Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Alanon will provide support for you.

At 1-2 bottle of wine a night he would probably need support from his PCP or emergency room to stop.

Alcoholics have risk of death when stopping suddenly.

Please don't ride in a car with him.

Someone always says this on these threads. I don't know where this comes from, but the vast, vast majority of people that stop drinking do not need medical intervention.

Please cite how you know what the "vast, vast majority" do or don't need.

If the DH turns out to be one of those who DO need medical intervention, and he does not get it, he will feel so horrific he surely might be likelier to return quickly to drinking. And that second time he may not be williing even to try to stop.

At this level, DH can die from suddenly stopping drinking from seizures/DTs. He needs medical support to stop drinking.

Ridiculous. There's no evidence that this is the case. And this is just adding more stress on OP, who's already dealing with a lot,

It’s common at this level of drinking. I see it quite a bit where I work (in a hospital).

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Alanon will provide support for you.

At 1-2 bottle of wine a night he would probably need support from his PCP or emergency room to stop.

Alcoholics have risk of death when stopping suddenly.

Please don't ride in a car with him.

Someone always says this on these threads. I don't know where this comes from, but the vast, vast majority of people that stop drinking do not need medical intervention.

Please cite how you know what the "vast, vast majority" do or don't need.

If the DH turns out to be one of those who DO need medical intervention, and he does not get it, he will feel so horrific he surely might be likelier to return quickly to drinking. And that second time he may not be williing even to try to stop.

At this level, DH can die from suddenly stopping drinking from seizures/DTs. He needs medical support to stop drinking.

Ridiculous. There's no evidence that this is the case. And this is just adding more stress on OP, who's already dealing with a lot,

OP, there is really nothing you can do to help him. Alcoholics have to want to quit for themself. No amount of nagging on your part will do a thing. Alcohol is a highly addictive substance.

You can attend AlAnon to help yourself.

OP, Do you work outside the home for a paycheck? Understand that at some point it may be challenging for DH to hold down a job. He is probably ok for the next several years and maybe 10-15 years or more. Does he work for an employer or does he own his own company? It is easier to hide alcoholism if you own the company.

At around age 50 my Dad started getting the shakes, i.e. tremors and could not hold a pencil steady which was problematic since he was a CPA.

Anonymous wrote:OP, that’s alcohol use disorder.

My DH is now proudly sober. His “rock bottom” day that led to sobriety began with drinking a beer in the car while driving our then-toddler.

Like you, I’d have said this was unthinkable for him - a wonderful dad. I had no idea how addicted he was. If he hadn’t got sober and stayed sober, I’d have of course been gone.

Please wake up to his issue before anything horrible happens.

This is my post above. Just checking back to say - OP, I am sure it’s very stressful to read all these replies from people telling you how bad your situation is. Remember that many of us have been there with our own spouses, and you will find your way through one day at a time. To start, can you confide in a trusted friend or family member?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Alanon will provide support for you.

At 1-2 bottle of wine a night he would probably need support from his PCP or emergency room to stop.

Alcoholics have risk of death when stopping suddenly.

Please don't ride in a car with him.

Someone always says this on these threads. I don't know where this comes from, but the vast, vast majority of people that stop drinking do not need medical intervention.

Please cite how you know what the "vast, vast majority" do or don't need.

If the DH turns out to be one of those who DO need medical intervention, and he does not get it, he will feel so horrific he surely might be likelier to return quickly to drinking. And that second time he may not be williing even to try to stop.

At this level, DH can die from suddenly stopping drinking from seizures/DTs. He needs medical support to stop drinking.

He’s an alcoholic. I’m sorry, navigating life with a newborn is so difficult. He has to decide to get help if he’s ever going to get better. But Al anon for you. For you and your kid’s sake, I hope he gets therapy and attends AA. My dad was an alcoholic and it didn’t end well - life was difficult for all of us, traumatic really and he died 50 years old from cirrhosis which was a terrible way to die. Sorry to alarm you but it’s a serious situation. If he’s a good husband and father, he’s got a great shot at coming to terms with being an alcoholic. My dad had a lot of untreated trauma he couldn’t/wouldn’t face and was not a good husband or father.

1-2 bottles of wine/night?! Make no mistake, he’s a full-blown, hardcore alcoholic

You husband is definitely an alcoholic.

Plan accordingly, so your child won’t remember living with an alcoholic parent who is actively drinking.

Anonymous wrote:Your husband sounds like he could be an alcoholic, considering that it is now affecting his marriage and the fact that he admits that he should drink less.

You might want to encourage him to seek help for his condition…especially now that you both have a brand-new baby in the home.

Him passing out as well as forgetting to pick you up are very troublesome signs.

Good luck.

Like he could be one?

NIAAA defines heavy drinking as follows:
For men, consuming five or more drinks on any day or 15 or more per week
SAMHSA defines heavy alcohol use as binge drinking on 5 or more days in the past month.

NIAAA defines binge drinking as a pattern of drinking alcohol that brings blood alcohol concentration (BAC) to 0.08 percent - or 0.08 grams of alcohol per deciliter - or higher. For a typical adult, this pattern corresponds to consuming 5 or more drinks (male) in about 2 hours.

https://www.niaaa.nih.gov/alcohol-health/overview-alcohol-consumption/moderate-binge-drinking

One drink in wine is 4 oz. for these purposes, and so a bottle of wine holds more than 6 drinks. You do the math OP. Your DH is way beyond heavy, binge drinking.

Binge drinking increases the risk of heart attack by more than 70%. You should discuss the high risk of heart attack associated with this level of drinking and tell him you want your baby to grow up with a father.

Anonymous wrote:I doubt he drinks a bottle of wine a night. Wine gives you the worst hangover and headache . How can he still function at work with these daily hangovers?

Maybe wine gives YOU "the worst hangover and headache" but his body isn't your body. You have no idea if he's a large guy and/or has developed a tolerance which now means he has to drink more and more to get the same desired feeling. You also seem unaware of how well some drinkers can function, even excel, in their jobs, while being addicted at the same time.

I am concerned that on some level, OP is in denial partly because her DH is so good at his job. She may believe that "if he can function to work, he can't possibly be an alcoholic, and if he functions really successfully at work, he definiitely can't be an alcoholic" or something along those lines.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Alanon will provide support for you.

At 1-2 bottle of wine a night he would probably need support from his PCP or emergency room to stop.

Alcoholics have risk of death when stopping suddenly.

Please don't ride in a car with him.

Someone always says this on these threads. I don't know where this comes from, but the vast, vast majority of people that stop drinking do not need medical intervention.

Please cite how you know what the "vast, vast majority" do or don't need.

If the DH turns out to be one of those who DO need medical intervention, and he does not get it, he will feel so horrific he surely might be likelier to return quickly to drinking. And that second time he may not be williing even to try to stop.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:But he drinks on average 1-2 bottles of wine per night.

I think I might get liver disease just reading this. If he won’t go to Al Anon then you should, for yourself.

DP, just clarifying -- not to be pedantic, I promise! but because people without experience of this might not realize the very important difference:

Al-Anon is for family members and loved ones of alcoholics. NOT for alcoholics.

Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) is for the alcoholics themselves.

OP's DH should not go to Al-Anon but OP should. Immediately, after she makes the call to get her DH medical help. The DH sounds as if he truly needs medical intervention to detox, possibly followed by an inpatient addiction program. The level of consumption OP describes sounds like it's far too great for him just to go to AA and nothing else, at this point, but later he may need to start AA. First he needs to dry out. One to two bottles a night, even if it weren't every single night, is gravely serious drinking and he needs medical supervision to stop or he may become extremely ill.

If he drinks 5 nights a week that’s 5 bottles of wine per week and 20 per month. That’s a lot!


It sounds like he drinks 7 nights per week so it’s even worse than you say…30+ bottles of wine per month (even up to 60+ if it’s really more like 2 bottles a night)

OP said 1-2 bottles/night. So, let's say 10/week. Even at cheapish wine, that's a lot of money, like 5-6k/year. But its also way over the upper limit of what has been called "safe" consumption, of 14 drinks/week for men. (Many now say there is no safe limit, alcohol is a carcinogen among other things).

I'm writing this from the perspective of someone who had dated/lived with an alcoholic but I didn't recognize it as such in my early 30s (I did understand he 'drank too much,' I didn't understand what it was actually like to be addicted to alcohol, how easy it is to slip from a regular drinker to someone with AUD) and from having lost someone else to suicide, which was the result of long term alcohol abuse, the mental illness and severe depression it created and his failure to stay sober despite his strong desire to do so and, really, the way that he had destroyed so much of his life because of the addiction (and yes, there were multiple expensive rehabs, etc). So very sad.