Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's not age, it's health. The ideal (which is of course very rare) is to remain healthy for a long life, then die after a short but not painful illness. If your 89 year old month needs care, then by definition she is in declining health.

I agree. You used to just drop dead of strokes and heart attacks. Now it's this loooooong decline into senility. Most people who reach very old ages will spend at least a decade in poor healthy. Usually nothing is wrong with them, just their bodies and minds don't work as well as they used to.

I personally think 90 would be a nice year.

My in-laws are doing all sorts of rigid diets and obsessed with brain and physical aging hacks. Outcomes not so different than others their age. So I think I’d also not want a restricted lifestyle to add ten years of declining health anyway.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I really hope that by the time I get to 80 there will be options like they have in Switzerland now. I would love to go at 80 at the latest.

I have a chunk of money for the Switzerland trip.

Me too. My mother is 82 and has dementia. I absolutely do not want to live like that and plan on going to Switzerland or where ever else I can die in peace. I have told my kids and husband I am 100% sure I do not want to live with dementia so please help me go to Switzerland when the time is right. The tricky part is there is only a short window when you start to decline and are still able to make decisions and plan for yourself. Any later and you can't do accompanied suicide in Switzerland.

I really hope that in 30 years this option exists in the United States. I really think more elderly people would chose it. I don't want to burn through all the money I have saved to be but in a memory care facility wasting 100,000 a year. I would much rather my children have that money to live a better life.

Meanwhile it is ridiculous why there is such aggressive medical treatment for elderly. I realized when my mother was prescribed a dementia/alzheimers drug it potentially EXTENDS your life 2.6 years without improving your life. It in no way reverses or stops. It just delays the inevitable. Luckily it upset my mother's stomach so it was stopped. I don't want her life extended 2.6 years since she already has moderate Alzheimers / dementia.

Anonymous wrote:I really hope that by the time I get to 80 there will be options like they have in Switzerland now. I would love to go at 80 at the latest.

My parents are 80 and they have so much life left. I know they’re old and anything could happen at any time, but they’re still traveling, socializing, gardening and generally enjoying themselves. Yes, they’ve slowed down and yes, health is a concern. My mom said the other day she hopes for 10 more years, but only if they’re good years. I’d like that too.

And yes, I know we’re very fortunate. I’m grateful for it every day.

Anonymous wrote:My MIL is 90, been in hospital for 2 weeks, will need full time care. She herself said she wants to end her life.

My dad is 90 and generally healthy, but he's starting to lose his vision and balance. My mom is 84 and has alzheimers and all sorts of health issues. Can't really walk well.

Being that old really does suck. I too hope to die before 90.

One of my grandmothers said goodbye to everyone in her early 90s and then stopped taking her medication. She was sharp as a tack still and in relatively good health. But she couldn’t hear well, couldn’t taste much, couldn’t get around well. She said most of her friends were dead and it was too hard to talk with the ones who were left because of hearing loss and their cognitive decline. She was done. I think about that sometimes that she was very brave.

My dad loved this article (and died in his sleep two days before his 75th birthday)

https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2014/10/why-i-hope-to-die-at-75/379329/

Anonymous wrote:Retirement was designed to be 8 years after 65 then you die around 73, now boomers are retiring at 65 and taking 25 years to die, where do you think the money comes from? Their children's future and current earnings.

The oldest boomers are 77 right now so we haven’t really had time to see this happen yet. But it does seem likely to happen.

Anonymous wrote:Retirement was designed to be 8 years after 65 then you die around 73, now boomers are retiring at 65 and taking 25 years to die, where do you think the money comes from? Their children's future and current earnings.

My in-laws are in late 80s, they have been retired for 30+ years, literally forever! I would love to be retired for that long and still be in good health like they are.

Anonymous wrote:My great grandmother said on her 100th birthday “No one should live this long.” She wasn’t happy being so sick for so long.


BTW, OP, have you looked into an adult day care for your mom? Or checked to see if there is a Medicare has a PACE program in your area?

My mom said the same when she was 92. That said, her life was meaningful and I would not have wanted it to be any shorter.

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][b]It's not age, it's health.[/b] The ideal (which is of course very rare) is to remain healthy for a long life, then die after a short but not painful illness. If your 89 year old month needs care, then by definition she is in declining health.[/quote]

That's not what OP said. She said her mom is healthy and mentally with it. She's just 89. [/quote]

Ok so if she’s healthy and mentally ofine, why is OP caring for her? Can’t she take care of herself if she’s healthy and mentally with it? [/quote]

When was the last time you spent a full day with an 89-year-old?

Anonymous wrote:I was venting to my sister earlier today. Our dad is in declining health and currently in rehab. He will need full time care when he gets out. He lives with me but I have a job and 2 kids; I cannot sit with him all day and be at his beck and call.

It took me 4 hrs to take him to the dr this morning. The wheelchair + oxygen make everything more time consuming. And the need to pee all the time. Did I mention it takes him 10 min to standup/sit down in the wheelchair?

100 yrs ago people would never get to this point? Why continue going to the drs? They are just going to prolong your life. More medications, pace maker, valve replacements, the things modern medicine can do are amazing. But why bother? Just go home and let nature take its course.

The trick is to decline the flu and covid vaccinations.

Agree.

I don't want to lose either of my parents and I don't want to leave my children, but I remember my grandmother dying of Alzheimer's - it took over a decade, most of which time she wasn't even aware of the world around her. No thank you to that.

Retirement was designed to be 8 years after 65 then you die around 73, now boomers are retiring at 65 and taking 25 years to die, where do you think the money comes from? Their children's future and current earnings.

Anonymous wrote:This is why people SHOULD have kids later in life...when you are 70, you do not want to be taking care of your 95 year old parent. If you have kids around 40, you will pass when they are like 50 and they still have the energy and funds for eldercare. Elderly people should not be taking care of other elderly people.

Average age of death for a women is 79, a few years earlier for men. If they had kids at 40, then those poor children will be managing their parents old age and their own children simultaneously.

This is why people SHOULD have kids later in life...when you are 70, you do not want to be taking care of your 95 year old parent. If you have kids around 40, you will pass when they are like 50 and they still have the energy and funds for eldercare. Elderly people should not be taking care of other elderly people.

My great grandmother said on her 100th birthday “No one should live this long.” She wasn’t happy being so sick for so long.


BTW, OP, have you looked into an adult day care for your mom? Or checked to see if there is a Medicare has a PACE program in your area?