Anonymous wrote:Kindergarten.

I still have the same childhood BF, grew up in the same street. Then- a few friends each decade of my life--college, work colleagues, mom friends, neighbor, etc.

My Senior in HS has the same core 6 friends that met in elementary school. They all attend different HS now but still get together most weekends. Very close. Several have been admitted to the same school (not planned) which is pretty cool.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am very close with about a half a dozen friends I met at an HYP. My sisters who went to small liberal arts colleges are much closer with their high school friends. I don't know if there's a pattern to be read in that or not, probably not.

I know an older guy who went to Earlham who goes on a days long hike every year with his college buddies. So maybe Earlham? Idk

When I was in college, I had many male friends. I got along with the males more than my female classmates. While we hung out all through college, my male friends and I drifted apart after we got married. I regret not making closer female friends in college and grad school. I worked in a male dominated field and never had a close female colleague at work.

I made my closest friends after I became a mother.

+1
Though I had female friends in K-12, and hung out with plenty of women I liked and had fun with in college, I was slow to get the code of what makes adult female friendships closer. My style of friendship suited more male groups of friends--activity and interest based rather than intimacy based and so I ended up with more male college friends. (I have ADHD and I've since learned this is common for girls/women with ADHD). And as people got married, move away, it does get harder to keep up with friends generally---and even more so across genders. It wasn't until I was in my late 20s-early 30s that I started to recognize how women became close friends. Thanks for reminding me that this is something I should explicitly share with my HS daughter who has ADHD about developing friends in college. To OPs point, I think sharing stories about what you are happy with/regret about your own college friendships and asking them questions about what kinds of friendships they want--may be one way of planting seeds about this with your kid. Because I agree with most, it's the person not the school that matters most.

Anonymous wrote:I think this is a dicy goal because making lifelong friends in college can sometimes depend on your personality, your fit for the school, and some luck of the draw (sometimes people just get unlucky with roommate assignments, dorms, or the cohort in their major).

A major factor is also where people go after college. I would consider where he might want to live after college and try to go to a school that tends to send a lot of alums there. I actually think this is the biggest factor at play. For instance, I know a lot of Notre Dame and Williams alums in the DC area who are still very good friends with their college friends. And I do think those schools tend to have pretty active alumni networks. BUT would you have the same experience if you moved to Seattle or Houston after college? I have no idea, but I would anticipate neither of those schools sends a ton of alumni to Seattle and that Williams, at least, doesn't send a lot of people to Houston.

Also, if you think you will do grad school, that can supersede undergrad friends because grad school tends to be more intense than undergrad, and you have smaller cohorts, and it encourages closeness a bit more in my experience. I have away more close friends from grad school than undergrad (though this might also be because I live in the city where I attended grad school, but am halfway across the country from where I attended undergrad).

Anonymous wrote:Kindergarten.

I still have the same childhood BF, grew up in the same street. Then- a few friends each decade of my life--college, work colleagues, mom friends, neighbor, etc.

My Senior in HS has the same core 6 friends that met in elementary school. They all attend different HS now but still get together most weekends. Very close. Several have been admitted to the same school (not planned) which is pretty cool.

Same experience for me and my son. Those young friendships are special.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am very close with about a half a dozen friends I met at an HYP. My sisters who went to small liberal arts colleges are much closer with their high school friends. I don't know if there's a pattern to be read in that or not, probably not.

I know an older guy who went to Earlham who goes on a days long hike every year with his college buddies. So maybe Earlham? Idk

When I was in college, I had many male friends. I got along with the males more than my female classmates. While we hung out all through college, my male friends and I drifted apart after we got married. I regret not making closer female friends in college and grad school. I worked in a male dominated field and never had a close female colleague at work.

I made my closest friends after I became a mother.

+1
Though I had female friends in K-12, and hung out with plenty of women I liked and had fun with in college, I was slow to get the code of what makes adult female friendships closer. My style of friendship suited more male groups of friends--activity and interest based rather than intimacy based and so I ended up with more male college friends. (I have ADHD and I've since learned this is common for girls/women with ADHD). And as people got married, move away, it does get harder to keep up with friends generally---and even more so across genders. It wasn't until I was in my late 20s-early 30s that I started to recognize how women became close friends. Thanks for reminding me that this is something I should explicitly share with my HS daughter who has ADHD about developing friends in college. To OPs point, I think sharing stories about what you are happy with/regret about your own college friendships and asking them questions about what kinds of friendships they want--may be one way of planting seeds about this with your kid. Because I agree with most, it's the person not the school that matters most.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am very close with about a half a dozen friends I met at an HYP. My sisters who went to small liberal arts colleges are much closer with their high school friends. I don't know if there's a pattern to be read in that or not, probably not.

I know an older guy who went to Earlham who goes on a days long hike every year with his college buddies. So maybe Earlham? Idk

When I was in college, I had many male friends. I got along with the males more than my female classmates. While we hung out all through college, my male friends and I drifted apart after we got married. I regret not making closer female friends in college and grad school. I worked in a male dominated field and never had a close female colleague at work.

I made my closest friends after I became a mother.

Anonymous wrote:I think this is a dicy goal because making lifelong friends in college can sometimes depend on your personality, your fit for the school, and some luck of the draw (sometimes people just get unlucky with roommate assignments, dorms, or the cohort in their major).

A major factor is also where people go after college. I would consider where he might want to live after college and try to go to a school that tends to send a lot of alums there. I actually think this is the biggest factor at play. For instance, I know a lot of Notre Dame and Williams alums in the DC area who are still very good friends with their college friends. And I do think those schools tend to have pretty active alumni networks. BUT would you have the same experience if you moved to Seattle or Houston after college? I have no idea, but I would anticipate neither of those schools sends a ton of alumni to Seattle and that Williams, at least, doesn't send a lot of people to Houston.

Also, if you think you will do grad school, that can supersede undergrad friends because grad school tends to be more intense than undergrad, and you have smaller cohorts, and it encourages closeness a bit more in my experience. I have away more close friends from grad school than undergrad (though this might also be because I live in the city where I attended grad school, but am halfway across the country from where I attended undergrad).