Anonymous wrote:I am increasingly feeling like my DH of 10 years has become more controlling and is emotionally and verbally abusive since we have had kids. An example would be this morning, the kids were both supposed to go to school but MoCo called a snow day. Elder child could go to the aftercare program that is open all day. Younger child who had a small cold and was home yesterday could go to preschool that opened at 10. DH decides they are staying home without discussing the decision with me, when I wanted to send them both in. (We both WFH but he hates child care because of bad experiences he had as a kid of a single mom who was always in care so he constantly wants to minimize the hours they are in care, even if it impacts our working hours.)

I get upset at him because he tells the kids they are staying home without even talking to me. I explain I have a lot of work to do that I’m behind on and he yells at me, slams a door, tells me I am being a baby because we all have work to do and when the kids stay home he is the one watching them anyway, and that I’m not a team player because my Excel spreadsheet is more important than my family, etc. Does all this in front of our kids. When I ask him when his meetings are today so I can cover for him, he refuses to answer. He storms around the house angrily, is now not speaking to me, and just loaded the kids up in the car for an errand and is refusing to talk to me.

This isn’t normal, right? Are there husbands out there who would discuss the childcare decision of the day with their wife and not unilaterally make a decision without taking their partner’s opinion into consideration? It’s not normal to yell, slam doors, and fight in front of kids, right? I’m not a bad mom for wanting to be a responsible employee, and do my job, and use the child care I pay for, right?

And yes, I have asked him for years to do therapy (he says either the problem is me and I need to go alone and that will fix our problems or he says he will go but not if I lie the whole time about our relationship and force him to defend himself to a therapist).

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Team Husband! I can’t believe you wanted to send a (mildly) sick child to daycare on a day when schools are closed for extremely low wind chills. That’s just cruel. What kind of person would do that to a child?

Did you miss the part where op’s dh expects to continue his work day as planned and have op be responsible for watching the kids?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. He didn’t take the day off. He cancelled one meeting but has another one this afternoon. He will expect me to jump in on childcare the moment he gets back and will tell me how much time I got to work (a whopping 2 hours) because of all he did this morning and how I don’t get to complain because he “gave me time.” He acts like I am a bad person for wanting to send the kids to care when I took time off last week for sick kids and to accommodate his work travel and late arrival at school.

How do you know this? I thought you said that, when you asked him what his meeting schedule was, he huffed and puffed and didn’t give you an answer and left without speaking to you?

Anonymous wrote:Op here. He didn’t take the day off. He cancelled one meeting but has another one this afternoon. He will expect me to jump in on childcare the moment he gets back and will tell me how much time I got to work (a whopping 2 hours) because of all he did this morning and how I don’t get to complain because he “gave me time.” He acts like I am a bad person for wanting to send the kids to care when I took time off last week for sick kids and to accommodate his work travel and late arrival at school.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. This is a pattern of him constantly keeping kids home without discussing it with me and telling the kids first. Any sniffle, cough etc he wants them home. He then expects me to not do my job and watch them and play fast and loose with WFH (when I only transitioned to WFH under extreme pressure from him). He thinks WFH means I should play fast and loose with my workday, that it’s fine for me to not be working during core business hours or picking kids up early every day because I WFH. I’m not comfortable with that. This is not just one day but a pattern of him expecting me to do this.

I just posted that your DH is an a$$, and given this info, I think you need to transition back to work in the office, and tell him that you are being required to return to office. He wants you to work full time and be a full time caretaker, which is impossible.

Anonymous wrote:Team Husband! I can’t believe you wanted to send a (mildly) sick child to daycare on a day when schools are closed for extremely low wind chills. That’s just cruel. What kind of person would do that to a child?

Anonymous wrote:Team DH, sending sick kid to daycare, how horrible for all.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. This is a pattern of him constantly keeping kids home without discussing it with me and telling the kids first. Any sniffle, cough etc he wants them home. He then expects me to not do my job and watch them and play fast and loose with WFH (when I only transitioned to WFH under extreme pressure from him). He thinks WFH means I should play fast and loose with my workday, that it’s fine for me to not be working during core business hours or picking kids up early every day because I WFH. I’m not comfortable with that. This is not just one day but a pattern of him expecting me to do this.

I just posted that your DH is an a$$, and given this info, I think you need to transition back to work in the office, and tell him that you are being required to return to office. He wants you to work full time and be a full time caretaker, which is impossible.