Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If this were my kid i would back far away from this club and possibly even travel soccer as a whole. Youve made him believe his identity is tied up in being on the best team and nothing else matters. "Best team" is highly subjective and he is 9, so this attitude is very misguided. Honestly maybe bail, join a rec team for the spring and also add in another sport to remind him that its meant to be fun. Try something he hasnt done before so that he isnt the best and learns to enjoy it and grow. Flag football, basketball, swim, golf, lacrosse, whatever. Try out for another soccer club for the next year, with renewed passion.

A good soccer player should go play another sport he's not good at to boost his confidence and self-esteem?

DP. I think what PP is saying is that a 9 year old’s identity and self-esteem should not be so tied up in which soccer team they are on. It’s not good to put all of your eggs in one basket at such a young age. It will feel like your world is falling apart if you make one sport or activity your whole world. A 9 year old doesn’t have the emotional maturity of a teen or young adult who has tried different things and made a decision to specialize for the purpose of college or pro level playing. It’s too much pressure on a young kid. If a kid has the tendency to be intense, it’s the parent’s job to help them gain perspective on sports and life.

While I agree kids should play other sports, it doesn't mean they should quit one sport and focus on another. It's very easy to play more than one sport but still have focus on a main one. My neighbor's kids both plays two sports, but their main sports are hockey and volleyball. On the side they play soccer and track. But, when travel season comes around it's hockey and volleyball. Also, all these parents assuming there is pressure on kids are 100% guessing. You'd be surprised how many kids I know just love playing sports. Heck a kid down the street from me plays hockey nonstop and he loves it. Even has practice at 6am on Friday (yes, 6am) and he wakes up by himself! He loves the sport. There is nothing wrong with a kid focusing on one sport. Too many parents think a kid has to do X amount of sports. Not always. There's many different ways to raise a kid and many ways a kid develops.

The problem with a kid focusing on one sport (and I say this is the parent of a child who's obsessed with one) is that they're one injury away from losing their entire identity.

Anonymous wrote:A 9 year old practices every day and had a private coach and thinks the other 9 year olds on his team arent dedicated enough? He sounds insufferable. Hes 9. If hes unhappy on the team stop and do something else instead. I think youve contributed to his depression by making this a much bigger deal than it is.

You've never been on a poorly coached team by your response. Our kids have been on teams where only half the players show up for games and skip 50% of practices. It's not fun when the coach has to coach to the lowest skill level. Also not fun when there are no subs during games. Sounds a lot like jealous parents of kids who have a lot of potential and have the self motivation to be better.

The inflation of intensity of youth travel sports has created this level of importance they think this has on their life. Daily practice, private coaches, travel teams…of course he’s going to think that he’s the next Ronaldo…and now he’s realizing he’s not

Anonymous wrote:If this were my kid i would back far away from this club and possibly even travel soccer as a whole. Youve made him believe his identity is tied up in being on the best team and nothing else matters. "Best team" is highly subjective and he is 9, so this attitude is very misguided. Honestly maybe bail, join a rec team for the spring and also add in another sport to remind him that its meant to be fun. Try something he hasnt done before so that he isnt the best and learns to enjoy it and grow. Flag football, basketball, swim, golf, lacrosse, whatever. Try out for another soccer club for the next year, with renewed passion.

This reply reads of way too many assumptions. You must not have kids who love playing sports. Perhaps my neighborhood is odd, but most of the kids on my street play sports and it's their main hobby aside from maybe Minecraft. During breaks they go to a house and play outside, etc. I don't understand these parents replying with all these assumptions. Some kids just want to do better because they want it. It's not always the parents so assuming it is reflects more on the poster than the kid.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If this were my kid i would back far away from this club and possibly even travel soccer as a whole. Youve made him believe his identity is tied up in being on the best team and nothing else matters. "Best team" is highly subjective and he is 9, so this attitude is very misguided. Honestly maybe bail, join a rec team for the spring and also add in another sport to remind him that its meant to be fun. Try something he hasnt done before so that he isnt the best and learns to enjoy it and grow. Flag football, basketball, swim, golf, lacrosse, whatever. Try out for another soccer club for the next year, with renewed passion.

A good soccer player should go play another sport he's not good at to boost his confidence and self-esteem?

DP. I think what PP is saying is that a 9 year old’s identity and self-esteem should not be so tied up in which soccer team they are on. It’s not good to put all of your eggs in one basket at such a young age. It will feel like your world is falling apart if you make one sport or activity your whole world. A 9 year old doesn’t have the emotional maturity of a teen or young adult who has tried different things and made a decision to specialize for the purpose of college or pro level playing. It’s too much pressure on a young kid. If a kid has the tendency to be intense, it’s the parent’s job to help them gain perspective on sports and life.

While I agree kids should play other sports, it doesn't mean they should quit one sport and focus on another. It's very easy to play more than one sport but still have focus on a main one. My neighbor's kids both plays two sports, but their main sports are hockey and volleyball. On the side they play soccer and track. But, when travel season comes around it's hockey and volleyball. Also, all these parents assuming there is pressure on kids are 100% guessing. You'd be surprised how many kids I know just love playing sports. Heck a kid down the street from me plays hockey nonstop and he loves it. Even has practice at 6am on Friday (yes, 6am) and he wakes up by himself! He loves the sport. There is nothing wrong with a kid focusing on one sport. Too many parents think a kid has to do X amount of sports. Not always. There's many different ways to raise a kid and many ways a kid develops.

Both my kids play travel soccer and they love it. My younger son is technically a stronger player than my oldest and he's guest played up several times. The coaches love him because he enjoying practices and never complains about anything. As they say he's "very coachable".

Similar to OP he wanted to move up to the next team but his coach didn't want to lose him. Understandable so we spoke with both the coaches (current and one team up). We agreed he would train with the level up team during the week and play games with his current team. However, he is open to guest playing up at any time.

As some of mentioned, many clubs don't want to lose strong players they see great potential in. Good luck and there's nothing wrong with a parent stepping in. Kids can't speak for themselves at this age and that's why parents are there. As long as communication is professional and focused on the kid's development everyone should be good.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If this were my kid i would back far away from this club and possibly even travel soccer as a whole. Youve made him believe his identity is tied up in being on the best team and nothing else matters. "Best team" is highly subjective and he is 9, so this attitude is very misguided. Honestly maybe bail, join a rec team for the spring and also add in another sport to remind him that its meant to be fun. Try something he hasnt done before so that he isnt the best and learns to enjoy it and grow. Flag football, basketball, swim, golf, lacrosse, whatever. Try out for another soccer club for the next year, with renewed passion.

A good soccer player should go play another sport he's not good at to boost his confidence and self-esteem?

DP. I think what PP is saying is that a 9 year old’s identity and self-esteem should not be so tied up in which soccer team they are on. It’s not good to put all of your eggs in one basket at such a young age. It will feel like your world is falling apart if you make one sport or activity your whole world. A 9 year old doesn’t have the emotional maturity of a teen or young adult who has tried different things and made a decision to specialize for the purpose of college or pro level playing. It’s too much pressure on a young kid. If a kid has the tendency to be intense, it’s the parent’s job to help them gain perspective on sports and life.

Anonymous wrote:If this were my kid i would back far away from this club and possibly even travel soccer as a whole. Youve made him believe his identity is tied up in being on the best team and nothing else matters. "Best team" is highly subjective and he is 9, so this attitude is very misguided. Honestly maybe bail, join a rec team for the spring and also add in another sport to remind him that its meant to be fun. Try something he hasnt done before so that he isnt the best and learns to enjoy it and grow. Flag football, basketball, swim, golf, lacrosse, whatever. Try out for another soccer club for the next year, with renewed passion.

A good soccer player should go play another sport he's not good at to boost his confidence and self-esteem?

If this were my kid i would back far away from this club and possibly even travel soccer as a whole. Youve made him believe his identity is tied up in being on the best team and nothing else matters. "Best team" is highly subjective and he is 9, so this attitude is very misguided. Honestly maybe bail, join a rec team for the spring and also add in another sport to remind him that its meant to be fun. Try something he hasnt done before so that he isnt the best and learns to enjoy it and grow. Flag football, basketball, swim, golf, lacrosse, whatever. Try out for another soccer club for the next year, with renewed passion.

find a new team for the spring. easy peasy.

Bail to another club, mid season, if you can get in for some practices. As was pointed out, the rosters are expanding, there is only so much talent. If you DS is good for a top team, this won’t be hard.

I’ve learned relatively quickly that there may be some good hearts in youth soccer administration, but most, will always put themselves first. And that’s OK. You should too. The carousel of coaches, directors, and staff is pretty funny. And then watching them bring along their friends is even more funny. Don’t trap yourself with a false sense of loyalty.

Do what makes your son happy and helps him develop best as a player.

Have you talked to the coach? Could your 9 year old son start learning what it's like to "lead/captain" a team? But that starts with attitude towards the situation. Find the silver lining and the areas he can grow at in this situation. Esp. at this young age.

The fact is it’s not unusual for clubs to string kids along with promises they will move up. It’s also, in our experience, not unusual for kids to not be moved up because the lower team needs them (this happened to my son at u14). Have you asked if he can guest play here and there on the higher team? This has been a frequent occurrence at the clubs my son played at, especially at younger ages. My son was always thrilled to get those invites. Otherwise, check out other teams. Most will let you come for a few training sessions. This exposure is helpful when tryouts roll around. I wish we had known this years ago.

Reach out to other clubs in the area. Many will have him join their practice session to see if he is good enough.

A 9 year old practices every day and had a private coach and thinks the other 9 year olds on his team arent dedicated enough? He sounds insufferable. Hes 9. If hes unhappy on the team stop and do something else instead. I think youve contributed to his depression by making this a much bigger deal than it is.