I would have moved to a more family-friendly area before having kids. We're moving now but should have done it years ago and it's harder to move after your kids are a bit older, are in school, and have friends. We talked about it but thought it wouldn't be that big of a deal and in retrospect I think it's really made everything about our lives harder for no particularly good reason.

I would have stood up for myself more when I was pregnant and in the first year after becoming a mom instead of being steamrolled by my spouse, mom, and ILs, all of whom regularly just ignored my needs and opinions. I eventually learned to stand up for myself, but I went through a lot of grief during those two years because I was trying too hard to make other people happy and wasn't doing what I needed to take care of myself. Resulted in PPD, a huge step back in my career, and just generally struggling during a time that should have been about our family coming together.

I've also made mistakes as a parent akin to what OP is talking about, especially around learning when to hold the line with kids. But I think I had to go through it, I've learned from it and so have my kids, and in general I think we found the right balance. We have really healthy relationships between kids and adults in our family, but also the kids are well-behaved, listen to us, and trust just us to make good decisions for them while also being understanding and taking they preferences into account when it makes sense. I especially struggled with my oldest but being a parent is a bit of a trial by fire and I think you kind of have to make those mistakes to understand how to do it. I am really not convinced that anyone gets it exactly right from the start.

Anonymous wrote:My inclination as a mom runs counter to this but I wish they weren't so sheltered. I can tell them about many things but it's not the same as experience. I appreciate their innocence but it's not for this world.

How did you shelter them?

My inclination as a mom runs counter to this but I wish they weren't so sheltered. I can tell them about many things but it's not the same as experience. I appreciate their innocence but it's not for this world.

Addressing my own mental health sooner.

Way fewer toys for Christmas and birthdays.

Been wayyyy wayyyy easier on myself

Finally addressed my own childhood stuff so it didn't spill out in unexpected ways.

Not force myself to try to breastfeed and pump, and do formula right away. And not beat myself up about that.

Not make special meals for a picky kid, should have done everyone eats the same thing rule.

Done a little more practice with letters and reading before K. My kid started with a bunch of kids who were taught to read already and had to “catch up” (we are not in dc area, our school district expects reading in K). Kid has caught up and then some but I spent tons of time doing work with her.

Anonymous wrote:To those saying limit screens- what age would you have started?

+1

Or looking back, what would you have done differently here, specifically? Started at a different age? Delayed things like social media? Imposed stricter limits? My kids are little and I can see this coming and hear so much conflicting advice on how to handle.

To those saying limit screens- what age would you have started?

Have one child or move close to family because living 8 hours away from anyone. We are related to sucks for so many reasons..... Holidays, birthdays, free help on the occasional busy work night.......

100% agree with all those saying no social media at all, and to limit screen time.

Also, ignore all the TikTok mommies here who will try to guilt you by alleging “your tween / teen will be left out if they are not on social media!”

Trust me - the social media crowd your kid will be left out of are exactly the kids you really do not want your kid around.

(1) Less screens, more reading. It was just too easy to hand them over to their screens.

(2) Be a better example re: meal portion size. I'm a well above average size male (height and weight) and I have daughters. They see me go for seconds and they think they can/should as well.

I would have made certain that they were fluent in our native language also and knew the script too. That is the only thing I regret. Otherwise they are bilingual.

Otherwise, extremely proud of how my kids turned out. They are good kids, moral, kind, empathic, high achievers, strategic, socially aware and responsible, have good friends, do the right things, flexible thinkers, well informed, curious, healthy, balanced and I have no complaints at all.

Honestly nothing of significance. My three are married with kids and they are happy, successful, they are best friends and they like their parents. I do wish that I could have encouraged them to play the piano or something musical but it didn’t happen. We certainly had our teen challenges and I’m sure I screwed up but it’s all worked out over the long term. Presenting is not a spirit it’s a marathon.

Not too much.

More academics- something like the Russian maths program or kumon, perhaps.

Perhaps had them in private schools for middle and high school.

And definitely delayed/stricter rules on screen time. Though we were already relatively strict, we should have done more. Tbh it all went to hell during the pandemic.