Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, many family law attorneys do short free consults over the phone, I'm sure you can speak with a few tomorrow.

IME, the consults were not free.

Type up one page on the situation. Use bullet points. Include family members, assets, bank account balances, income of each, history of issues.

Type up one page on what you need and want. Include concerns and what you want, but put down dream situation (house, kids 5 days a week and every other weekend) and put down willing to try but need strategy (50/50c you have right if first refusal and travel times, etc.). Half assets, put down annual budget for children’s costs (clothes, camps, fees, sports, sitters, vacations, etc.)

Go do your 1 hour, $300-500 cash consults. Look up lawyers good with trauma. They will say so in their website.

Anonymous wrote:Husband moved out. He said I could have full legal and physical custody of the kids. He is a brilliant professional with awful substance abuse issues. He’s not interested in being a parent right now. We have 3 small children. I’ve been a SAHM their entire lives. I’m very worried about custody and finances. Prior to a divorce, how can I protect myself and the kids? I’m in Maryland.

If this isn't a "let's make a man hating thread Monday" I don't know what is. What common sense person comes to DC Urban Mom and asks this question? Of course the first thing you do is contact an attorney if this is real.

But, it's not real.

Anonymous wrote:OP, many family law attorneys do short free consults over the phone, I'm sure you can speak with a few tomorrow.

Don’t expect advice from a free consult. It would be crazy for a lawyer to risk malpractice from that sort of situation. But it would be beneficial to find someone to talk to sooner rather than later.

Anonymous wrote:OP, many family law attorneys do short free consults over the phone, I'm sure you can speak with a few tomorrow.

IME, the consults were not free.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:File for child support and alimony and get a job.

Can I set up protective orders? Or do I have to wait until divorce is finalized to get child support and alimony?

Protective orders op? Is he hurting you physically?

If in Maryland reach out to the family justice center in Rockville

OP, many family law attorneys do short free consults over the phone, I'm sure you can speak with a few tomorrow.

A friend was in a similar position with a high earning addict spouse. He overdosed and failed to pay the premiums on his life insurance so she got nothing there, he also tied up a lot of their money in his business that she never managed to get back. She ended up a single mom with next to nothing.

Watch your finances, OP. Have a plan.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The absolute last place you need to be right now is on this forum. You need to be looking for a lawyer, now. Stop posting here and get your act together. The women on this site know nothing.

Obviously I’ve contacted lawyers. But my appointments are all in 2 or 3 weeks and I need info immediately.

That’s weird.

^ Not special needs sub, special CONCERNS sub.

OP, I also worry about things like him causing a car accident and a victim going after all of your assets. Addicts are unpredictable.

Does he have life insurance?

Do you have any local family?

I think it's important to find work ASAP, I'm sorry, I know it's a LOT at once for you and the kids. When addicts walk away they often go on epic benders and you cannot count on him keeping employment.

Family lawyers often do free short consults. Call a few in the morning and see who you click with.

Once you have an income you will feel safer. Even if you had to sell the house and downsize, if you can support yourself and the kids, that is the best scenario. Any money he earns on top of that is gravy.

Al Anon meetings and r/alanon may also be sources of emotional support. Alateen when the kids are tweens.

You will come through this, OP. Hang in there.

There have been lawyers mentioned in the special needs sub who are better in substance abuse cases, building in protections, supervised visitation, drug testing, etc. I'd search or make a new post there asking for names of lawyers.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, are you sure he has actually left. Do you have an attic (including a crawlspace), basement (behind the furnace or other utility area) or other spaces (pantry, large cabinetry or storage bins) he could be in?

I'm sorry what?

OP should doublecheck DH has actually left. Attics, crawlspaces, utility areas and even large cabinets offer lots of hiding places. Havnet you heard the saying better save then scary.

You think OP's husband or hiding in a cabinet? I literally cannot stop laughing.

On the contrary I feel sorry for the person who wrote that. Clearly they have experience with a crazy person.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, are you sure he has actually left. Do you have an attic (including a crawlspace), basement (behind the furnace or other utility area) or other spaces (pantry, large cabinetry or storage bins) he could be in?

I'm sorry what?

OP should doublecheck DH has actually left. Attics, crawlspaces, utility areas and even large cabinets offer lots of hiding places. Havnet you heard the saying better save then scary.

You think OP's husband or hiding in a cabinet? I literally cannot stop laughing.

Anonymous wrote:Finances are the problem, OP, if he loses his job because of his addiction issues. I hope he understands that he still needs to support all of you? Because even if you get a job, that means he has to pay for daycare?

Obviously you'll have to find work at some point, but for the moment, I hope he can be reasonable.

He had better damn well keep his job, and pay up!

What a scumbag. Men are horrible!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, are you sure he has actually left. Do you have an attic (including a crawlspace), basement (behind the furnace or other utility area) or other spaces (pantry, large cabinetry or storage bins) he could be in?

I'm sorry what?

OP should doublecheck DH has actually left. Attics, crawlspaces, utility areas and even large cabinets offer lots of hiding places. Havnet you heard the saying better save then scary.

Anonymous wrote:OP, are you sure he has actually left. Do you have an attic (including a crawlspace), basement (behind the furnace or other utility area) or other spaces (pantry, large cabinetry or storage bins) he could be in?

I'm sorry what?