Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's very hard to raise a child as a single parent. Have you many relatvies nearby who can and want to help? Otherwise wouldn't advise to keep.

No it isn’t. It’s 1/2 the work of having a baby and a man in your life.

Now it expensive I’ll give you that.

Only for certain types of women. For the vast majority, a father is a huge help and is also inherently better for the child. It's simple math -- two caregivers are better than one.

Now, granted, there's a subset of control freak women who think men are incapable and so they basically nitpick and complain and micromanage and feel put-out that he's not "helping her" even though she's discounting his efforts and contributions and acting like she's in charge. Those ones tend to think it's half as easier without a partner.

Anonymous wrote:If you want to be a mother keep the child you don’t know if that will be your only chance in life. If he doesn’t want you to keep the child then you can come to an agreement with him so that he won’t be have to pay child support and he will never be involved in the child’s life. But don’t take my advice because I am a man and this is your body your choice. I wish you luck though either way.

Why did you assume the OP is a person with the capacity to give birth? Maybe OP is the man.

Anonymous wrote:Literally…what now? We don’t know each other very well, it was an ugly but mutual ‘this isn’t what either of us want’ breakup. But now there’s a kid inbound, confirmed by a doctor.

Su uh…anyone been in this situation? Both of us are financially stable and could reasonably raise a kid. Both have also had the tough ‘do we keep it’ talk. I’m feeling a bit lost

I would abort. Without hesitation. No way I would want the rest of my life tied to this guy.

No birth control option is 100% effective and ~40% of pregnancies in the US are unintended. So PPs who are blaming the OP without knowing details should get off their high horses. I suspect there are more unintended pregnancies among your friends and families than you suspect- people just don’t tell to avoid judgement.

OP- good luck with whatever decision you make. As a parent of a kid with a slew of diagnoses, also given some thought to how you would handle a kid with special needs.

My answer would have been so different at 18, 28, or 38. I definitely would have aborted at 18 if my parents were supportive, probably would have at 28 if I were single like OP because I wasn't financially stable but would have felt awful because I wanted kids at that point, and probably would have had the kid at 38 because being a mom is important to me.

So many variables, OP, and neither choice is right or wrong, you just have to do what you can live with. Go with your gut.

I’m actually astonished at the nastiness in some of these responses (and I’ve been reading DCUM for a long time). Wow, how is it helpful to castigate OP? Sometimes birth control fails. People are imperfect.

It’s impossible to give advice without knowing more. How old are you, OP? Are you financially stable? Is your job family friendly? Do you have family support? My advice at 22 vs. 35 would be different.

For what it is worth, I am the product of my mom’s short term relationship with my dad when they were 19. They then got married and had a very short, very unhappy marriage - but managed to be reasonably good parents and give me a good life. They still can’t stand each other all these years later.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I get pregnant very easily, easy pregnancies . Pregnant first time trying at 32, 35 and 38

And still!!!! I never got pregnant with a prior boyfriend or had an unwanted pregnancy:

I learned about prevention in middle school sex Ed. I was on the Pill and took it religiously (pre-Mirena,etc).

It’s weird to read so many woman getting pregnant while dating or hooking up with randos. If you are too dumb to use birth control, the child isn’t going to care well …

Some are just immature and shouldnt be having sex.

Nature disagrees!

Anonymous wrote:I get pregnant very easily, easy pregnancies . Pregnant first time trying at 32, 35 and 38

And still!!!! I never got pregnant with a prior boyfriend or had an unwanted pregnancy:

I learned about prevention in middle school sex Ed. I was on the Pill and took it religiously (pre-Mirena,etc).

It’s weird to read so many woman getting pregnant while dating or hooking up with randos. If you are too dumb to use birth control, the child isn’t going to care well …

This is so judgmental. There by the grace of God, you know? It also helps that you were able to take the pill. I can’t take hormonal bc because of stroke risk, so condoms are my best option, and the guy has to participate in using them correctly.

People get pregnant accidentally not because everyone except you is so dumb, but because at a population level, even a small chance of bc failure means a lot of accidental pregnancies.

I get pregnant very easily, easy pregnancies . Pregnant first time trying at 32, 35 and 38

And still!!!! I never got pregnant with a prior boyfriend or had an unwanted pregnancy:

I learned about prevention in middle school sex Ed. I was on the Pill and took it religiously (pre-Mirena,etc).

It’s weird to read so many woman getting pregnant while dating or hooking up with randos. If you are too dumb to use birth control, the child isn’t going to care well …

I knew a couple in this situation who met online, got pregnant after dating just a couple of months. They were both nearing 40 and he had means; they shockingly got married and even had another kid. Well, oldest kid is special needs, now kids are tweens, mom cheated on dad and they split, then tried to reconcile and are divorcing and unfortunately she also got cancer.

When in a similar situation, I got an abortion. This was 13 or 14 years ago, and I’ve never regretted that decision.

Anonymous wrote:It's very hard to raise a child as a single parent. Have you many relatvies nearby who can and want to help? Otherwise wouldn't advise to keep.

+1, even if you do have relatives nearby, it’s on you. The people who say they will help never do a fraction as much as they pretended they would. It will be all you, all the time.

Anonymous wrote:It's very hard to raise a child as a single parent. Have you many relatvies nearby who can and want to help? Otherwise wouldn't advise to keep.

No it isn’t. It’s 1/2 the work of having a baby and a man in your life.

Now it expensive I’ll give you that.

If it was an “ugly” breakup after only two months, I don’t imagine co-parenting will work out well - at all. Something is off there, in one of both of you. That’s not fair to this baby.

And how in the world did you not manage adequate contraception? Are you in your early 20s?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I could never abort in that situation, but many people obviously would. Your child could also be extremely easily placed via adoption — this is literally most adoptive parents dream scenario (stable, non addict mother who genuinely voluntarily chooses not to parent despite having the means to), if you wanted to go that route. It’s really ultimately how you personally feel about it.

NP, I would so much rather have an abortion than know my child is somewhere out there in the world in the care of strangers. I have no problem terminating the growth of a few cells, but it would kill me to carry a pregnancy to term and then hand over my baby. Call me selfish. I don’t care. You have to be very cold to just hand over your living, breathing baby and go on like nothing happened.

I agree, I would think about them and imagine what it would’ve been like frequently.

+1

Most people cannot do this: carry a baby, deal with the morning sickness and other stresses, attend doctor's appointments, modify their diet and lifestyle, and then just give the baby away.

+100. Seriously-I hate when people are all casually like “just give the baby up for adoption”. Like-the amount of physical and emotional stress involved in a pregnancy is not casual. Everyone around you will know you are pregnant and ask you questions. It’s not as easy at all and it’s a very big deal. And it’s about 6 billion times more traumatic for the mother than an abortion. And also, as if people aren’t aware of that option? Like you just suggested something nobody has ever thought about before? Give me a break.