Anonymous
Post 02/21/2024 14:32     Subject: How do you deal with family criticism?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:DC's top choice college was a "lessor" school in a particular group - think Cornell vs. Harvard or Connecticut College vs. Amherst, or Nebraska vs. Northwestern, something like that. They were accepted and are THRILLED beyond words, but more than one family member and friend has said some really nasty things to us about the acceptance. We're incredibly proud and trying to gracefully deflect the comments, but people are digging in their heels and saying the equivalent of, "Well, what about Harvard? It's not too late to apply, you know."

Could use some specific wording here. "This school is perfect for them, and we're very proud of their achievement" isn't shutting them down.



OP, it is their envy speaking. And the ironic thing is some people cannot tolerate that someone else is content and feel the need to poke a hole in their state of being. Just shrug say "this is the best fit and "we are looking at the best outcomes in the long run." Don't let them get to your DD-she is still young.


I wish it was envy! But thinking that way helps...thank you.
Anonymous
Post 02/21/2024 14:32     Subject: How do you deal with family criticism?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I think it depends on who the family you are referring. Are they your parents? in-laws? your siblings? distance cousins?

Normally I would focus on my kids interests and potential networking opportunities using my family connections. If they can help something there, great. If not, I would just listen and smile/move on.


DH's parents and one of my siblings are the biggest offenders. They don't understand this particular culture, which is why I say I think it's ignorance - and they don't see themselves are being rude. They honestly don't understand.


+1. Older generations have zero idea of what it is to apply to college in current time. For example, that state colleges can actually cost more (not less!) because your kid can get scholarships at better schools. Just tell them that your kid seems happy with their choice, so that you are happy. Then change the topic of discussion, because it honestly is not their business. Are they footing the bill? Because they sound RUDE.


The taxpayers are footing the bill. They simply believe DC could do better. (Could they? Maybe. Do they want to? Absolutely not.)
Anonymous
Post 02/21/2024 14:31     Subject: How do you deal with family criticism?
Anonymous wrote:DC's top choice college was a "lessor" school in a particular group - think Cornell vs. Harvard or Connecticut College vs. Amherst, or Nebraska vs. Northwestern, something like that. They were accepted and are THRILLED beyond words, but more than one family member and friend has said some really nasty things to us about the acceptance. We're incredibly proud and trying to gracefully deflect the comments, but people are digging in their heels and saying the equivalent of, "Well, what about Harvard? It's not too late to apply, you know."

Could use some specific wording here. "This school is perfect for them, and we're very proud of their achievement" isn't shutting them down.



OP, it is their envy speaking. And the ironic thing is some people cannot tolerate that someone else is content and feel the need to poke a hole in their state of being. Just shrug say "this is the best fit and "we are looking at the best outcomes in the long run." Don't let them get to your DD-she is still young.
Anonymous
Post 02/21/2024 14:14     Subject: Re:How do you deal with family criticism?
Ignore them - or just say we are not worried and you shouldn't be either.
Anonymous
Post 02/21/2024 14:07     Subject: How do you deal with family criticism?
If they're not paying or contributing, I wouldn't worry about it.
Anonymous
Post 02/21/2024 13:53     Subject: How do you deal with family criticism?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I think it depends on who the family you are referring. Are they your parents? in-laws? your siblings? distance cousins?

Normally I would focus on my kids interests and potential networking opportunities using my family connections. If they can help something there, great. If not, I would just listen and smile/move on.


DH's parents and one of my siblings are the biggest offenders. They don't understand this particular culture, which is why I say I think it's ignorance - and they don't see themselves are being rude. They honestly don't understand.


+1. Older generations have zero idea of what it is to apply to college in current time. For example, that state colleges can actually cost more (not less!) because your kid can get scholarships at better schools. Just tell them that your kid seems happy with their choice, so that you are happy. Then change the topic of discussion, because it honestly is not their business. Are they footing the bill? Because they sound RUDE.
Anonymous
Post 02/21/2024 13:53     Subject: How do you deal with family criticism?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Is this an Indian family?


No. Plain old boring Midwesterners.


LOL. The ones who think they "made it" by landing in D.C.


They don't live in DC.
Anonymous
Post 02/21/2024 13:50     Subject: How do you deal with family criticism?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Is this an Indian family?


No. Plain old boring Midwesterners.


LOL. The ones who think they "made it" by landing in D.C.
Anonymous
Post 02/21/2024 13:48     Subject: How do you deal with family criticism?
Anonymous wrote:"Our child is thrilled so we are thrilled. End of discussion."


Bingo!

OP, you do not have to continue the discussion, you don't have to explain the decision, justify it, whatever. Shut. It. Down. If this person wants to continue yapping, ignore them or avoid them.
Anonymous
Post 02/21/2024 12:02     Subject: Re:How do you deal with family criticism?
Anonymous wrote:Lots of good comebacks here. I agree -- pick one line that works for your family and repeat, repeat, repeat.

It is true that some people make rude comments simply based on what they remember from the 1950s, 1980s, etc. We all know that the admissions landscape has changed, but many people don't.


Repeating sounds SO passive-aggressive to me, which is why I haven't done it, but you're absolutely right.

Anonymous
Post 02/21/2024 11:59     Subject: Re:How do you deal with family criticism?
Lots of good comebacks here. I agree -- pick one line that works for your family and repeat, repeat, repeat.

It is true that some people make rude comments simply based on what they remember from the 1950s, 1980s, etc. We all know that the admissions landscape has changed, but many people don't.
Anonymous
Post 02/21/2024 11:57     Subject: How do you deal with family criticism?
Anonymous wrote:Is this an Indian family?


No. Plain old boring Midwesterners.
Anonymous
Post 02/21/2024 11:57     Subject: How do you deal with family criticism?
Is this an Indian family?
Anonymous
Post 02/21/2024 11:54     Subject: How do you deal with family criticism?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I think it depends on who the family you are referring. Are they your parents? in-laws? your siblings? distance cousins?

Normally I would focus on my kids interests and potential networking opportunities using my family connections. If they can help something there, great. If not, I would just listen and smile/move on.


DH's parents and one of my siblings are the biggest offenders. They don't understand this particular culture, which is why I say I think it's ignorance - and they don't see themselves are being rude. They honestly don't understand.


Older people are often absolutely stupid and clueless about college admissions these days. As for your siblings, younger kids? Terrible behavior making a teen family member and parents feel like shit about a great decision either way.


Elder millennials, yeah. I'd like to nip it in the bud before it spreads to their kids and then to DC.


I think people act snobby until they realize how insanely different the college landscape is these days. I personally do not open up about it to anyone, unless I know for a fact these people are not snobs and are kind and supportive of people's choices. That means we do not tell my in-laws a thing.
Anonymous
Post 02/21/2024 11:53     Subject: How do you deal with family criticism?
My DD is attending one of the listed colleges, and we always say -' they chose it because of x, y and z, and also did not want a repeat of their hyper stressed HS environment' which is exactly the truth and tough to argue with.