Anonymous
12/30/2023 12:04
Subject: freshman woes
Hi, OP. I was your student about 30 years ago. For me, I was wholly unprepared for college — I went in with poor study habits, which led to low self-confidence about my abilities, which led to non-attendance because it wouldn’t matter anyway. I left after the first year and spent the summer and fall semesters at a local college to re-develop my study habits and build a better base for math and writing. When I returned to my university, it was like a 180 change. Some kids just need that time.
Anonymous
12/30/2023 11:47
Subject: Re:freshman woes
I can totally relate to this story and in our case, switching to the local cc after the first year was the best thing. DC was much happier in a smaller, more nurturing environment (and also preferred living at home), and turned their academics around completely. Not letting the parents’ egos get in the way was very hard but important. Good luck to you and your DC.
Anonymous
12/30/2023 11:02
Subject: freshman woes
Would have them evaluated for depression
Anonymous
12/30/2023 10:50
Subject: freshman woes
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:OP -are you sure they already haven’t been asked to leave? This happened to a cousin -she was told to leave her Slav because of grades in a foreign language and for failure to attend school. She was given a letter outlining the terms under which she could return. Her parents weren’t told (FERPA) and the kid moved out of the dorm in with friends and pretended to her parents that she was still attending. Her parents would have never found out except that someone opened a letter from the college mailed to her home (where she was supposed to be).
Did the parents pay for college?
Doesn’t matter under FERPA. Colleges don’t want to deal with parents. That’s why both of mine signed the FERPA waiver. And yes parents were paying for everything and spending money not knowing she was living now in an off campus apartment doing nothing
Did the parent pay tuition to the school? What happened to that money? It's hard to believe the school would just pocket it for someone who wasn't enrolled.
DP here. I also know someone who did that for over a year before the parents found out - I don't think this is such an unusual circumstance.
Anonymous
12/30/2023 10:47
Subject: freshman woes
Imho, large universities can be great. Classes offered at different times. Don't like early classes? A night class is offered. Many sections, different professors, different times. Large lectures mean you can often show-up, sit in the back and attend a lecture you missed. The lecture may be online, as review. Dropping a class, you likely don't have to go and plead your case to a counselor. You just drop it. Start with 18 credits, attend for awhile and drop the 1 or 2 classes that are giving you trouble. Twelve credits is light but still full-time. If your freshman, for their first semester was taking more than 12, that could have been a big part of the problem.
I attended a midwest huge university. It could take 50 minutes to walk, in the dark, in the snow, often blowing snow - no way was I attending an 8am or even 9am class. Graduated in 4 years+1 summer and changed my major 3 times.
I attended a midwest huge university. It could take 50 minutes to walk, in the dark, in the snow, often blowing snow - no way was I attending an 8am or even 9am class. Graduated in 4 years+1 summer and changed my major 3 times.
Anonymous
12/30/2023 10:23
Subject: freshman woes
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:OP -are you sure they already haven’t been asked to leave? This happened to a cousin -she was told to leave her Slav because of grades in a foreign language and for failure to attend school. She was given a letter outlining the terms under which she could return. Her parents weren’t told (FERPA) and the kid moved out of the dorm in with friends and pretended to her parents that she was still attending. Her parents would have never found out except that someone opened a letter from the college mailed to her home (where she was supposed to be).
Did the parents pay for college?
Doesn’t matter under FERPA. Colleges don’t want to deal with parents. That’s why both of mine signed the FERPA waiver. And yes parents were paying for everything and spending money not knowing she was living now in an off campus apartment doing nothing
Did the parent pay tuition to the school? What happened to that money? It's hard to believe the school would just pocket it for someone who wasn't enrolled.
Yes, parents paid. And there were modest student loans. After the child failed to go to class and got poor grades she was told to leave but given a list of prerequidites to return, which included going to community college and maintaining a certain grade in certain courses. The student had finished one or two terms so there was nothing to refund.
Anonymous
12/30/2023 09:57
Subject: freshman woes
Anonymous wrote:Professor here. When students are willfully choosing not to attend class it's a hard thing to turn around. If they're openly admitting to that it's often coming from a place of defiance or ill-fit or inertia. Each semester when I reach out to students who have poor attendance about half don't respond, most of the rest have excuses, and a rare few are just like "yeah, I'm not going to class."
It's possible they might be in classes they like more in the spring, or in classes with friends who encourage them to attend, so maybe ask about that?
If you can afford it and they are willing I'd make a plan and set some check-ins and try it again. If it's a financial hardship or they are truly apathetic or unmotivated to change, I'd take gen-eds at a CC and revisit returning next year. If they like the school you can usually take a break for a limited term and not have to reapply (and if you decide to transfer you can do that too).
OP again. Thank you for this - it's helpful to hear your perspective. Some of lack of attendance was due to oversleeping and some was deciding not to go, neither of which is excusable. You're right that things could change next semester based on the classes, the time of day, the content, the professor, the classmates, etc.
Also, thank you to the PP who said "It's a human you believe in." and for the reminder that this is a stumble and I'd like to support my kid so they can get back on track if they are willing to put forth the effort.
And no, they are not non-binary and not struggling with gender identity. I'm just being vague.
Anonymous
12/30/2023 09:38
Subject: freshman woes
Professor here. When students are willfully choosing not to attend class it's a hard thing to turn around. If they're openly admitting to that it's often coming from a place of defiance or ill-fit or inertia. Each semester when I reach out to students who have poor attendance about half don't respond, most of the rest have excuses, and a rare few are just like "yeah, I'm not going to class."
It's possible they might be in classes they like more in the spring, or in classes with friends who encourage them to attend, so maybe ask about that?
If you can afford it and they are willing I'd make a plan and set some check-ins and try it again. If it's a financial hardship or they are truly apathetic or unmotivated to change, I'd take gen-eds at a CC and revisit returning next year. If they like the school you can usually take a break for a limited term and not have to reapply (and if you decide to transfer you can do that too).
It's possible they might be in classes they like more in the spring, or in classes with friends who encourage them to attend, so maybe ask about that?
If you can afford it and they are willing I'd make a plan and set some check-ins and try it again. If it's a financial hardship or they are truly apathetic or unmotivated to change, I'd take gen-eds at a CC and revisit returning next year. If they like the school you can usually take a break for a limited term and not have to reapply (and if you decide to transfer you can do that too).
Anonymous
12/30/2023 09:35
Subject: freshman woes
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:OP -are you sure they already haven’t been asked to leave? This happened to a cousin -she was told to leave her Slav because of grades in a foreign language and for failure to attend school. She was given a letter outlining the terms under which she could return. Her parents weren’t told (FERPA) and the kid moved out of the dorm in with friends and pretended to her parents that she was still attending. Her parents would have never found out except that someone opened a letter from the college mailed to her home (where she was supposed to be).
Did the parents pay for college?
Doesn’t matter under FERPA. Colleges don’t want to deal with parents. That’s why both of mine signed the FERPA waiver. And yes parents were paying for everything and spending money not knowing she was living now in an off campus apartment doing nothing
Did the parent pay tuition to the school? What happened to that money? It's hard to believe the school would just pocket it for someone who wasn't enrolled.
Anonymous
12/30/2023 09:32
Subject: Re:freshman woes
Anonymous wrote:Well you really can’t “not believe in them” if they haven’t given you anything to believe in. That requires them deciding and committing.
It’s a human you believe in. It’s a vote of confidence, encouragement that young people need when they stumble.
You are not some headmaster handing out report cards!