Anonymous
Post 04/04/2024 07:24     Subject: Step parents discarding step kids
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I'm not a stepparent and have never been divorced, but my guess is that the husbands left all the hard work of parenting the stepkids to the new wife. Cue the stepkids complaining, "You're not my real mom so you can't tell me what to do!" The conflict escalates and the stepkids resent their stepmoms, while the husbands sit on the sidelines, except occasionally buying presents to placate both parties. Eventually, either the kids or the new wife forces the dad to choose who stays and who goes.


It's this or the opposite. Husbands and their ex-wives do a nice job of parenting as a team, and the husband lets her know the kids are the number one priority. The husband is in regular contact with his ex-wife, and together, they make schedules and do not seek input from their significant others. Despite all this, kids don't like that stepmom exists as they feel like they are in competition with her for their parent's time, affection, and resources. Stepmom finds that her new marriage doesn't meet her expectations of marriage and family life (most likely, she went in with unreasonable expectations. Otherwise, she never would have married him). The family exists in a constant state of conflicting priorities and divided loyalties. Eventually, the kids or new wife forces the dad to choose who stays and who goes.


Another scenario- step-mom is a mature woman who isn’t threatened by children from another relationship and who knew what she was getting into before marrying the dad. She is a logical person who allows her husband to put his kids first so it can lessen the impact of the divorce on them and lessen the potential damage to his relationships with them. She allows him one-on-one time with his kids and fosters and encourages their relationships, knowing that this season of life is over in an instant. Honestly divorced people shouldn’t re-couple unless they are willing to put the kids first. And this is coming from a divorced woman.
Anonymous
Post 04/02/2024 16:14     Subject: Step parents discarding step kids
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I'm not surprised -- the Cinderella effect is real. Most step parents do not treat children well. And that is probably an understatement.


If it's real, please provide some links with legitimate statistics/data that proves stepparents do not treat children well.




Google "Cinderella effect." This has been known for over 40 years. Step parents abuse and kill their step children at rates that are about 7 times higher than genetic parents.

The original research was done by Martin Daly and Margo Wilson.

Daly, M.; Wilson, M. (1985). "Child abuse and other risks of not living with both parents". Ethology and Sociobiology. 6 (4): 197–210. doi:10.1016/0162-3095(85)90012-3. S2CID 145192777.
Anonymous
Post 04/02/2024 16:13     Subject: Step parents discarding step kids
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I'm not surprised -- the Cinderella effect is real. Most step parents do not treat children well. And that is probably an understatement.


If it's real, please provide some links with legitimate statistics/data that proves stepparents do not treat children well.



Google "Cinderella effect." This has been known for over 40 years. Step parents abuse and kill their step children at rates that are about 7 times higher than genetic parents.

The original research was done by Martin Daly and Margo Wilson.

Daly, M.; Wilson, M. (1985). "Child abuse and other risks of not living with both parents". Ethology and Sociobiology. 6 (4): 197–210. doi:10.1016/0162-3095(85)90012-3. S2CID 145192777.
Anonymous
Post 04/02/2024 16:09     Subject: Step parents discarding step kids
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I'm not a stepparent and have never been divorced, but my guess is that the husbands left all the hard work of parenting the stepkids to the new wife. Cue the stepkids complaining, "You're not my real mom so you can't tell me what to do!" The conflict escalates and the stepkids resent their stepmoms, while the husbands sit on the sidelines, except occasionally buying presents to placate both parties. Eventually, either the kids or the new wife forces the dad to choose who stays and who goes.


It's this or the opposite. Husbands and their ex-wives do a nice job of parenting as a team, and the husband lets her know the kids are the number one priority. The husband is in regular contact with his ex-wife, and together, they make schedules and do not seek input from their significant others. Despite all this, kids don't like that stepmom exists as they feel like they are in competition with her for their parent's time, affection, and resources. Stepmom finds that her new marriage doesn't meet her expectations of marriage and family life (most likely, she went in with unreasonable expectations. Otherwise, she never would have married him). The family exists in a constant state of conflicting priorities and divided loyalties. Eventually, the kids or new wife forces the dad to choose who stays and who goes.


WOW, just wow.