Anonymous
Post 01/01/2024 09:05     Subject: Typical views of in-laws?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:People you like and people you love shouldn't have visits that last more than 3 days. And that's with everyone getting some downtown, able to vanish for part of the day. Everyone needs more alone time than they get at the holidays. Or with ILs when they are so excited to see you, and excited to all be together.


OP here - that is definitely part of the problem! My in laws have stayed over for 2-3 weeks at a time before. And this was in an apartment….



That is horrible. You have a DH problem.
Anonymous
Post 12/31/2023 23:50     Subject: Typical views of in-laws?
Anonymous wrote:People you like and people you love shouldn't have visits that last more than 3 days. And that's with everyone getting some downtown, able to vanish for part of the day. Everyone needs more alone time than they get at the holidays. Or with ILs when they are so excited to see you, and excited to all be together.


OP here - that is definitely part of the problem! My in laws have stayed over for 2-3 weeks at a time before. And this was in an apartment….
Anonymous
Post 12/31/2023 19:36     Subject: Typical views of in-laws?
No complaints here. Loved my FIL, fond of MIL who has always treated me well. My parents were also fond of and good to my DH. My mom was the problem one--to me--but that's another story.
Anonymous
Post 12/31/2023 19:33     Subject: Re:Typical views of in-laws?
My in laws are great. Just came back from visiting them. But I think more than 2-3 days having people at your house is hard, no matter who they are. I love my parents too but Im ready for them to go home after 2 days. I’m sure both sets of parents feel the same way when we visit.
Anonymous
Post 12/31/2023 17:24     Subject: Typical views of in-laws?
My in-laws love us and support is at a high level but never gave us any financial or day to day help, never showed a strong interest in our kids and just in general were focused on themselves. That’s fine and their right, but I have casual neighbors that know more about my kids and me than they do. So I don’t dislike them but also don’t feel a strong need to see them, any more than I feel a strong need to see a neighbor I like fine but am not close to. Does that make sense?
Anonymous
Post 12/31/2023 15:28     Subject: Typical views of in-laws?
People you like and people you love shouldn't have visits that last more than 3 days. And that's with everyone getting some downtown, able to vanish for part of the day. Everyone needs more alone time than they get at the holidays. Or with ILs when they are so excited to see you, and excited to all be together.
Anonymous
Post 12/31/2023 14:45     Subject: Typical views of in-laws?
I'm somewhere between "meh" and "love" with my ILs. DH's father died decades before I met him, but I don't think I would have liked him at all as he was emotionally abusive. I was meh on MIL's husband (now deceased) and like my MIL quite a bit. We get along fine, but I don't *love* her as our personalities are too different to really mesh well.

DH *loves* my mom, and liked my dad quite a bit but didn't really have time to get to know him well before he died.

Neither side is local to where we live.
Anonymous
Post 12/31/2023 14:25     Subject: Re:Typical views of in-laws?
I love my in laws. They are kinder, more sociable, easier to be around, more flexible and easy going, more considerate, more helpful than my own parents so I prefer their visits to my parents’ visits.
Anonymous
Post 12/31/2023 14:17     Subject: Re:Typical views of in-laws?
My ILs are not local, so they come to us once and we take the kids there once per year. I look forward to seeing my MIL. She was a powerhouse in her career, likes good food and wine, and is always traveling to interesting places. Her visits are very relaxed because she prefers to stay in a hotel and doesn't expect to be waited on. We enjoy each other's company and text pretty frequently about current events and her travel/my career/grandkids.

My FIL is in the meh category. It's complicated because he really stresses out my DH and has no sense of boundaries so visits are brutal, but I try to see him solo for lunch or dinner about once a quarter when I'm in his city (near my company's HQ) and tend to enjoy those meals quite a bit.
Anonymous
Post 12/31/2023 13:58     Subject: Typical views of in-laws?
Anonymous wrote:Most of my friends don’t seem too enamored by their in-laws (myself included). Nothing is terribly wrong with mine, but seeing them is definitely more of a chore/obligation than something I can actually enjoy doing. And usually when their visit is over, I breathe sigh of relief.

I would say most of my friends feel this way. Do you all share this sentiment and if you were to guess, how common is it for people to actually LIKE their in laws?


I guess circumstances also matter, if you live far away and don't have financial responsibility for them and only visit once a year or host them once in a couple of years, it seems to work well for most.
Anonymous
Post 12/31/2023 13:54     Subject: Re:Typical views of in-laws?
My husband and I both loved our ILs, three of whom have passed away. When my dad died my husband said he felt he had lost his father. I loved taking long walks with my MIL because I’d find our more about my husbands childhood than I ever heard about from him.
Anonymous
Post 12/31/2023 12:43     Subject: Typical views of in-laws?
I just got off the phone with a friend who spent the last few days with her MIL who I find lovely. I find her easy to talk to and down to earth and I love when our families get together. But my friend thinks she's overbearing and uptight.

And my friend loves my MIL - thinks she's funny and carefree and confident. Yet I think MIL is shallow and insecure and too distracted and impulsive to watch the kids for very long.

It's so different to be just aquainted with someone vs blending your lives. For the same reason you have plenty of friends you love but wouldn't want to marry or travel with - there are very few people in the world that you want to spend THAT much togetherness with, and you usually get to pick and choose them carefully. But you don't get to choose that with ILs.
Anonymous
Post 12/31/2023 12:26     Subject: Typical views of in-laws?
A friend once said to me, “everyone’s in-laws are weird.”

I’m very tired of DH’s family dynamic. He is the responsible one, does more for MIL than SIL. SIL is younger, does less for MIL, and is a spoiled immature brat IMO.
Anonymous
Post 12/31/2023 12:02     Subject: Typical views of in-laws?
I definitely feel this way about my MIL and I’m sure my husband feels the same about my mother. Our fathers passed away and they were no problem but our mothers have issues of insecurity, over compensating, selective memory on how they raised us and just generally being know it alls. At times, I think it’s me being too hard on them but for the most part, it’s them. My mother is self-aware but my MIL isn’t. Very frustrating.
Anonymous
Post 12/31/2023 12:00     Subject: Typical views of in-laws?
Anonymous wrote:Most of my friends don’t seem too enamored by their in-laws (myself included). Nothing is terribly wrong with mine, but seeing them is definitely more of a chore/obligation than something I can actually enjoy doing. And usually when their visit is over, I breathe sigh of relief.

I would say most of my friends feel this way. Do you all share this sentiment and if you were to guess, how common is it for people to actually LIKE their in laws?[/quotr]

And, yet you wonder why they don't want to babysit for you!