Anonymous wrote:Your phrasing makes you sound selfish, but I don't think its what you really mean. If DH and I had rare date nights and he chose a restaurant he knows I don't like, I'd be annoyed too. If he chose a weekend getaway based on his interests alone, I'd be annoyed. You aren't really asking for him to only focus on you and your happiness. You're asking him to take into account what would make you happy too.

Anonymous wrote:Is OP being coy (koi?) about her man not dining on fish?

Anonymous wrote:I genuinely don’t know if I am being reasonable or unreasonable and would like to hear others’ perspectives.

We have been married 10 years and have 2 kids.

During infrequent date nights or weekend trips sans kids (super rare), I want my husband to primarily be focused on making me happy and how I am feeling vs. his own preferences and desires. Once my “cup is full” I have tons to give, but I crave the dynamic of being catered to as a means to relax me and make me feel loved and close to my husband.

I do not mind if my husband takes time for himself or his hobbies on other occasions, which he does, but on a rare date night I want it to be about me.

Instead what often happens is that he is self-focused and oriented around his whims and desires instead of tuning in with me. For example he will insist on a restaurant he knows I don’t like (he’ll back down if I make a thing of it but who wants to have to do that?) or a weekend destination where he can do an activity he wants to do, like fish or similar.

He has plenty of opportunities to do the things he wants and have his preferences, with me or without me.

Am I being unreasonable for having an itch to feel catered to once in a blue moon and to want to have him indulge me around my wants for a whole evening or short weekend away?

Anonymous wrote:You want romance he wants sex. And good food.

We women see these fake romances on tv and think they are real. Like the date night thing. Who made that up ?
You don't plan love. Love happens. Anything you force never ever works out. You want intimacy ? SHOW HIM and he will show you.

Anonymous wrote:I genuinely don’t know if I am being reasonable or unreasonable and would like to hear others’ perspectives.

We have been married 10 years and have 2 kids.

During infrequent date nights or weekend trips sans kids (super rare), I want my husband to primarily be focused on making me happy and how I am feeling vs. his own preferences and desires. Once my “cup is full” I have tons to give, but I crave the dynamic of being catered to as a means to relax me and make me feel loved and close to my husband.

I do not mind if my husband takes time for himself or his hobbies on other occasions, which he does, but on a rare date night I want it to be about me.

Instead what often happens is that he is self-focused and oriented around his whims and desires instead of tuning in with me. For example he will insist on a restaurant he knows I don’t like (he’ll back down if I make a thing of it but who wants to have to do that?) or a weekend destination where he can do an activity he wants to do, like fish or similar.

He has plenty of opportunities to do the things he wants and have his preferences, with me or without me.

Am I being unreasonable for having an itch to feel catered to once in a blue moon and to want to have him indulge me around my wants for a whole evening or short weekend away?

Anonymous wrote:It's not unreasonable and I know what you mean. This is the dynamic in my marriage. On the occasions where we get the opportunity to take time for ourselves, my husband enjoys making it all about pampering and indulging me. Whatever restaurant I want, whatever meal I want him to make, whatever movie, long massages, foot rubs, saying sweet things etc. Or if I have decision fatigue and just want him to plan everything he will.

In our day to day life, I am the one doing 80% of the supporting and catering to his needs to keep our household running, our kids happy and healthy, and our careers on track. That's just due to our personalities and where our skillsets lie, not because he's a bum. I NEED those occasions where I feel pampered and doted on and appreciated, or the resentment would build and our marriage would be a disaster. He's doesn't need it in the same way and it makes him happy to meet my needs because...well, happy wife = happy life. It's a truism for a reason.

Anonymous wrote:It's not unreasonable and I know what you mean. This is the dynamic in my marriage. On the occasions where we get the opportunity to take time for ourselves, my husband enjoys making it all about pampering and indulging me. Whatever restaurant I want, whatever meal I want him to make, whatever movie, long massages, foot rubs, saying sweet things etc. Or if I have decision fatigue and just want him to plan everything he will.

In our day to day life, I am the one doing 80% of the supporting and catering to his needs to keep our household running, our kids happy and healthy, and our careers on track. That's just due to our personalities and where our skillsets lie, not because he's a bum. I NEED those occasions where I feel pampered and doted on and appreciated, or the resentment would build and our marriage would be a disaster. He's doesn't need it in the same way and it makes him happy to meet my needs because...well, happy wife = happy life. It's a truism for a reason.