Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think all of these things are true:

*Women shouldn't withhold sex to get what they want.

*Men shouldn't assume that women who don't want to have sex are withholding sex to get what they want.

*Women shouldn't have sex they don't want.

*Women should understand that marriages without sex often result in divorce.

*Men should understand that sometimes they need to do nonsexual things that are beneficial to their wife in order to create an environment more conducive to her wanting to have sex.

Post this on every Relationships thread, and watch it have no effect on anything.

I'm used to typing into the void, so maybe!

I never withhold sex in order to get something for it in return. That would be a relationship buster at least in my world. My husband knows what frequency works for me and he’s very good about initiating or warming me up to it early in the day so I can really get in the mood. I initiate quite often and while he has infrequently taken a pass he has never withheld it to punish me for something.

Ok but let me ask if the husband is being unreasonable lets say. Or the wife is more of a mom or lets just say she is in control. Maybe thats the reason why she withholds. Idk just a thought look we know it does happen so.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel so triggered by these threads because my husband is the one who has withheld sex at various times in the marriage and I genuinely felt at times that he was using it as a bargaining chip. Where are all these husbands who want sex all the time and how did I end up with this rare bird who doesn’t??!? It’s really not ok to withhold and I feel bad for any man who goes through that. Even if you are not at your happiest, once you start you can get in the mood.

Lol I love how you say this like it's new information to us and that it's some kind of simple solution. "oh geeze if only someone had told me to be open to sex even when I wasn't super aroused maybe my husband and I wouldn't have argued about it for six months." I figured out this basic fact of human sexuality when I was 17. Sorry for what you're going through but you have a simplistic understanding of sex and you should learn more about it.

Not pp but you are way overcomplicating it. If you are arguing with your husband and not having sex for 6 months at a time, perhaps you should get to the bottom of what the issue is. It's not normal to not be in a mood for 6 months at a time if you're healthy.

You missed my point. My point was that PP has a very shallow understanding of human sexuality if she thinks that the problem is that people are unaware that you can get in the mood after a few minutes of intimacy. That's so condescending.

You've made a bunch of odd assumptions about my life but you're so far off base it's not worth trying to correct you.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel so triggered by these threads because my husband is the one who has withheld sex at various times in the marriage and I genuinely felt at times that he was using it as a bargaining chip. Where are all these husbands who want sex all the time and how did I end up with this rare bird who doesn’t??!? It’s really not ok to withhold and I feel bad for any man who goes through that. Even if you are not at your happiest, once you start you can get in the mood.

Lol I love how you say this like it's new information to us and that it's some kind of simple solution. "oh geeze if only someone had told me to be open to sex even when I wasn't super aroused maybe my husband and I wouldn't have argued about it for six months." I figured out this basic fact of human sexuality when I was 17. Sorry for what you're going through but you have a simplistic understanding of sex and you should learn more about it.

Not pp but you are way overcomplicating it. If you are arguing with your husband and not having sex for 6 months at a time, perhaps you should get to the bottom of what the issue is. It's not normal to not be in a mood for 6 months at a time if you're healthy.

Anonymous wrote:I feel so triggered by these threads because my husband is the one who has withheld sex at various times in the marriage and I genuinely felt at times that he was using it as a bargaining chip. Where are all these husbands who want sex all the time and how did I end up with this rare bird who doesn’t??!? It’s really not ok to withhold and I feel bad for any man who goes through that. Even if you are not at your happiest, once you start you can get in the mood.

Lol I love how you say this like it's new information to us and that it's some kind of simple solution. "oh geeze if only someone had told me to be open to sex even when I wasn't super aroused maybe my husband and I wouldn't have argued about it for six months." I figured out this basic fact of human sexuality when I was 17. Sorry for what you're going through but you have a simplistic understanding of sex and you should learn more about it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I genuinely get triggered when I hear men complain about their wives withholding sex, as though their wives are obligated to sleep with them, no matter what, just because they got married. I've had a period of low libido and my husband accused me of manipulating him to get him to change what he was doing because I did't want to have sex. But sex wasn't even on my mind! I was just depressed! It made me so mad.

But I know there are women who use sex to get what they want. Probably more than I think, just because it's such a foreign concept to me. I think it's awful. Unless it's some agreement that they have made with their husband, like they are sex workers or something.

By that token it's not a man's responsibility to work and pay for everything even though the couple are married. Oh, wait. If he doesn't work and support the family the wife will just file for divorce and say he's a deadbeat...

It's not a man's responsibility to work and pay for everything unless the couple has decided on that. People typically have conversations about roles, and these days a man paying for everything is quite rare.

+1

I make 3x what my DH does.

Does PP hail from 1952?

Then your DH might be willing to settle for that if you don't have sex with him.

Our marriage is not transactional.

Anonymous wrote:I feel so triggered by these threads because my husband is the one who has withheld sex at various times in the marriage and I genuinely felt at times that he was using it as a bargaining chip. Where are all these husbands who want sex all the time and how did I end up with this rare bird who doesn’t??!? It’s really not ok to withhold and I feel bad for any man who goes through that. Even if you are not at your happiest, once you start you can get in the mood.

What was his reasons for taking sex away?

I feel so triggered by these threads because my husband is the one who has withheld sex at various times in the marriage and I genuinely felt at times that he was using it as a bargaining chip. Where are all these husbands who want sex all the time and how did I end up with this rare bird who doesn’t??!? It’s really not ok to withhold and I feel bad for any man who goes through that. Even if you are not at your happiest, once you start you can get in the mood.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I genuinely get triggered when I hear men complain about their wives withholding sex, as though their wives are obligated to sleep with them, no matter what, just because they got married. I've had a period of low libido and my husband accused me of manipulating him to get him to change what he was doing because I did't want to have sex. But sex wasn't even on my mind! I was just depressed! It made me so mad.

But I know there are women who use sex to get what they want. Probably more than I think, just because it's such a foreign concept to me. I think it's awful. Unless it's some agreement that they have made with their husband, like they are sex workers or something.

By that token it's not a man's responsibility to work and pay for everything even though the couple are married. Oh, wait. If he doesn't work and support the family the wife will just file for divorce and say he's a deadbeat...

It's not a man's responsibility to work and pay for everything unless the couple has decided on that. People typically have conversations about roles, and these days a man paying for everything is quite rare.

+1

I make 3x what my DH does.

Does PP hail from 1952?

Then your DH might be willing to settle for that if you don't have sex with him.

Anonymous wrote:I think all of these things are true:

*Women shouldn't withhold sex to get what they want.

*Men shouldn't assume that women who don't want to have sex are withholding sex to get what they want.

*Women shouldn't have sex they don't want.

*Women should understand that marriages without sex often result in divorce.

*Men should understand that sometimes they need to do nonsexual things that are beneficial to their wife in order to create an environment more conducive to her wanting to have sex.

Post this on every Relationships thread, and watch it have no effect on anything.

Anonymous wrote:Waiting for when a SAHM is okay with a man not working and not paying the mortgage and bills... He's not obligated to.

How many times are you going to post this shit? No one is disagreeing with you that a man is not obligated to financially support his wife.

Omg!!! He shouldnt be allowed to have sex!!!

Waiting for when a SAHM is okay with a man not working and not paying the mortgage and bills... He's not obligated to.

There was silent treatment, pushing if I happened to pass by too close, making faces as I walked by. I can't tell you which one came first though- not wanting to have sex or his behavior. It was controlling long ago, so probably his behavior. At times I was hiding under the bed and closet so he would understand that I'm not kidding when I tell you I don't want to have sex.
He said it was my duty and we were not even married. There was hardly ever any foreplay and attraction was long gone. His need for sex stayed and he got some blue bills to help since I wasn't willing to be involved. So him and his doctor decided it had to be done to me. I thought blue bills are in case two people want to do it and need help.
I hated sex.
I left. A year later friends hooked me up wit their friend and sex is awesome.
Don't have sex with someone who doesn't want to have sex with you. Who cares what the reason is - be it withholding though I doubt it's that as often as thought.