Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you have to have one every day, then yes you are an alcoholic.

Can this be applied to other things, like coffee? Because most people I know have to have at least one cup a day.

coffee has many benefits. We know this isn't true about alcohol no matter what the alcohol industry told us

https://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/health/wellness-and-prevention/9-reasons-why-the-right-amount-of-coffee-is-good-for-you

https://whitesandstreatment.com/2022/08/25/the-idea-that-wine-is-good-for-you-is-a-myth-heres-why/

Anonymous wrote:Your h is a control freak and your relationship is unhealthy.

You could never drink again and he’d find something else to criticize and then control,

You should ask if he can go a month not telling you to do anything or “provide feedback” on what you do and how you do it.

This. 100%.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m not sure if you are or not.

You didn’t mention if you are having cravings, and I thought it interesting you left that out.

Now you are going out with a friend and needing to ask whether you should have a drink or not. If I was doing dry January, I’d be dry that night without needing to ask someone.

If you are drinking each night, my recommendation would be to look at any stressors in your life and see why you feel a need to drink.

You could try walking meditation or listening to a Tara Brach guided meditation as a healthy option.

Why does everybody phrase it as "feel you need it?" How about, "why do you enjoy it?"

dp Sometimes they are interchangeable. You need it because you enjoy it but also because you are dependent

Anonymous wrote:You probably have to prove to your dh that you don't have to drink. Going out with your friend makes it hard, but you might warn her ahead of time that you're doing Dry January.

Something you might try is your drink every other night. Or just on certain nights.

I am guessing he doesn't drink or drink much. Not a great combination when you want to drink moderately.

DH and I drink to match each other's consumption. it's not great to be in a relationship with unequal drinking habits.

If you are a woman your drinking will be way more detrimental to you than him. So women are actually supposed to drink less because it affects them more. Also this seems crazy thinking. Do you "match" each other with eating? Say your dh can eat two hamburgers and you can't but you do because it wouldn't be great to be in an unequal eating marriage?

https://www.health.harvard.edu/womens-health/why-does-alcohol-affect-women-differently

Anonymous wrote:I’m not sure if you are or not.

You didn’t mention if you are having cravings, and I thought it interesting you left that out.

Now you are going out with a friend and needing to ask whether you should have a drink or not. If I was doing dry January, I’d be dry that night without needing to ask someone.

If you are drinking each night, my recommendation would be to look at any stressors in your life and see why you feel a need to drink.

You could try walking meditation or listening to a Tara Brach guided meditation as a healthy option.

Why does everybody phrase it as "feel you need it?" How about, "why do you enjoy it?"

Anonymous wrote:The first thing that each oncologist will ask you when you get cancer is: do you drink? And how much? Then followed with: do you smoke?

Yeah, this is so dumb. There’s an uptick in cancer, but it isn’t from smoking and drinking. Do you know how much people smoked and drank all through the 20th century? Way more than today.

We want to pin the rise in cancer on personal responsibility, because then we can tell ourselves it won’t happen to us if we’re good little boys and girls, but it’s obviously from environmental causes. Toxins in our water, our air, our earth.

Anonymous wrote:The first thing that each oncologist will ask you when you get cancer is: do you drink? And how much? Then followed with: do you smoke?

Completely untrue.

Anonymous wrote:If you have to have one every day, then yes you are an alcoholic.

Can this be applied to other things, like coffee? Because most people I know have to have at least one cup a day.

Your h is a control freak and your relationship is unhealthy.

You could never drink again and he’d find something else to criticize and then control,

You should ask if he can go a month not telling you to do anything or “provide feedback” on what you do and how you do it.

If you can stop at one drink, you’re not an alcoholic. However, it’s concerning that you’re using alcohol to unwind every night. I’d stop drinking for a long while to show your DH that you can and then go back but only to having an occasional drink.

OP there is a spectrum of substance use and well before addiction is harmful use.

I would suggest that drinking alcohol every single day of your life is harmful use.

Your husband has concerns - likely linked in part to the serious health implications of regular alcohol consumption, but probably also to behavior you aren't sharing with us and which you might even be in denial about.

Developing substance use disorder in midlife is terribly common, you would not be alone if you were on the path. It cannot hurt to do some exploration about the reasons you feel compelled to drink every single day of your life. The best person to do that exploration with is an addictions counselor - they also help people determine whether their use is in the range of healthy and manageable or whether it is harmful use and/or potentially addictive behavior.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would prove him wrong and no drink.

This. Give it 30 days without one drink. If you can do it, you're not an alcoholic.

That's simply not true. There are millions of alcoholics who have lived years and years without drinking - but they are still alcoholics. Alcoholism isn't cured by a 30 day chip.

Why are you letting your husband police your relationship with alcohol? Tell him to STFU.

I’m not sure if you are or not.

You didn’t mention if you are having cravings, and I thought it interesting you left that out.

Now you are going out with a friend and needing to ask whether you should have a drink or not. If I was doing dry January, I’d be dry that night without needing to ask someone.

If you are drinking each night, my recommendation would be to look at any stressors in your life and see why you feel a need to drink.

You could try walking meditation or listening to a Tara Brach guided meditation as a healthy option.

Anonymous wrote:I would prove him wrong and no drink.

This. Give it 30 days without one drink. If you can do it, you're not an alcoholic.