Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Grandma needs to get told that if she keeps complaining about this, he'll switch to wanting to spend NO time with her at all.

Who treats people like that? That’s just plain cruelty.

I like someone’s idea of having grandma coming over to their house. I’m sure she’s lonely and he has more of a social life.

How far is her house? If it’s close maybe a weekly breakfast or lunch or dinner, whatever works for his schedule . It’s a tough transition when the grandkids are too busy.

It is not cruel to tell someone to stop being emotionally manipulative! It’s not cruel to explain that continuing to do this will make others avoid being a situation where you can subject them to this.

Boomers need to realize that you can’t treat people like crap just because you are a boomer. Not recognizing that a teenager isn’t going to want to spend every weekend at grannies and then being a jerk about it to the kid s just really selfish, bad yet typical boomer behavior!

You don't need to "explain" anything to a grandmother who has much more life experience than anyone else involved. She knows what teenagers were like 3x - she was one, she raised one, and she's a grandmother to one. You don't need to explain to her that if she acts in a certain way people won't want to engage with her. She's literally saying "unless you don't want to..." because she completely understands that's possible. She's acting this way for whatever her reasons are, either she's guilt-tripping or honestly saying it's fine if he doesn't want to see her (probably is the guilt trip), she understands the potential that he might see her less, because he's already seeing him less. It is what it is, the DS already has set a boundary by seeing her only once a month and rescheduling when necessary, so he's fine. If grandma's comments annoy him then he will see her less and grandma will either accept it or stop making so many comments.

Unpopular opinion but we kind of insisted on a certain amount of family time for our kids.

Just like we didn't let them blow all their gift money, allowance or summer job wages on candy, sneakers and video games.
Or allow them to spend all their time goofing around and not studying.
Kids need guidance with relationships and not just with peers
What it looked like was a lunch maybe once a month with grandma or hey why not call Grandpa and invite him to your game etc.

There's a lot of value in a relationship with the older generation.
And many times my kids would hear advice from Grandma/ grandpa or auntie and uncle that they didn't hear from me.

They're older now 21 and 23 and still talk about memories with grandparents and make time for them in your own.

I think the lunch thing is fabulous. And instead of lecturing your mom or getting petty as some have suggested.

Coach your son how to respond.

Suggest inviting grandma to a family dinner or game sometime.
Commiserate with your mom that you miss spending so much time with him

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One of the mistakes that many posters make is assuming that granny doesn’t get it that a teenager wants to do their own thing. She gets it, she just doesn’t care about his wants, needs or development more than what she wants. She ‘s taken a position that she’s entitled as the elder to always trump his needs so how dare he say no!

OP should talk to her son about not letting someone else try to manipulate or guilt them into doing something they don’t want to do and that people who do this are coming from a place of selfishness not love.

She gets it she also understands how fleeting time is unlike with her own children she realizes that she won't be around for the second part where he wants to spend time with her again.

Perhaps - and just like the PP says, because she understands how fleeting time is, she believes her wants and desires (not needs) should trump his.