Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am doing this right now. No formal agreement. He sleeps downstairs. We interact basically to talk kids logistics. Two kids in upper elementary. I am carving out my own life. Kids have a happy parent 100 percent of the time instead of one 50 percent. I am fully disengaged from him. Kids love us both and also know that he is unhappy but loves them in his own way.

You need a formal agreement if you want to get the formal clock going on filing for divorce.

No, you need a date. The agreement can be done at any time up to filing as long as you have an established date.

Almost no one does a formal separation agreement. They immediately work on a property settlement agreement and that can be signed anytime right before filing what you need to do with establish a valid separation date that’s it.

People reading please get an attorney for consults before listening to people on this board that have no idea what they’re talking about.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One thing is you need to have someone come out and observe you in the environment who's willing to attest to it in a court affidavit.

This is not true. You claim a date for separation and agree to it.

I had to have an affidavit signed. Yes we agreed to the date. In VA

It was awful. My kids said it was awful. Super awkward for them. But this was during lockdown so it might be better now.
I don’t have advice but I’m sure it’s workable in certain situations. Probably requires legit boundaries and firm schedule. Im sorry You’re in this situation. Hope your son is ok.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One thing is you need to have someone come out and observe you in the environment who's willing to attest to it in a court affidavit.

This is not true. You claim a date for separation and agree to it.

Per my attorney, the courts don't really ask for this any longer in this region (NoVa) bc they get how expensive it is. But they do tend to ask for this more in lower col regions of the state.

That said, I did have a friend come over to the house and take a few pics on her phone of our new sleeping setup and then email them to me with a few sentences about what she saw. Just in case.

Anonymous wrote:How does it work as far as groceries, bills etc?

We had a credit card for family expenses and we split the bill.

I paid it and he transferred money,

Anonymous wrote:I am doing this right now. No formal agreement. He sleeps downstairs. We interact basically to talk kids logistics. Two kids in upper elementary. I am carving out my own life. Kids have a happy parent 100 percent of the time instead of one 50 percent. I am fully disengaged from him. Kids love us both and also know that he is unhappy but loves them in his own way.

You need a formal agreement if you want to get the formal clock going on filing for divorce.

Anonymous wrote:How does it work as far as groceries, bills etc?

We have a credit card we are both authorized users on that we use to buy anything kid/house related and then pay it off each month. My attorney said this was ok. In Va the clock starts running on your 12 mo separation on the day of your physical separation, not your financial separation. Although obviously the financial separation must be complete before you divorce.

Ill be honest, we have been lazier about separating expenses then we would if we lived apart. For instance, I have had “open my own checking acct” on my to do list for two months and just havent done so yet.

However our divorce is amicable (as amicable as you can get) and we both are 100000% committed to making this easy on the kids. If my husband had cheated on me or there was abuse or another awful circumstance, what we are doing would be impossible.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For those of you have continued to live together while being separated, how did you make it work? I need to continue to live with DH for a variety of reasons including our DS's medical needs. thanks.

We had a large enough house that I moved into the in-law apartment downstairs. We barely interacted, as is required. It wasn't pleasant but it saved money, although that savings was a pittance in the great cost of asset division and alimony. At least the alimony was low and shortened because she was a cheating wwwhorrrre.

Did you have kids at home?

Yes, two teenagers.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For those of you have continued to live together while being separated, how did you make it work? I need to continue to live with DH for a variety of reasons including our DS's medical needs. thanks.

We had a large enough house that I moved into the in-law apartment downstairs. We barely interacted, as is required. It wasn't pleasant but it saved money, although that savings was a pittance in the great cost of asset division and alimony. At least the alimony was low and shortened because she was a cheating wwwhorrrre.

so the agreement spells out how much you can interact?

How much you interact is by state law.

Good primer: https://www.livesaymyers.com/in-home-separation-virginia/#:~:text=The%20parties%20should%20tell%20family,to%20these%20facts%20under%20oath.

Anonymous wrote:One thing is you need to have someone come out and observe you in the environment who's willing to attest to it in a court affidavit.

This is not true. You claim a date for separation and agree to it.

One thing is you need to have someone come out and observe you in the environment who's willing to attest to it in a court affidavit.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For those of you have continued to live together while being separated, how did you make it work? I need to continue to live with DH for a variety of reasons including our DS's medical needs. thanks.

We had a large enough house that I moved into the in-law apartment downstairs. We barely interacted, as is required. It wasn't pleasant but it saved money, although that savings was a pittance in the great cost of asset division and alimony. At least the alimony was low and shortened because she was a cheating wwwhorrrre.

so the agreement spells out how much you can interact?

How much you interact is by state law.