Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nobody ever thinks their kid is the mean kid. Yet we all have experience with the mean kids. I think OP should take this info as it was intended. The teacher has noticed a pattern and finally thought it was time to bring to the parent's attention. OP should try to nip this in the bud because it will get worse. My DD is in 4th grade the the girls who are mean are straight up vicious now and of course their parents never see it and the girls are savvy enough to do things out of earshot and behind the teacher's back. Someone's daughter is doing this and it might be OPs. Girls are reduced to tears daily because of this mean behavior from the same 2 or 3 girls.

Even if this is true, and I don’t really think it is based on what OP has said, the teacher’s language was inappropriate.

I think it's hard to hear about your kid. So people are fixating on the language to dismiss the message. Because that's much easier than dealing with the problem head on.

Anonymous wrote:Nobody ever thinks their kid is the mean kid. Yet we all have experience with the mean kids. I think OP should take this info as it was intended. The teacher has noticed a pattern and finally thought it was time to bring to the parent's attention. OP should try to nip this in the bud because it will get worse. My DD is in 4th grade the the girls who are mean are straight up vicious now and of course their parents never see it and the girls are savvy enough to do things out of earshot and behind the teacher's back. Someone's daughter is doing this and it might be OPs. Girls are reduced to tears daily because of this mean behavior from the same 2 or 3 girls.

Even if this is true, and I don’t really think it is based on what OP has said, the teacher’s language was inappropriate.

Anonymous wrote:Nobody ever thinks their kid is the mean kid. Yet we all have experience with the mean kids. I think OP should take this info as it was intended. The teacher has noticed a pattern and finally thought it was time to bring to the parent's attention. OP should try to nip this in the bud because it will get worse. My DD is in 4th grade the the girls who are mean are straight up vicious now and of course their parents never see it and the girls are savvy enough to do things out of earshot and behind the teacher's back. Someone's daughter is doing this and it might be OPs. Girls are reduced to tears daily because of this mean behavior from the same 2 or 3 girls.

This exactly. I tend to give teachers the benefit of the doubt. They’re unlikely to be out to get you or your kid. So many parents are in complete denial despite the same feedback over and over since it’s easier to vilify or blame teachers instead of accepting reality.

Nobody ever thinks their kid is the mean kid. Yet we all have experience with the mean kids. I think OP should take this info as it was intended. The teacher has noticed a pattern and finally thought it was time to bring to the parent's attention. OP should try to nip this in the bud because it will get worse. My DD is in 4th grade the the girls who are mean are straight up vicious now and of course their parents never see it and the girls are savvy enough to do things out of earshot and behind the teacher's back. Someone's daughter is doing this and it might be OPs. Girls are reduced to tears daily because of this mean behavior from the same 2 or 3 girls.

Anonymous wrote:Amazing how everyone pins blame on the teacher. If my kid is being bullied at school I would want the other parent to take it seriously and not hand wave it away with creative theories of a plot to target the child. Also, harsh punishment leads to mean and angry kids so it sounds plausible that the kid is acting out.

The teacher is reporting one actual mean comment. That is not bullying. I don’t know OP or her kid so I have no idea what happened but it sounds like one actual thing happened and the teacher is mostly editorializing. That is what many of us are responding to. My DD has been the kid who the teacher decided was “bad” and while my child did need extra help (which we got them, as fast as possible!!) the experience of being denigrated by the teacher was incredibly painful and counterproductive. We have not had the same experience again (thank god!!!) but I know there’s another teacher in my child’s grade that is overwhelmed and handling things like this poorly. I am incredibly sympathetic to what a hard job teachers have but it is still not a good practice to label students “mean girls” especially at 6.

Anonymous wrote:Amazing how everyone pins blame on the teacher. If my kid is being bullied at school I would want the other parent to take it seriously and not hand wave it away with creative theories of a plot to target the child. Also, harsh punishment leads to mean and angry kids so it sounds plausible that the kid is acting out.

Agreed, but this kid sounds like the child that teachers pick on, while the real bullies(who have better social skills, and are usually devious) get away with murder.

Anonymous wrote:Amazing how everyone pins blame on the teacher. If my kid is being bullied at school I would want the other parent to take it seriously and not hand wave it away with creative theories of a plot to target the child. Also, harsh punishment leads to mean and angry kids so it sounds plausible that the kid is acting out.

OP here. I am not handwaving it away with a plot to target her. I was deeply disturbed by the fact that my kid was potentially bullying another kid and had a serious discussion with her. I did not punish her harshly. What harsh punishment can I even inflict during the middle of the work/school week? Bed without dinner?

I don't think it's likely that the teacher has some personal axe to grind with me or my kid. I am not that cool or exciting. I am simply a mom who is doing her best, as I would assume we all are.

I do find it bizarre that she used the specific language that she did during my first real interaction with her because I have never gotten that feedback about my kid's behavior before, nor have I personally seen it. The comment that she thinks she is smarter than other kids and the implication that she brags about it is particularly disturbing to me because her little brother has some serious special needs, including a borderline intellectual disability, so I have a personal investment in ensuring that behavior doesn't occur. It is highly likely that my other kid is going to be the target of bullies in a gen ed classroom and is something I worry about a lot. He already gets bullied by neighbors because he has a language disorder and plays differently with other kids and his sister is often in the position of defending him. Please don't assume that I take bullying lightly.

I am not some Pollyanna with my head up my butt who can't fathom my kid behaving badly. Far from it actually. If there is an issue beyond a one-off mistake, I want to know about it and fix it. I came here to talk to other parents about the best way to do that and got some great advice. So thanks for that.

Amazing how everyone pins blame on the teacher. If my kid is being bullied at school I would want the other parent to take it seriously and not hand wave it away with creative theories of a plot to target the child. Also, harsh punishment leads to mean and angry kids so it sounds plausible that the kid is acting out.

My 11yo has a teacher like this. It is her first year teaching. She is the lunch supervisor. One of my daughter’s friends started imitating one of their mutual friends who was not seated at the lunch table. My DD did not know how to react because a) her friend had never acted mean like this before and b) the teacher stepped in before she had a chance to react. Then, the teacher had a talk to the whole class about kindness. My daughter was listening and paying attention but she looked down for a second and the teacher accused her of rolling her eyes. The teacher took my daughter and her friends aside and told them to “stop with the mean girl behavior.” She and her friends were sent to the principal later and the teacher told the principal she had rolled her eyes at her. My DD started crying because this did not happen. The principal reminded her that if bullying behavior is going on she should stand up for the person but the principal told me that she was not 100% sure my DD rolled her eyes. Every so often the teacher comes to my DD to remind her not to be a mean girl, which I feel is an overreaction to this situation. DD has not gotten in trouble like this again.

Eventually I learned that the teacher was bullied in middle school. Newer teachers tend to take situations like this very personally. It doesn’t mean you are a failure as a parent, it is just the teacher’s perspective on what could have happened. I recommend reaching out to the school counselor to see what she thinks. I don’t you should be punishing your 6yo beyond just talking to her and telling her what she should have done.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 2 cents. Classrooms are pretty big and sometimes teachers think one kid said or did something when it was really another kid that said or did it. Alternatively, sometimes kids tell the teacher something happened and they screw up the details like who said what so your daughters role in the incident may not have been described accurately.

This is a likely scenario. Teacher maybe didn’t hear what your daughter said and is taking another kids word for it.

Is your kid denying? Can you tell when she’s lying?

Op said her kid didn’t report the incident the same way but look, nobody who has ever been in the wrong will just say “yeah I was being the mean one.” Of course her perception of a time she might’ve been being mean isn’t going to be that she was being mean!

Op needs to have a chat with her daughter about how she should treat others and then move on. Al this thread is doing now is encouraging her to continue to overthink the situation or give her nonsense reasons to assume the teacher made the whole thing up. Part of raising kids is they will sometimes do things at school or with friends that you “didn’t raise them to do.” You course correct- you don’t look for a million reasons why they just could NEVER have done that thing.

Anonymous wrote:My 2 cents. Classrooms are pretty big and sometimes teachers think one kid said or did something when it was really another kid that said or did it. Alternatively, sometimes kids tell the teacher something happened and they screw up the details like who said what so your daughters role in the incident may not have been described accurately.

This is a likely scenario. Teacher maybe didn’t hear what your daughter said and is taking another kids word for it.

Is your kid denying? Can you tell when she’s lying?

Anonymous wrote:Possibility -
Teacher has an axe to grind because she's jealous or annoyed by you/and/or your daughter for being smart, involved, supported., etc. (mom volunteers in school, leads Girl Scouts.)

Teacher wants you/daughter to feel bad to teach some kind of lesson, to knock you down a peg or two.

This is truly the least likely possibility and some really juvenile thinking. How is this easier than believing her kid just said a mean comment and sometimes is mean when she’s around certain kids. Teachers do not have time to care this much about hating you and your kids. I have no axe to grind with parents who volunteer, grow up.

-teacher

Anonymous wrote:Possibility -
Teacher has an axe to grind because she's jealous or annoyed by you/and/or your daughter for being smart, involved, supported., etc. (mom volunteers in school, leads Girl Scouts.)

Teacher wants you/daughter to feel bad to teach some kind of lesson, to knock you down a peg or two.

+100

Possibility -
Teacher has an axe to grind because she's jealous or annoyed by you/and/or your daughter for being smart, involved, supported., etc. (mom volunteers in school, leads Girl Scouts.)

Teacher wants you/daughter to feel bad to teach some kind of lesson, to knock you down a peg or two.

My 2 cents. Classrooms are pretty big and sometimes teachers think one kid said or did something when it was really another kid that said or did it. Alternatively, sometimes kids tell the teacher something happened and they screw up the details like who said what so your daughters role in the incident may not have been described accurately.