Anonymous
Post 01/24/2024 09:17     Subject: When to meet his kids
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Have you guys talked marriage? I assume he's seriously considering you and wants to see how you and his kids interact before proceeding too long without assessing that.

If you don't see this guy as future husband potential, I wouldn't meet them at all.


It’s been 6 months. It’s not “serious” he just wants it to be easier and to have her sleep over.


It is serious. We are talking long term.


What does “long term” mean? Is he going to put you in the title on the house?

Because gurl, if he says “it’s serious” but he doesn’t do anything “serious” then it’s not “serious”.

See, you’re meeting the kids “to prove it’s serious”. Right? It’s a play.
Anonymous
Post 01/24/2024 09:17     Subject: When to meet his kids
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:As long as you weren't an affair partner, then you're good. It's honestly respectful.


I wasn’t an AP. They separated and filed over a year before I met him.

They filed but is it final? Is he actually divorced or just separated at this point OP?
Anonymous
Post 01/24/2024 09:17     Subject: When to meet his kids
Anonymous wrote:I wouldn’t, but I’m very clear on what I want. I have three teens and see no reason to involve them with my boyfriend/s. Last man I dated for a year and didn’t meet his kids because I didn’t want to. I have no interest in coparenting or cohabitating and we found plenty of time together.

So to me, yep I’d definitely not want to meet them. I don’t want to “hang out” and play family- I like to date as adults- so no need to meet kids really. Again- just me


I agree with this. It's too soon.
Anonymous
Post 01/24/2024 09:15     Subject: When to meet his kids
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Have you guys talked marriage? I assume he's seriously considering you and wants to see how you and his kids interact before proceeding too long without assessing that.

If you don't see this guy as future husband potential, I wouldn't meet them at all.


It’s been 6 months. It’s not “serious” he just wants it to be easier and to have her sleep over.


Not OP. You don’t know that. I’m about 6 months into a new relationship and my BF and I are very serious.


You are separated /divorced with children, dating new boyfriend and it’s six months months and you’re serious?
Anonymous
Post 01/24/2024 09:10     Subject: When to meet his kids
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Have you guys talked marriage? I assume he's seriously considering you and wants to see how you and his kids interact before proceeding too long without assessing that.

If you don't see this guy as future husband potential, I wouldn't meet them at all.


It’s been 6 months. It’s not “serious” he just wants it to be easier and to have her sleep over.


It is serious. We are talking long term.
Anonymous
Post 01/24/2024 09:09     Subject: Re:When to meet his kids
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:You bf sound like a moron and a bad father. Move on.


He’s not. He’s smart and a really good father.


Sounds like he's dying to tell his ex to rub her nose in it. Why does he have to tell her about you at all?


They co parent well. He wants to tell her and get her agreement before he tell the kids.
Anonymous
Post 01/24/2024 09:00     Subject: When to meet his kids
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Have you guys talked marriage? I assume he's seriously considering you and wants to see how you and his kids interact before proceeding too long without assessing that.

If you don't see this guy as future husband potential, I wouldn't meet them at all.


It’s been 6 months. It’s not “serious” he just wants it to be easier and to have her sleep over.


Not OP. You don’t know that. I’m about 6 months into a new relationship and my BF and I are very serious.
Anonymous
Post 01/24/2024 08:51     Subject: Re:When to meet his kids
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:You bf sound like a moron and a bad father. Move on.


He’s not. He’s smart and a really good father.


Sure he is. Then why does he need his gf who he has no material commitments with to meet his children? Is that a “good father” decision.

Is he divorced?
Anonymous
Post 01/24/2024 08:49     Subject: When to meet his kids
Anonymous wrote:Have you guys talked marriage? I assume he's seriously considering you and wants to see how you and his kids interact before proceeding too long without assessing that.

If you don't see this guy as future husband potential, I wouldn't meet them at all.


It’s been 6 months. It’s not “serious” he just wants it to be easier and to have her sleep over.
Anonymous
Post 01/24/2024 08:39     Subject: When to meet his kids
Too soon if divorce isn't final. Also, no sleepovers when they're over for awhile.
Anonymous
Post 01/24/2024 08:34     Subject: Re:When to meet his kids
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:You bf sound like a moron and a bad father. Move on.


He’s not. He’s smart and a really good father.


Sounds like he's dying to tell his ex to rub her nose in it. Why does he have to tell her about you at all?
Anonymous
Post 01/24/2024 08:32     Subject: When to meet his kids
Have you guys talked marriage? I assume he's seriously considering you and wants to see how you and his kids interact before proceeding too long without assessing that.

If you don't see this guy as future husband potential, I wouldn't meet them at all.
Anonymous
Post 01/24/2024 08:29     Subject: Re:When to meet his kids
They are teens. I know it’s “easier” for you but you are just an intruder/stranger in the house.

Is your convenience really more important than them feeling comfortable in their own home.

Because your not really asking to meet them your asking to sleep over when they are there.
Anonymous
Post 01/24/2024 08:25     Subject: When to meet his kids
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:It’s been almost 6 months. He is telling ex and them about me tonight and wants to be able to have me around.

IMO making our lives easier is not the priority here, kids should get a voice in timing and extent of exposure to dad’s girlfriend. Plus it seems early to me. Kids are teens. I’d be the first gf they’ve met.

Who’s right?

On one hand it’s not healthy for teens to think they can dictate their parents’ lives. On the other hand I’m sensitive to what they might feel.

Not my kids, not my choices. But, what does DCUM think?

They’re teens, the divorce is still fresh, and you’ll be the first gf they’ll meet? Take it slow, very slow. This is a recipe for them not to even give you a chance. Their dad is likely mistaken if he thinks he can just incorporate you into their lives seamlessly. He’s mainly thinking about his own wants and needs. Your instincts are correct; the kids should have some time to adjust to dad even having a gf before you’re introduced.


It sounds like the divorce has only been filed so the man isn’t even divorced yet. Slow the roll OP.
Anonymous
Post 01/24/2024 08:22     Subject: When to meet his kids
Anonymous wrote:It’s been almost 6 months. He is telling ex and them about me tonight and wants to be able to have me around.

IMO making our lives easier is not the priority here, kids should get a voice in timing and extent of exposure to dad’s girlfriend. Plus it seems early to me. Kids are teens. I’d be the first gf they’ve met.

Who’s right?

On one hand it’s not healthy for teens to think they can dictate their parents’ lives. On the other hand I’m sensitive to what they might feel.

Not my kids, not my choices. But, what does DCUM think?

They’re teens, the divorce is still fresh, and you’ll be the first gf they’ll meet? Take it slow, very slow. This is a recipe for them not to even give you a chance. Their dad is likely mistaken if he thinks he can just incorporate you into their lives seamlessly. He’s mainly thinking about his own wants and needs. Your instincts are correct; the kids should have some time to adjust to dad even having a gf before you’re introduced.