Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Idk… I don’t think my own kids would like being stuck in aftercare or in daycare all day. So we have a FT nanny and probably will continue to until they can drive. And I try to knock off early from work (and make it up at night) so I can spend those afternoon hours with one or the other

Agree. Unpopular opinion, but I think it’s a long day for the 3 year old.

They're literally just playing all day. They're doing the same things they would be doing at home, silly.

Also I think most grown kids would say they’d trade off a long day of playing at daycare (that they won’t even remember) if it makes the difference of their parents being able to do things like pay for college and help with a down payment later on.

If there is something that is going to have a long term advantage it’s the financial opportunities a parent can provide (assuming a child is in high quality care, otherwise has a close bond with parental caregivers, and we aren’t talking like 12 hours per day in daycare).

Anonymous wrote:Op here and thanks for the encouragement. I really appreciate the posters who mentioned that older kids can come home on the bus and hang out for the last hour. I'm embarrassed i didn't even consider that....our front lawn is literally the neighborhood school bus stop, but my oldest is in K and we haven't used the bus yet so I didn't even think about that.

I'm curious - why don't you use the bus? It's easy and it buys you an extra half an hour in the morning.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Idk… I don’t think my own kids would like being stuck in aftercare or in daycare all day. So we have a FT nanny and probably will continue to until they can drive. And I try to knock off early from work (and make it up at night) so I can spend those afternoon hours with one or the other

Agree. Unpopular opinion, but I think it’s a long day for the 3 year old.

They're literally just playing all day. They're doing the same things they would be doing at home, silly.

OP, I think a lot of people who bend themselves sideways to arrange being home or to have a nanny or whatever are going to of course convince themselves all the headache is totally worth it so their kid isn’t in extended care or whatever. And I’m not saying it’s not the right choice for their family. But I think there’s a lot of justification going on when you arrange something like that.

And like a lot of PPs said, an extra hour per day in care is going to have a negligible effect compared to your children having a happy mom and potential financial advantages later on.

I say this as someone who is mommy tracked and doesn’t use extended day. But I will admit that is for me because I don’t want to work longer hours in a harder job. My kids would honestly be fine if I ramped up at work … I just don’t want to for me and I can admit that.

Anonymous wrote:Op here and thanks for the encouragement. I really appreciate the posters who mentioned that older kids can come home on the bus and hang out for the last hour. I'm embarrassed i didn't even consider that....our front lawn is literally the neighborhood school bus stop, but my oldest is in K and we haven't used the bus yet so I didn't even think about that.

I bet your oldest will LOVE the bus and it will probably buy you some time in the afternoon. My kids love it

Omg, don’t pass up a career opportunity like this! They don’t come along every day. As a SAHM, I spent a ton of time with my kids when they were your kids’ ages, and let me tell you, every hour out of the day isn’t “quality time.” You and your dh will still be present every day, have a family dinner, time for everyone to share their day, the same bedtime routine you have now. Your kids’ lives aren’t going to change dramatically if you take this job — but your life will, and your children will reap the rewards of a happier mother.

It's literally one extra hour, they'll be fine. My kids have always LOVED aftercare, by the way, they have so much fun and were a little pissed when we took them out this year because we both work from home.

Here's my unpopular opinion but it's genuine.

I believe that being with my kid most days in their toddler years and before and after school in their school years (most of the time, we did have stints where we did after care or a sitter 1-2 days per week) played a huge part in their success and our bond.

While my child did attend preschool 9-3 from age 3, 95% of the time my spouse or I have been able to be with them after school and before school. We talk, we go to activities, we help with homework, we supervise, we have awareness. It's nice.

I think that if you had a sitter do pick up and hang out at home until you're done with work that would be similar, because you're around. I think when the kids are older (7 and 10?) you could have them take the bus home and childcare is no longer necessary.

But if it's not possible, I know tons of kids who are in aftercare and before care all through school years and turn out amazing. It's just not my preference. And yes, it's a tremendous privilege.

You need to balance what's ok for you with what's ok for the kids. Congrats on the new job!

They'll be fine.

When my son was 3, I had a close friend who had a son the same age, and was in the same position as you. She agonized over the decision, and finally took the job. There were a few hiccups - she didn't want to do full time daycare and struggled for years to find alternatives, then finally sent her child to daycare. He excelled there. Then he was old enough to go to school, she was easily able to afford private for him. Today he's in a private high school and still thriving. They take fancy vacations with all their money and don't worry about getting accepted to a state school.

Now us? Not so great. I mommy-tracked myself and work for peanuts now, and we can't afford vacations or private school. My son is doing "OK" but not thriving. Our public school is not great and has been a source of numerous problems over the years.

I don't think this is proof that staying home is bad, or that going to work is good, but it's proof that ultimately it's not going to be the defining factor in how your children do in life.

Totally Fine!! Mom guilt is so hard. Your kids love you and they are in good hands, and they will be okay!

Anonymous wrote:You sound like the type of parent that tries to be fully present and adores your kids. They will be fine. Take the job.

This. Your children are lucky they have you. You’re doing a wonderful job.

My kids are in college. They enjoyed daycare because they got to see their friends every day. While they were happy for me to pick them up every day at six, they were just as happy when I dropped them off and they spotted their friends playing in a corner.

When they entered elementary school, they went to the aftercare program. And they really liked it until about fifth grade. Prior to fifth grade it was the place all of their friends were also after school. Most of the parents at our kids Elementary school have two working parents. The afterschool program had different sports camps or art clubs, or other things that my kids could do with their friends as the afterschool kidsco was at the elementary school. As I said, they were happy with it until about fifth grade when they started asking if they could come home on the bus and hang out at home for a couple of hours before I would get home. And I did allow it as they needed to get more independence for the next year, middle school.

What all these people who are saying your kids will be so sad and missing out if both parents work, they are not accounting for the fact that your kids will be making friends. And friendships are very important to the kids. You are mom and your role is Mom. Their friends fill a huge gap that you could never fill.

My kids are well adjusted and happy. So long story short. Your kids will be fine.

I am still mommy tracked so I can do after school pick up. It’s about 85% for me. I’ll get off the mommy track at some point and there’s no magic time that’s exactly right. Best of luck to you!

Op here and thanks for the encouragement. I really appreciate the posters who mentioned that older kids can come home on the bus and hang out for the last hour. I'm embarrassed i didn't even consider that....our front lawn is literally the neighborhood school bus stop, but my oldest is in K and we haven't used the bus yet so I didn't even think about that.

My kid is 7 now and has been in all day preschool with aftercare since he was 3. My son asks to be picked up as late as possible from aftercare so he can play with his friends.

Congratulations on the new job. I work from home full time and it is a different beast from having to commute. You will adjust and everyone will be fine.