I'm totally in charge of our family's finances. We live below our means and I learned about investing when we married over 20 years ago. I invested steadily in index funds in Roths and 401Ks and we have a pretty high NW now. The kids have enough to go to state school debt free. We stayed in our starter home and paid it off. My husband is a mechanic and I'm a former help desk admin (now a SAHP). When you have no obligations, you can live on a lower income just fine.

My mom was the first in her immigrant family to graduate from college and has always stressed the importance of hard work and education in our family. She was a math major in college and then went on to a top MBA program, the only woman in her class. She became the first woman partner in her CPA firm and was financially very successful, much more so than my dad. For 8 months of the year she worked 40-50 hours a week and then during tax season it was usually 80+ hours and my siblings and I spent a lot of time with our grandparents through April.

While my generation have chosen less stressful and lucrative careers I think the values she instilled have endured. We all have advanced degrees from top schools, we work hard, and we are all financially secure. My mom is trying to pass this on to the next generation by paying for all of her grandchildren’s education, k-12 private schools and college and grad school. It’s an incredible gift.

Anonymous wrote:My mother was incredibly successful professionally and out earned my father for sure (though he also did perfectly fine but did not make it as high up in the ranks of management as she did). My Dad did lead the management of the money though.

How has it impacted me- hm, I definitely always pictured myself in a management role given that was where I saw my mom all of my childhood. I manage the finances for our household, so maybe that’s an impact though I never thought of it stemming from that. But yeah I manage it all - budgets, investments, anything we do financially really. I have done this since my husband and I were in our early 20s and I got interested in personal finance and started reading.

I think one post asked so I’ll share what I read at the time to get started. From what I can remember - Your money or your life, the simple path to wealth by JL Collins, Millionaire teacher, at the time I also read a lot of Mr Money Mustache and though I’m not trying for “early retirement” now some of the things I learned from reading that over time on the power of saving and some frugality have been essential. Learning early that I could make a huge difference in how much wealth we build by increasing how much we save and invest using index funds has made a huge difference for our family. My husband and I aren’t as high of earners as my parents were (relative to the time) but we’ve been able to build wealth on those principals (and I’m not taking mr money mustache saving levels, we aren’t that frugal)

I will add because I just saw the other posters comment about not seeing her mom much. While my mother was definitely a professional badass and made quite a bit of money, I didn’t feel like this at all. She was very present and though my dad was usually the first home and cooked dinner, she was home for dinner, at my events, incredibly active present loving mother. I’m not saying we can do it all, she didn’t put pressure on herself to be EVERYTHING - we did have nannies for after school but professional success doesn’t equal feeling neglected

My mother was incredibly successful professionally and out earned my father for sure (though he also did perfectly fine but did not make it as high up in the ranks of management as she did). My Dad did lead the management of the money though.

How has it impacted me- hm, I definitely always pictured myself in a management role given that was where I saw my mom all of my childhood. I manage the finances for our household, so maybe that’s an impact though I never thought of it stemming from that. But yeah I manage it all - budgets, investments, anything we do financially really. I have done this since my husband and I were in our early 20s and I got interested in personal finance and started reading.

I think one post asked so I’ll share what I read at the time to get started. From what I can remember - Your money or your life, the simple path to wealth by JL Collins, Millionaire teacher, at the time I also read a lot of Mr Money Mustache and though I’m not trying for “early retirement” now some of the things I learned from reading that over time on the power of saving and some frugality have been essential. Learning early that I could make a huge difference in how much wealth we build by increasing how much we save and invest using index funds has made a huge difference for our family. My husband and I aren’t as high of earners as my parents were (relative to the time) but we’ve been able to build wealth on those principals (and I’m not taking mr money mustache saving levels, we aren’t that frugal)

I recently listed to the book by that “her first 100k” author and it had a lot of useful and specific advice.

I won’t go into financial details other than to say my husband and I are mostly self made and do better than a lot of others, would probably qualify as a “badass” though I hesitate to call myself that.

Here are my takeaways/advice in terms of money management:

1. Build a career that gives you some flexibility and at least the opportunity to be lucrative. I’m a lawyer (dime a dozen on this site). I make a lot more than many lawyers, but it’s great to have options to do something lower paying or higher paying.

2. Don’t quit working unless you really need to (examples: sickness of you or child). Both of us continuing to work is what has made a huge financial difference for my family. If I had quit in my mid-30s, which I definitely considered, we would have much, much less. Also, my experience is that the work itself and the amount you get paid gets so, so much better in your 40s. I hated my job 80 percent of the time when I was 25-40. Now I love it because I’m the decision maker, make 2-3 times as much, etc.

3. Choose who you marry carefully. Consider their spending habits and overall character, because divorce is a financial ruiner. Are they supportive of your career? My husband was always frugal and into personal finance, and very supportive of me, which made him more attractive to me. It’s not even about them being a high earner or coming from a wealthy family.

4. Max out any and all benefits from your employer on day one - 401ks, extra in Roth if you can, health care benefits and flex spending accounts, any other perks your job offers. This will be the easiest money you ever make and it should be on autopilot so you don’t even think about it.

5. Don’t compromise on your values when it comes to your family. My dream was always to have children and I was never going to compromise on that for my career. I did part time when my kids were young for a few years (80 percent). I still sometimes say “no” to work stuff. I do my very best to have quality time with them. I took the career and financial risk of having a third kid, even though it would have been easier to stop at two, because it’s my life and I wanted to do it. I don’t think I’m perfect, but I also think I overcompensate sometimes due to working mom guilt. I also recognize that my working more has resulted in my husband having less career pressure and being a more present dad, which I love for my children and for him.

6. Be mature and realize you cannot have everything. Identify your key priorities and focus on doing those well. there are some things you have to give up. I realize that I don’t have the capacity to get together with friends or even extended family more than 1-3 times per month at most. I would rather be at home on the couch watching the British Baking Show with my daughter because that is what she needs and I need to be with her on my off time. Even though I didn’t love it, I had to have a nanny and rely on grandparents and give up a lot of parenting control so that I could work. Sometimes it hurts a little when I see moms doing all the school volunteering and socializing together when i could have done that and had to opt out. But instead, I’ll have more money for my children and grandchildren, and I get to do this fun and big career. I’ve made my decisions and they’re worth it to me.


To all the younger moms out there, you can do it if you’re strategic and flexible and make good decisions in both your professional and personal life. Good luck!!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mom was a badass successful professional woman. She worked her ass off and spent her 30s and 40s making a name for herself! She’s 75 now and has money invested all over the place. In exchange, however, I was the first kid in at daycare in the morning —then later, latchkey— and the last kid to leave at night I got two weeks with my parents in the summer where we vacationed together, but they would find sitters for me at our destinations because mama works hard and deserves a break, too! The rest of my summers were spent at day camps or overnight camps. My dad got sick and my mom has health issues and now they don’t do anything. I’m sure she’s grateful she spent most of her good years busting her ass for all that notoriety, and to squirrel all that money away that now she can’t even enjoy!

I feel this. Mine didn't even make a name for herself. And she vacationed with friends while I went to grandparents' house. Also where I spent summers watching soap operas...

One of my greatest fears is my kids feeling this way about me. I have a “big career” but I work 80 percent from home, and my husband works 95 percent from home, so my kids aren’t latch key. We did have a nanny when they were younger and they have one set of really involved grandparents, so I think we’re bridging the gap okay.

Anonymous wrote:My mom was a badass successful professional woman. She worked her ass off and spent her 30s and 40s making a name for herself! She’s 75 now and has money invested all over the place. In exchange, however, I was the first kid in at daycare in the morning —then later, latchkey— and the last kid to leave at night I got two weeks with my parents in the summer where we vacationed together, but they would find sitters for me at our destinations because mama works hard and deserves a break, too! The rest of my summers were spent at day camps or overnight camps. My dad got sick and my mom has health issues and now they don’t do anything. I’m sure she’s grateful she spent most of her good years busting her ass for all that notoriety, and to squirrel all that money away that now she can’t even enjoy!

I feel this. Mine didn't even make a name for herself. And she vacationed with friends while I went to grandparents' house. Also where I spent summers watching soap operas...