Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Recently I realized that I have a few friends who are concerned with privacy but they are not any private matters per say. Among a few, one couple is very obvious. Example: going to the grocery but would tell me "I have a prior commitment." I do not want to / do not need to / nor did I ask to know everyday details of their life. "I asked if you are free stop by for a cup of coffee, it will be nice to catch up." In the meantime mutual friends know personal details of their lives which by definition of privacy may fit as private such as salary. I am at a loss. I do not introod into people's business. Feeling bit hurt after seeing an obvious pattern. I would say I have been a good friend to this person/couple. Thanks for reading.

I don’t tell people because I don’t want to hurt feelings. Like friend invites me over but I want to stay home and organize the pantry. It is mundane and so I say I have a prior commitment. I don’t want to send the impression that I’d rather sit at home and be boring instead of hanging out with you. Just trying not to hurt feelings.

Anonymous wrote:Recently I realized that I have a few friends who are concerned with privacy but they are not any private matters per say. Among a few, one couple is very obvious. Example: going to the grocery but would tell me "I have a prior commitment." I do not want to / do not need to / nor did I ask to know everyday details of their life. "I asked if you are free stop by for a cup of coffee, it will be nice to catch up." In the meantime mutual friends know personal details of their lives which by definition of privacy may fit as private such as salary. I am at a loss. I do not introod into people's business. Feeling bit hurt after seeing an obvious pattern. I would say I have been a good friend to this person/couple. Thanks for reading.

Anonymous wrote:My SIL is like this and it has rubbed off on my brother. Every detail of their life that is shared with me is followed up with "Please don't tell anyone that we are...(what they are doing). Who would I possibly tell? Who would care?

Anonymous wrote:*Intrude

I grew up with very private parents. One was just a quiet person who also was ashamed of a lot of aspects of our family, and one was also ashamed of those same aspects plus others, and in addiction was kind of paranoid. It made me a very private person, and yes sometimes about weird things.

Anonymous wrote:*Intrude

I grew up with very private parents. One was just a quiet person who also was ashamed of a lot of aspects of our family, and one was also ashamed of those same aspects plus others, and in addiction was kind of paranoid. It made me a very private person, and yes sometimes about weird things.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How is "I have a prior commitment" any different "Im busy"? That is literally the same thing? Why are you making drama out of nothing?

I can't speak for OP but prior commitment sounds a bit extra when referring to grocery shopping which isn't a fixed appointment. If I used that as my reason to decline and then ran into the person at the grocery store I would be embarrassed. I wouldn't be embarrassed if I said I was busy or had stuff to do.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree with others that if you find a friend behaving evasively around you, and it turns out the stuff they are hiding is really normal (like going to the grocery store) odds are good that you have a conversational style or personality they find overly invasive and are trying to avoid something.

Could be that they know you are the sort to say "oh I'll just come to the grocery store with you and then we can chat" and they don't want that so they are very vague.

Could be they know you will ask them a million questions about it (which grocery store, how do get there, do you shop weekly or more often, are you making something specific, have you tried this recipe website, etc. etc.) and don't want to answer them so they are vague.

Could be they think you are gossipy and overly nosy and likely to share anything they say with others, and don't really want you running off to tell other people "Ugh I asked Carla out for coffee and she said she couldn't because she had to go to the grocery store. How lame is that? She's so anti-social, she never wants to do anything."

Wow...you and others are so harsh to OP. Nothing in her post suggests this or her being needy or nosy or overbearing. Her confusion by this friend's behavior is understandable.

Anonymous wrote:I agree with others that if you find a friend behaving evasively around you, and it turns out the stuff they are hiding is really normal (like going to the grocery store) odds are good that you have a conversational style or personality they find overly invasive and are trying to avoid something.

Could be that they know you are the sort to say "oh I'll just come to the grocery store with you and then we can chat" and they don't want that so they are very vague.

Could be they know you will ask them a million questions about it (which grocery store, how do get there, do you shop weekly or more often, are you making something specific, have you tried this recipe website, etc. etc.) and don't want to answer them so they are vague.

Could be they think you are gossipy and overly nosy and likely to share anything they say with others, and don't really want you running off to tell other people "Ugh I asked Carla out for coffee and she said she couldn't because she had to go to the grocery store. How lame is that? She's so anti-social, she never wants to do anything."

Anonymous wrote:My SIL is like this and it has rubbed off on my brother. Every detail of their life that is shared with me is followed up with "Please don't tell anyone that we are...(what they are doing). Who would I possibly tell? Who would care?