Anonymous
Post 01/20/2024 16:01     Subject: Nanny wants to take 3-4 weeks off. What should I do?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thank you. We have always paid her when she traveled, but it also never happened when we needed her. We don’t take months off from work. DH has 4 weeks total and I work from home. In the summer I take the kids to my home country (not same as nanny) and between my parents and summer camps I am able to work from there. That is why we don’t need the nanny for 2.5 months in the summer. We are not super wealthy either and have been thinking about reducing the hours we pay our nanny, but haven’t done so for fear she would leave us for FT employment.

I understand that there are cultural differences at play here; I would never ask 1 month off to bury my parents.

She has not asked for paid leave, but I think she assumes we will pay her since we have always done that when she (and we) traveled even for extended time.

I think I will tell her we can’t afford to pay for a replacement on top of her salary and she can take 1 week off paid and the rest without pay.

She has already taken more than 10 days off since the year started.


She's already had 10 days off this year? There have only been 13 working days so far this year.


OP here and yes. As I said, mom very sick and nanny took almost every day off. She is also not working this Monday which would be her 10th day off:


Almost every day? Now I'm confused. Her mom wasn't overseas when she died? It sounded like she lived outside the US.


No, mom lived in a city nearby (2 hours away). She was at the hospital and nanny went twice (or theee times) since the new year. Each time she would stay several days with her mom. This past week nanny was with the mom and then mom passed away. Nanny wants to bring her mom to her home country to be buried there in 2 weeks.

So I am left with finding a new nanny or flying my parents here. My parents can probably come, but they are still working (a little), have a dog, have other business they need to take care of so it’s not a sure thing.


They have 2 weeks to figure out what to do with the dog and any other business. Buy the tickets now. You are not expected to pay the nanny while she is out on leave for a month. The nanny knows this. The woman’s mother just died. Stop judging her for needed time off to bury her in another country. If a month is too long for your parents, ask the nanny about taking 3 weeks. That’s fair and reasonable.
Anonymous
Post 01/20/2024 15:59     Subject: Nanny wants to take 3-4 weeks off. What should I do?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thank you. We have always paid her when she traveled, but it also never happened when we needed her. We don’t take months off from work. DH has 4 weeks total and I work from home. In the summer I take the kids to my home country (not same as nanny) and between my parents and summer camps I am able to work from there. That is why we don’t need the nanny for 2.5 months in the summer. We are not super wealthy either and have been thinking about reducing the hours we pay our nanny, but haven’t done so for fear she would leave us for FT employment.

I understand that there are cultural differences at play here; I would never ask 1 month off to bury my parents.

She has not asked for paid leave, but I think she assumes we will pay her since we have always done that when she (and we) traveled even for extended time.

I think I will tell her we can’t afford to pay for a replacement on top of her salary and she can take 1 week off paid and the rest without pay.

She has already taken more than 10 days off since the year started.


She's already had 10 days off this year? There have only been 13 working days so far this year.


OP here and yes. As I said, mom very sick and nanny took almost every day off. She is also not working this Monday which would be her 10th day off:


Almost every day? Now I'm confused. Her mom wasn't overseas when she died? It sounded like she lived outside the US.


No, mom lived in a city nearby (2 hours away). She was at the hospital and nanny went twice (or theee times) since the new year. Each time she would stay several days with her mom. This past week nanny was with the mom and then mom passed away. Nanny wants to bring her mom to her home country to be buried there in 2 weeks.

So I am left with finding a new nanny or flying my parents here. My parents can probably come, but they are still working (a little), have a dog, have other business they need to take care of so it’s not a sure thing.


Trial run at daycare? Wouldn't that be cheaper anyway than a nanny?

Now I'm particularly convinced the nanny wouldn't expect paid leave. Bringing the body to another country isn't exactly a necessary thing. It's not like the nanny needs to fly somewhere to get the mother's estate in order. You definitely shouldn't feel obligated to extend paid leave under these circumstances.
Anonymous
Post 01/20/2024 15:57     Subject: Re:Nanny wants to take 3-4 weeks off. What should I do?
Anonymous wrote:I would allow her 3-4 weeks off. I would pay her for those 3-4 weeks but her let know that you are swapping this time off with the summer, so she wont be paid in the summer for 3-4 weeks when she is not needed.


This, which is fair.

She’s a long term employee who’s burying her mother. I would work with her.
Anonymous
Post 01/20/2024 15:56     Subject: Nanny wants to take 3-4 weeks off. What should I do?
The question isn’t what you should you do, but rather how will your decision affect your relationship with this nanny you will have to live with the consequences if you don’t pay her and she resents that as she looks around your life of luxury. Assuming she is from a country where people are not well off, she is going to, give you your comfortable circumstances through that lens. The reason she wants to spend so much time there is that she will have to arrange some kind of funeral, and then she will want to spend time with the family that she has not seen in a long time and may not see again anytime soon. It’s a tough one, but if you can consider it part, charity and part bonus for an employee who has served your family very well for 10 years, maybe that will make your decision easier.
Anonymous
Post 01/20/2024 15:53     Subject: Nanny wants to take 3-4 weeks off. What should I do?
Anonymous wrote:Can you take several weeks off of work?


No, I am a contractor and if I don’t work I don’t get paid and we can’t afford that since I have already just taken a week off this week
Anonymous
Post 01/20/2024 15:51     Subject: Nanny wants to take 3-4 weeks off. What should I do?
Can you take several weeks off of work?
Anonymous
Post 01/20/2024 15:46     Subject: Nanny wants to take 3-4 weeks off. What should I do?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thank you. We have always paid her when she traveled, but it also never happened when we needed her. We don’t take months off from work. DH has 4 weeks total and I work from home. In the summer I take the kids to my home country (not same as nanny) and between my parents and summer camps I am able to work from there. That is why we don’t need the nanny for 2.5 months in the summer. We are not super wealthy either and have been thinking about reducing the hours we pay our nanny, but haven’t done so for fear she would leave us for FT employment.

I understand that there are cultural differences at play here; I would never ask 1 month off to bury my parents.

She has not asked for paid leave, but I think she assumes we will pay her since we have always done that when she (and we) traveled even for extended time.

I think I will tell her we can’t afford to pay for a replacement on top of her salary and she can take 1 week off paid and the rest without pay.

She has already taken more than 10 days off since the year started.


She's already had 10 days off this year? There have only been 13 working days so far this year.


OP here and yes. As I said, mom very sick and nanny took almost every day off. She is also not working this Monday which would be her 10th day off:


Almost every day? Now I'm confused. Her mom wasn't overseas when she died? It sounded like she lived outside the US.


No, mom lived in a city nearby (2 hours away). She was at the hospital and nanny went twice (or theee times) since the new year. Each time she would stay several days with her mom. This past week nanny was with the mom and then mom passed away. Nanny wants to bring her mom to her home country to be buried there in 2 weeks.

So I am left with finding a new nanny or flying my parents here. My parents can probably come, but they are still working (a little), have a dog, have other business they need to take care of so it’s not a sure thing.
Anonymous
Post 01/20/2024 15:38     Subject: Nanny wants to take 3-4 weeks off. What should I do?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thank you. We have always paid her when she traveled, but it also never happened when we needed her. We don’t take months off from work. DH has 4 weeks total and I work from home. In the summer I take the kids to my home country (not same as nanny) and between my parents and summer camps I am able to work from there. That is why we don’t need the nanny for 2.5 months in the summer. We are not super wealthy either and have been thinking about reducing the hours we pay our nanny, but haven’t done so for fear she would leave us for FT employment.

I understand that there are cultural differences at play here; I would never ask 1 month off to bury my parents.

She has not asked for paid leave, but I think she assumes we will pay her since we have always done that when she (and we) traveled even for extended time.

I think I will tell her we can’t afford to pay for a replacement on top of her salary and she can take 1 week off paid and the rest without pay.

She has already taken more than 10 days off since the year started.


She's already had 10 days off this year? There have only been 13 working days so far this year.


OP here and yes. As I said, mom very sick and nanny took almost every day off. She is also not working this Monday which would be her 10th day off:


Almost every day? Now I'm confused. Her mom wasn't overseas when she died? It sounded like she lived outside the US.
Anonymous
Post 01/20/2024 15:36     Subject: Nanny wants to take 3-4 weeks off. What should I do?
Anonymous wrote:If you can afford a nanny and travel with three kids you are very wealthy. Offer two weeks paid, one week unpaid.


Quite the opposite. If she's got three kids and a nanny, she probably doesn't have a lot of extra money.
Anonymous
Post 01/20/2024 15:36     Subject: Nanny wants to take 3-4 weeks off. What should I do?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thank you. We have always paid her when she traveled, but it also never happened when we needed her. We don’t take months off from work. DH has 4 weeks total and I work from home. In the summer I take the kids to my home country (not same as nanny) and between my parents and summer camps I am able to work from there. That is why we don’t need the nanny for 2.5 months in the summer. We are not super wealthy either and have been thinking about reducing the hours we pay our nanny, but haven’t done so for fear she would leave us for FT employment.

I understand that there are cultural differences at play here; I would never ask 1 month off to bury my parents.

She has not asked for paid leave, but I think she assumes we will pay her since we have always done that when she (and we) traveled even for extended time.

I think I will tell her we can’t afford to pay for a replacement on top of her salary and she can take 1 week off paid and the rest without pay.

She has already taken more than 10 days off since the year started.


She's already had 10 days off this year? There have only been 13 working days so far this year.


OP here and yes. As I said, mom very sick and nanny took almost every day off. She is also not working this Monday which would be her 10th day off:
Anonymous
Post 01/20/2024 15:35     Subject: Nanny wants to take 3-4 weeks off. What should I do?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thank you. We have always paid her when she traveled, but it also never happened when we needed her. We don’t take months off from work. DH has 4 weeks total and I work from home. In the summer I take the kids to my home country (not same as nanny) and between my parents and summer camps I am able to work from there. That is why we don’t need the nanny for 2.5 months in the summer. We are not super wealthy either and have been thinking about reducing the hours we pay our nanny, but haven’t done so for fear she would leave us for FT employment.

I understand that there are cultural differences at play here; I would never ask 1 month off to bury my parents.

She has not asked for paid leave, but I think she assumes we will pay her since we have always done that when she (and we) traveled even for extended time.

I think I will tell her we can’t afford to pay for a replacement on top of her salary and she can take 1 week off paid and the rest without pay.

She has already taken more than 10 days off since the year started.


She's already had 10 days off this year? There have only been 13 working days so far this year.


She has worked for them for tens years.
Anonymous
Post 01/20/2024 15:34     Subject: Nanny wants to take 3-4 weeks off. What should I do?
If you can afford a nanny and travel with three kids you are very wealthy. Offer two weeks paid, one week unpaid.
Anonymous
Post 01/20/2024 15:32     Subject: Nanny wants to take 3-4 weeks off. What should I do?
Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thank you. We have always paid her when she traveled, but it also never happened when we needed her. We don’t take months off from work. DH has 4 weeks total and I work from home. In the summer I take the kids to my home country (not same as nanny) and between my parents and summer camps I am able to work from there. That is why we don’t need the nanny for 2.5 months in the summer. We are not super wealthy either and have been thinking about reducing the hours we pay our nanny, but haven’t done so for fear she would leave us for FT employment.

I understand that there are cultural differences at play here; I would never ask 1 month off to bury my parents.

She has not asked for paid leave, but I think she assumes we will pay her since we have always done that when she (and we) traveled even for extended time.

I think I will tell her we can’t afford to pay for a replacement on top of her salary and she can take 1 week off paid and the rest without pay.

She has already taken more than 10 days off since the year started.


She's already had 10 days off this year? There have only been 13 working days so far this year.
Anonymous
Post 01/20/2024 15:00     Subject: Nanny wants to take 3-4 weeks off. What should I do?
I would let her take this trip, but explain that you can’t pay her 100% her normal rate for an extra month of PTO.

Maybe ask her if she would prefer to take unpaid time now or split the unpaid time between now and summer.
Anonymous
Post 01/20/2024 14:50     Subject: Nanny wants to take 3-4 weeks off. What should I do?
Anonymous wrote:
OP, I would pay her for the time she will be away, even though it goes over her PTO. As someone else said, it’s not like this will happen again, she had one mother…


Not only did the nanny use all her PTO for the year per OP, but the amount she wants to take is double the amount of PTO she normally gets (10 days), so she'd be over the limit anyway. A normal job would not pay an employee who has no PTO left so I don't see why the OP should do this. A government employee might give some form of advanced paid leave, but that would mean the nanny isn't taking any time off the next two years. This is just a family who is going to have to pay for other arrangements, fly their parents in, or take time off work. It's not reasonable for them to float those costs and pay the nanny's full pay, when she doesn't have PTO. Taking a month off to bury a parent is not realistic for most people.