Anonymous wrote:OP here. Let me be clear that we do not restrict healthy food. He gets to eat as much as he wants of non-junk food. Yes, he gets enough proteins, fats, and carbs.

My mind is blown that intelligent, well-educated parents think it's okay to let their kids eat unrestricted quantities of unhealthy foods. It's really OK if your kid wants to have six pints of Ben & Jerry's at a sitting on a regular basis?

As I said, we allow small amounts of junk food as occasional treats but I cannot fathom allowing kids of any age to free-feed on food that crowds out healthy calories.

Sugary junk food is made to be addictive and kids, especially teens, do not have the forebrain to fight the addiction.

Think about inserting other kinds of addictive substances -- vaping, meth, alcohol instead of junk food. Of course forbidding something cannot make it attractive. Does that mean we should allow free access to vapes, drugs, and alcohol?

What a total dereliction of parental duty.

OP, We understand you mean well, but this is not normal. Even just your language around 'allow' and considering all junk food addictive is really telling. Assuming that kids will want to have six pints of ice cream on a regular basis? This is really abnormal. Please pursue some therapy (with a mental health professional, not a dietician).

As an aside, we purposefully do not allow our similarly aged child to buy 'treats' like this with her own money right now. When she asks to buy candy or cookies using her own money because I won't buy it for her, we discuss that we (parents) provide food for her (including treats from time to time). But, the issue about her not getting candy is not about money. We also discuss alternative 'treats,' which might include watching a movie at home, working on an art project, reading a book together, or even having a small serving of ice cream at home (which at least has milk/calcium, instead of completely empty calories from twizzlers or the ringpop or whatever). If she is actually hunger, we can get/make a healthy snack alternative. Of course, the time will come when she can use her own money to meet her friend and get candy or snacks or ice cream as a social activity or something-- but we are not there yet. Of course resources are not unlimited, but my husband and I both experienced perceived scarcity around treats/special foods. We purposefully try to not set this up for our kids, obviously within reason.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Let me be clear that we do not restrict healthy food. He gets to eat as much as he wants of non-junk food. Yes, he gets enough proteins, fats, and carbs.

My mind is blown that intelligent, well-educated parents think it's okay to let their kids eat unrestricted quantities of unhealthy foods. It's really OK if your kid wants to have six pints of Ben & Jerry's at a sitting on a regular basis?

As I said, we allow small amounts of junk food as occasional treats but I cannot fathom allowing kids of any age to free-feed on food that crowds out healthy calories.

Sugary junk food is made to be addictive and kids, especially teens, do not have the forebrain to fight the addiction.

Think about inserting other kinds of addictive substances -- vaping, meth, alcohol instead of junk food. Of course forbidding something cannot make it attractive. Does that mean we should allow free access to vapes, drugs, and alcohol?

What a total dereliction of parental duty.

Oh your poor kids. Well, have at it with the consequences. You must be right. After all,nobody else has any idea how to parent. Food restriction never leads to issues later, right?

Look, he bought the Oreos. He ate them. It's over.

You are creating a craving. I was that kid. In a few short years, you are going to have ZERO control over what he buys with his own money & eats. Guess what I did at 16? Full on binges. I would say disordered eating for a good 10 years.

Here’s what I would recommend - no “consequences”. No punishment, no extra chores or losing phone time or whatever punitive actions you could come up. Talk about how it’s not great for his health. Then move on. Maybe even buy a bag of Oreos & say, I know you can do better - have a few when you feel like it.

I am parenting so differently now that I have kids, & I can tell you that my teens don’t do that. We have a bag of Oreos in the cabinet that have been there for probably 6 months. Someone has 3 or 4, & then forgets about it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Let me be clear that we do not restrict healthy food. He gets to eat as much as he wants of non-junk food. Yes, he gets enough proteins, fats, and carbs.

My mind is blown that intelligent, well-educated parents think it's okay to let their kids eat unrestricted quantities of unhealthy foods. It's really OK if your kid wants to have six pints of Ben & Jerry's at a sitting on a regular basis?

As I said, we allow small amounts of junk food as occasional treats but I cannot fathom allowing kids of any age to free-feed on food that crowds out healthy calories.

Sugary junk food is made to be addictive and kids, especially teens, do not have the forebrain to fight the addiction.

Think about inserting other kinds of addictive substances -- vaping, meth, alcohol instead of junk food. Of course forbidding something cannot make it attractive. Does that mean we should allow free access to vapes, drugs, and alcohol?

What a total dereliction of parental duty.

Nope, you’re the dereliction of parental duty. Every research study on feeding suggests that allowing unrestricted access results in moderation. Imposing moderation results in sneaking and binging. Full stop.

Yes, I parent. My teen has a video game system. He can play on the weekends if he does not have homework. He can play on a weeknight if he doesn’t have practice or homework (this is a very tiny amount of time) - I don’t otherwise limit it. If he plays when he has homework or a test, and he fails the test, that is a natural consequence and the next natural consequences are: no access to tv or games, more studying, worse grades. It basically doesn’t happen. He takes responsibility.

If your kid is sneaking video games and feeling ashamed for eating cookies, you’re setting yourself up for more secrecy and barriers.

Vaping, meth, etc - no effing way do I allow that. But we have very open talks, my kid is a committed athlete so has zero interest, and we also have narcan here so that IF one of his friends OR HIM makes a mistake, it is not deadly.

I cannot see how Oreos are a gateway to meth.

Um, that's not true and if you think it is, clearly you haven't read all the research.

I did not say Oreos were a gateway to meth. I said that treating junk specifically designed to trigger addiction as just a shiny toy because anything "forbidden" makes it more attractive is just idiotic. Don't forbid vaping or meth, then.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Let me be clear that we do not restrict healthy food. He gets to eat as much as he wants of non-junk food. Yes, he gets enough proteins, fats, and carbs.

My mind is blown that intelligent, well-educated parents think it's okay to let their kids eat unrestricted quantities of unhealthy foods. It's really OK if your kid wants to have six pints of Ben & Jerry's at a sitting on a regular basis?

As I said, we allow small amounts of junk food as occasional treats but I cannot fathom allowing kids of any age to free-feed on food that crowds out healthy calories.

Sugary junk food is made to be addictive and kids, especially teens, do not have the forebrain to fight the addiction.

Think about inserting other kinds of addictive substances -- vaping, meth, alcohol instead of junk food. Of course forbidding something cannot make it attractive. Does that mean we should allow free access to vapes, drugs, and alcohol?

What a total dereliction of parental duty.

Pretty big talk coming from a parent of a kid who just binged a whole bag of Oreos!

Yep. Most kids who are taught to enjoy all foods in moderation would not be inclined to gorge on an entire bag of Oreos.

Anonymous wrote:Is your end goal to create issues around food? If so, go right ahead and come up with some sort of consequence.

+1 my parents were the same as OP and I’ve been overweight most of my life since I moved out. Def didn’t work.

OP may be missing the point. While kids may eat too much junk food, drink too much soda and play video games too late at night, the kids who were raised to help make their own decisions earlier in life are making better decisions on their own as a teen.

Same argument holds true for the college students that experience “freedom” their freshman year.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Let me be clear that we do not restrict healthy food. He gets to eat as much as he wants of non-junk food. Yes, he gets enough proteins, fats, and carbs.

My mind is blown that intelligent, well-educated parents think it's okay to let their kids eat unrestricted quantities of unhealthy foods. It's really OK if your kid wants to have six pints of Ben & Jerry's at a sitting on a regular basis?

As I said, we allow small amounts of junk food as occasional treats but I cannot fathom allowing kids of any age to free-feed on food that crowds out healthy calories.

Sugary junk food is made to be addictive and kids, especially teens, do not have the forebrain to fight the addiction.

Think about inserting other kinds of addictive substances -- vaping, meth, alcohol instead of junk food. Of course forbidding something cannot make it attractive. Does that mean we should allow free access to vapes, drugs, and alcohol?

What a total dereliction of parental duty.

No one is saying kids should be allowed to eat six pints of ice cream in one sitting, OP. But junk food once a week is way too restrictive. It's okay to have a few Oreos or similar as a snack after school everyday.

Anonymous wrote:It’s obvious you want to teach your kid to make healthy food choices, but at 13 they are developing more autonomy and food isn’t an area you want to be fighting them on. You could inadvertently create issues with binge eating. It’s advisable to have reasonable options for “sometime foods” or desserts in the house for him to have in moderation outside of fruit.

Don’t consequent him, his stomach will take care of that natural consequence. But it is time for you to come to terms with him no longer being the little kid whose food intake you can manage in the same way.

Um, we're already doing that. Sorry but his stomach created no natural consequences. He did not feel sick. He was perfectly fine. However if he kept up this pattern of eating he'd be on track for developing insulin resistance and Type 2 diabetes for which we unfortunately have family history.

People are crazy to think that all kids have natural off buttons if they are allowed to free feed on junk food. That's totally wrong in the case of many kids. I have the opposite example of a sibling who was never restrained in eating junk food and never stopped. He's now in his 50s and is physically a mess.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Let me be clear that we do not restrict healthy food. He gets to eat as much as he wants of non-junk food. Yes, he gets enough proteins, fats, and carbs.

My mind is blown that intelligent, well-educated parents think it's okay to let their kids eat unrestricted quantities of unhealthy foods. It's really OK if your kid wants to have six pints of Ben & Jerry's at a sitting on a regular basis?

As I said, we allow small amounts of junk food as occasional treats but I cannot fathom allowing kids of any age to free-feed on food that crowds out healthy calories.

Sugary junk food is made to be addictive and kids, especially teens, do not have the forebrain to fight the addiction.

Think about inserting other kinds of addictive substances -- vaping, meth, alcohol instead of junk food. Of course forbidding something cannot make it attractive. Does that mean we should allow free access to vapes, drugs, and alcohol?

What a total dereliction of parental duty.

Nope, you’re the dereliction of parental duty. Every research study on feeding suggests that allowing unrestricted access results in moderation. Imposing moderation results in sneaking and binging. Full stop.

Yes, I parent. My teen has a video game system. He can play on the weekends if he does not have homework. He can play on a weeknight if he doesn’t have practice or homework (this is a very tiny amount of time) - I don’t otherwise limit it. If he plays when he has homework or a test, and he fails the test, that is a natural consequence and the next natural consequences are: no access to tv or games, more studying, worse grades. It basically doesn’t happen. He takes responsibility.

If your kid is sneaking video games and feeling ashamed for eating cookies, you’re setting yourself up for more secrecy and barriers.

Vaping, meth, etc - no effing way do I allow that. But we have very open talks, my kid is a committed athlete so has zero interest, and we also have narcan here so that IF one of his friends OR HIM makes a mistake, it is not deadly.

I cannot see how Oreos are a gateway to meth.

Another adult chiming in on the impact restrictive food parenting had on my relationship with food. My mother’s rules mirrored yours and I got angry and upset just reading your OP. I ended up bulimic, felt so guilty every time I couldn’t stop eating what my mom called “bad” food. With my own kids, I keep plenty of healthy snacks (yes, we always have fresh fruit). But I also keep plenty of what you and my mom would refer to as bad food in our pantry. My kids are thin and have great relationships with food and their bodies. They eat a few pieces of Halloween candy and forget about it all within a few days because, guess what? Candy, chips, cookies are not a big deal in our house.

As a parent of three teenaged boys, I can tell you aren't familiar with the fact that teenage boys have ravenous appetites. Your teen should have free access to high protein foods at all times and expect him to eat a lot of it as he will likely go through multiple growth spurts over the next few years. Yes, he is going to crave and eat large amounts of sweets. You can tsk tsk but if he wants to binge Oreos with his own money, then let him. Offer some lower calorie sweets such as popsicles and granola bars. Also offer other snackable carbs such as pretzels. My teens regularly go into the kitchen late in the evening for "second dinner". Since they tend to skip breakfast, I think this meal replaces the missing breakfast. The important thing is to ensure your growing boy isn't going through his day hungry. That will encourage binging on unhealthy foods. Remember, lots of proteins: sliced meats, cheese, nuts, etc.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Let me be clear that we do not restrict healthy food. He gets to eat as much as he wants of non-junk food. Yes, he gets enough proteins, fats, and carbs.

My mind is blown that intelligent, well-educated parents think it's okay to let their kids eat unrestricted quantities of unhealthy foods. It's really OK if your kid wants to have six pints of Ben & Jerry's at a sitting on a regular basis?

As I said, we allow small amounts of junk food as occasional treats but I cannot fathom allowing kids of any age to free-feed on food that crowds out healthy calories.

Sugary junk food is made to be addictive and kids, especially teens, do not have the forebrain to fight the addiction.

Think about inserting other kinds of addictive substances -- vaping, meth, alcohol instead of junk food. Of course forbidding something cannot make it attractive. Does that mean we should allow free access to vapes, drugs, and alcohol?

What a total dereliction of parental duty.

I’m guessing you’re a troll, since cookies and ice cream aren’t even gateway drugs, much less equivalent to meth.

But assuming you’re not - your children need to learn self control/regulation. They will never learn self control/regulation if you dole out one carob chip cookie a week.

That’s a total dereliction of parental duty.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Let me be clear that we do not restrict healthy food. He gets to eat as much as he wants of non-junk food. Yes, he gets enough proteins, fats, and carbs.

My mind is blown that intelligent, well-educated parents think it's okay to let their kids eat unrestricted quantities of unhealthy foods. It's really OK if your kid wants to have six pints of Ben & Jerry's at a sitting on a regular basis?

As I said, we allow small amounts of junk food as occasional treats but I cannot fathom allowing kids of any age to free-feed on food that crowds out healthy calories.

Sugary junk food is made to be addictive and kids, especially teens, do not have the forebrain to fight the addiction.

Think about inserting other kinds of addictive substances -- vaping, meth, alcohol instead of junk food. Of course forbidding something cannot make it attractive. Does that mean we should allow free access to vapes, drugs, and alcohol?

What a total dereliction of parental duty.

LOL

You are comparing Oreos to vaping? You made your kid buy Oreos with bday money? What do you think will happen when he goes to college? You need to be teaching moderation.