My kid who showed slightly less abrasive/more socially aware inclinations like this ended up in AAP, and it was a good thing for her. She probably IS finishing her work before anyone else and is bored…being in a smaller group of more academic peers where she’s actually challenged may be what she ultimately needs

At this point, however, you should talk to her about social cues and humility and practice some fake conversations

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:First, stop praising her for being “smart”—she is clearly not socially smart.

My kid is heads above the rest in school but I make it a point to not say anything that would encourage him to act like he’s better than others. My kid, as a result, never talks that way.

Ok don’t get too high on your horse pp. it’s so nice to think it’s all our parenting, but a lot of things like this are personality. That doesn’t mean op doesn’t need to be responsive, but it won’t end well to pat yourself on the back too much. Your kids thing will come.

DP. You sound like a cartoon villain. “You will get yours some day! Just you wait!” Lol.

Anonymous wrote:This has been quite the thread of people bragging about what non-braggarts their kids are.

If that’s how you want to interpret it. I see it as people sharing their experience of how not to raise a braggart.

I have sympathy for you, Op. my younger child is very advanced in reading and writing, but not in math. She will tell people if asked what she’s reading. She is 11 reading things I read in hs, and college. While she doesn’t brag, I have explicitly told her not to share things like this because it can make others feel bad or come across as arrogant. She understands and follows this advice. Not sure about AsD, but when kids are very intelligent, they often seem odd. My “genius” brother to this day brags about his scores, where he went to college, how many books he’s read, etc. and he has not amounted to much in life. He was constantly praised by parents and teachers growing up, but for other reasons had a poor self image (overweight, not successful, etc.) If you can gently correct her every time you see this behavior, and reinforce good behavior, I think she’ll get much better socially.

There is a girl in my kid’s grade who is like this. Both the girl and parents are so annoying. Our school has many bright and advanced children but this one particular girl seems to get a thrill out of being obnoxious. Lots of parents from top schools. Both the parents and the kid always thinks the girl is the smartest. I avoid them. At every chance they get, they talk about how to raise a gifted child and how their child is bored.

OP, it isn’t cute.

OP, has she experienced social repercussions yet? I have posted this before, but at this age, there are basically 3 main reasons why kids are not liked by others. Kids who don’t play fair or cheat, kids who don’t respect personal and physical boundaries, ie they don’t know when to stop, and kids that brag too much are pretty much universally disliked.

She might think that her observations are making her more likable, when it is in fact the opposite. I’m sure she gets “stop signals” from kids and adults, but she is not noticing them. You should explicitly tell her that people dislike that type of behavior and role play with her. I’m sure she is cute! But bragging too much will be considerably less cute when she is 9/10 and trying to navigate friendships.

This has been quite the thread of people bragging about what non-braggarts their kids are.

Geez everyone is harsh. As the mom of a boy that struggles in school I think it’s lovely that she is academically engaged and reads Shakespere even if she doesn’t understand it. Just gently correct her when she is being truly rude and encourage her love of school.

PS unless she has major struggles you didn’t bring up she’s not autistic. If she is autistic she apparently has no school struggles which is wonderful.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I dont think its too uncommon and think most of the posters on here claiming their kids never do that are clueless or in denial. Or maybe their kids are chill and clueless and they mistake that for good parenting.

My 8 year does this frequently and also has impulsive control issues, so can be super annoying. He doesn't really have friends tbh. We are direct with him and talk a lot about how his actions effect others and what it looks like to be kind or empathetic. He actually is often the smartest person in the room, which makes it hard to teach him how to react to that appropriately. I think it is partly a phase, partly personality, and partly compensating for feeling left out or inadequate in other areas.

You’re such a bitter crapsack. You think bright kids who aren’t obnoxious little sh!ts are rare? They aren’t. You’re just not capable of rearing one.

Wow, sweetie, you shouldn't take that tone with your mother.

As you can see OP, you need to nip this in the bud before your precocious DD becomes a conceited blowhard adult like half these PPs who I hope are satirical and not that self-unaware.

Anonymous wrote:I dont think its too uncommon and think most of the posters on here claiming their kids never do that are clueless or in denial. Or maybe their kids are chill and clueless and they mistake that for good parenting.

My 8 year does this frequently and also has impulsive control issues, so can be super annoying. He doesn't really have friends tbh. We are direct with him and talk a lot about how his actions effect others and what it looks like to be kind or empathetic. He actually is often the smartest person in the room, which makes it hard to teach him how to react to that appropriately. I think it is partly a phase, partly personality, and partly compensating for feeling left out or inadequate in other areas.

You’re such a bitter crapsack. You think bright kids who aren’t obnoxious little sh!ts are rare? They aren’t. You’re just not capable of rearing one.

OP your DD's intelligence is distracting you from the real issue here. She needs to learn social skills just like any other kid with ASD, a developmental delay, etc.

Help her with understanding others' point of view, being aware of her words and how other people receive them, and understanding how reciprocity works in conversations. Break conversations and situations down for her. She needs to observe other people, and practice.

Anonymous wrote:Most kids go through a bragging phase around 1sr-2nd grade, but most of them are bragging to each other (“I’m the best soccer player on my team” etc). Kids who brag about being smart often brag directly to adults because they’ve gotten positive attention for being precocious and they liked it.

It doesn’t mean you’ve necessarily modeled or directly caused it, any more than the braggy soccer player’s parents caused his bragging. (Sometimes? Sure. But mostly it’s just kids being kids.) But it does require direct intervention, teaching, and reminders.

https://melindawmoyer.substack.com/p/why-kids-boast-and-brag

Along with teaching not bragging, you can teach the replacement behaviors of humility and showing interest in others.

Thank you, this is very helpful.

I dont think its too uncommon and think most of the posters on here claiming their kids never do that are clueless or in denial. Or maybe their kids are chill and clueless and they mistake that for good parenting.

My 8 year does this frequently and also has impulsive control issues, so can be super annoying. He doesn't really have friends tbh. We are direct with him and talk a lot about how his actions effect others and what it looks like to be kind or empathetic. He actually is often the smartest person in the room, which makes it hard to teach him how to react to that appropriately. I think it is partly a phase, partly personality, and partly compensating for feeling left out or inadequate in other areas.

No one has brought this up, so I will - my DC with ASD was like this at that age.

Lack of social skills - they were not aware how these statements affected others. They were (are) very intelligent. They think that it is of the utmost importance that things are right (correcting people’s misspellings or mispronunciation- it is more important that the word is spelled/pronounced correctly, rather than being considerate of others’ feelings being corrected in public).

DC is high functioning & not diagnosed until later in elementary school when others matured socially & DC struggled.