Dr. Becky is focused on younger kids but she talks about deeply feeling kids as ones where vulnerability and shame sit right beside each other. That’s my kid too. She can’t stand it when I say she’s sick or acknowledge that she’s sad. Fwiw, mine has ASD, ADHD, and anxiety.

I haven't read the replies. My kid who used to be a bit like this has ADHD and Anxiety. When we dealt with the anxiety, which took years to get to an acceptable baseline, this stuff went away. Or it got down to a totally manageable and acceptable level.

My husband had a lot of trouble seeing the Anxiety at first because he came across as super confident in an I-know-better-than-you-do kind of way. But the rigidity and intensity were there, and the ADHD surely contributed to the lack of awareness of this tone or attitude on others. Again, once the Anxiety was managed, he looked very different.

Sounds very similar to my ASD DS who hates anything being pointed out that’s “not ok”. I wonder whether some of the added stress might also come from her maturing. My DD of the same age was absolutely panic-stricken at the expected changes in her body as she enters adolescence. She had heard some of the other girls talk in her class, and we went through a year of panicky expectation that something might not be going right or that she might not manage the changes well. Translate that into an ASD brain, and it’s denial and “I’m fine” as the anxiety is externalized in fight or flight.

This thread has helped me a lot. -NP