Mother of adult men here. It all depends on who they marry and how controlling you are.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don’t let the patriarchy tell you that you can’t have a close emotional bond with your adult sons. The world needs way more emotionally intelligent and empathetic men.

You can't just demand that now. You have to raise them to be that way.

Obviously. It sounds like OP’s sons are young. She has plenty of time to build strong bonds with them!

Depends we live closer to my in laws and see them way more than we see my family. I do think it’s important to normalize and foster a close relationship with your son. The main thing is that I’ll call my mom and maintain a relationship so it doesn’t really matter how far we live from each other but if my husband lived far from his parents he’d barely have a relationship with them. I once asked if he’d feel comfortable going to a restaurant one-on-one with his mom and he said no. I found that to be odd. So I’d say try to foster a good one-on-one relationship that can withstand distance or a marriage.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This worries me and somedays I pray my son is gay. I see all around it's all about what the DIL wants they have access to manipulate and influence relations.

It's so sad

And here is exhibit #1 for why some women don't see their married sons much.

PP, the problem is not the DIL. It's you.

You are in denial if you think it's not the DIL calling the shots on this in most marriages.

Anonymous wrote:This worries me and somedays I pray my son is gay. I see all around it's all about what the DIL wants they have access to manipulate and influence relations.

It's so sad

And here is exhibit #1 for why some women don't see their married sons much.

PP, the problem is not the DIL. It's you.

If you have a good relationship with your sons AND their partners, then you will probably see them plenty. If you're a horrible person like my MIL, then you can enjoy being alone.

Anonymous wrote:Both my sister and I are incredibly close with our in-laws and see them as much if not more than our own families (who we are also close with). Both sets of in-laws are very kind and generous grandparents and that relationship has really helped us all become a family - they adore our kids, love to spend time with them. That love has bonded us I think. it gives me hope for my own boys, hopefully we are modeling a healthy relationship with extended family generally.

Same for my sister and me.

Anonymous wrote:Don’t let the patriarchy tell you that you can’t have a close emotional bond with your adult sons. The world needs way more emotionally intelligent and empathetic men.

You can't just demand that now. You have to raise them to be that way.

Anonymous wrote:You'll probably see more of them if they are gay than if they have a wife.

Op - I know this was my secret hope but I don’t think they are. Remains to be seen but not immediately vibing this

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you have to make an effort to get along with the wife. Wives generally control who they see and who they don't, mainly because most of the family stuff falls on the wife.

This^. From day one, be welcoming and nonjudgmental. Give love and respect to get it back. Forgive and ignore their shortcomings.

I agree. My SIL loves my mom and is good at encouraging a long-distance relationship. My brother loves my mom but would probably be less communicative without the relationship my SIL and mom have.

We moved to be closer to my in-laws. They live a block away. We have dinner at least once a week and they see the kids many times a week.

Anonymous wrote:This worries me and somedays I pray my son is gay. I see all around it's all about what the DIL wants they have access to manipulate and influence relations.

It's so sad

It doesn't sound like you would have a great relationship with a DIL...or a SIL. You need therapy.

Don’t let the patriarchy tell you that you can’t have a close emotional bond with your adult sons. The world needs way more emotionally intelligent and empathetic men.

I dont think its as much of a thing as it was 10 years ago. My brother sees my mom more than my sister or me do. He lives closer and makes and effort to go to her house, to celebrate holidays, to bring kids around. I probably talk to my mom more and have a more emotional relationship, but I dont see her that much.

Go to them. Stay in a hotel. Have dinner.