinating.

1/2 European and while I lean towards those values, as far as we know, this is a US family living in the US, so this isn’t relevant

Anonymous wrote:
As a European, I will never understand how Americans put children's sports over an adult's major professional accomplishment. Actually, scratch that. It's not just Europeans. It's everyone in the world, probably. I have East Asians in my family, and they would prioritize the work milestone. I have colleagues from the Indian subcontinent. They would prioritize the work milestone too.

I would be extremely hurt and offended if my husband reacted that way. It would actually be a form of deep betrayal. But then my husband is also European and would never make that mistake.

We have markedly different values, don't we? Fascinating.

Here’s the thing, European: this is the United States of America. But beyond that, we’re not just talking about a parent going to a playoff game. We’re talking about a coach who was made a commitment to an entire team. It’s a completely different thing. So sit your judgmental ass down.