Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My name is who I am, OP. Why would I change myself? My husband never wanted me to change my name either. Our children have a hyphenated name, to reflect both our families: my husband and I each have a different national and cultural background, so it was important to us. Which means there are three last names in our nuclear family. It doesn't bother us, and it doesn't bother any medical, border control, or government administration of any country in which we hold passports or residency permits.

You seem to have lived under a rock all these years. Women have been keeping their own names and identities for generations. Any man who thinks their wife should change their name is strange and weird, unless he'd be fine changing his name to his wife's if that was her preference.

Meh, your name not who you are. It’s your father’s last name.

OMG, please stop with the "it's your father's name" argument. Not everyone carries their father's name, in many cultures people carry their father's and mother's surname, and when they do carry their father's surname, why should they go through a bunch of paperwork to change from their father's name to -presumably- their father in law's name?

Anonymous wrote:My husband's last name was, I kid you not, Dickstein. Mine is Fisher. We are now, both, Fishers. Sometimes the reason is that simple.

I didn't see any reason to change my name. (Or, as OP prefers, my surname.) My husband didn't care, and I like my own name.

Married 15 years.

Anonymous wrote:Relying on survey experiments with U.S. college students, studies have shown that name-keeping women are viewed as less committed and less communal than name-changing women

You should make your decisions based on surveys of college students. I'll go another direction, but godspeed.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My name is who I am, OP. Why would I change myself? My husband never wanted me to change my name either. Our children have a hyphenated name, to reflect both our families: my husband and I each have a different national and cultural background, so it was important to us. Which means there are three last names in our nuclear family. It doesn't bother us, and it doesn't bother any medical, border control, or government administration of any country in which we hold passports or residency permits.

You seem to have lived under a rock all these years. Women have been keeping their own names and identities for generations. Any man who thinks their wife should change their name is strange and weird, unless he'd be fine changing his name to his wife's if that was her preference.

Meh, your name not who you are. It’s your father’s last name.

This is the dumbest argument of all the arguments. "It's just your father's last name! You shouldn't be attached to it!" Then why is her DH attached to his name? It's just his father's last name, not really his!

No, your name is your name. It is the name given to you at birth that you have had all your life. The idea that it's really a name when given to a boy, but just a placeholder for girl children until another man claims them and superimposes his name on her, is pretty much the entire reason women don't want to change their names. The idea that you think it's a winning argument to tell a woman that her name doesn't really exist and she should just conform to whatever her future husband prefers, is . . . dumb.

Relying on survey experiments with U.S. college students, studies have shown that name-keeping women are viewed as less committed and less communal than name-changing women

Anonymous wrote:Oh forgot to say, we were an interracial/ethnic marriage and his name sounds very Anglo and I did not want that for myself.

Imagine a white person saying that about her husband’s name for a minute.

Anonymous wrote:My name is who I am, OP. Why would I change myself? My husband never wanted me to change my name either. Our children have a hyphenated name, to reflect both our families: my husband and I each have a different national and cultural background, so it was important to us. Which means there are three last names in our nuclear family. It doesn't bother us, and it doesn't bother any medical, border control, or government administration of any country in which we hold passports or residency permits.

You seem to have lived under a rock all these years. Women have been keeping their own names and identities for generations. Any man who thinks their wife should change their name is strange and weird, unless he'd be fine changing his name to his wife's if that was her preference.

Meh, your name not who you are. It’s your father’s last name.

I felt the same OP. I was thrilled to get a new name. I’ve never had a nickname and I was sick of my name. I’m grateful to have the same last name as my kids.

My grandparents and great grandparents had names that changed thorough their lives. They had baby nicknames, kid nicknames, adult names and then they often changed their name too. One set changed their last names because they wanted to. My grandma changed her middle name because she didn’t like the one on her birth certificate. All of this was informal. Can you imagine the social security office letting you do this now? You have to do it through the court and it takes a long time.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People may think you are a divorcee or a difficult person if you haven't taken the last name. I said the silent part out loud, it does matter

This is so not true.

Yeah at my kids elementary school the moms who changed their name are a clear minority.

Anonymous wrote:People may think you are a divorcee or a difficult person if you haven't taken the last name. I said the silent part out loud, it does matter

This is so not true.

I always liked the idea of changing my last name. I don't like my last name and am not close with my dad. I'm fairly traditional.

It just seems like such a huge PITA. I have multiple email addresses registered under my real name (it would seem odd to send out resumes with my married name and then direct to the maiden name email - but I don't want to make new email accounts). I have a million online accounts registered under my maiden name using those email addresses. All the credit cards on those sites are in my maiden name. I have various financial/retirement accounts, all registered under my maiden name. Updating them all would be a pain. But if I don't update all that stuff, then if I get Driver's License with married name, it wouldn't match all my accounts and credit cards, and eventually the old maiden name license would expire and couldn't be used as proof of identity. So do you then have to carry a birth certificate if you go to a bank where you have some old account in your maiden name?

And that's before thinking about travel and work-related things and my professional license. And medical records and insurance.

Obviously people do it so it's not insurmountable, but it seems like too much hassle to me.

Oh forgot to say, we were an interracial/ethnic marriage and his name sounds very Anglo and I did not want that for myself.

Having different last names than your children does not cause problems with international travel - even if the mother travels alone with the children. There are many cultures where married women don't take their husband's last name. It is very normal.

My husband's last name was, I kid you not, Dickstein. Mine is Fisher. We are now, both, Fishers. Sometimes the reason is that simple.

Because it’s a lot of paperwork and I hate paperwork. It has never caused a single “problem” and I regularly travel internationally alone with my kids, who are biracial and have their dad’s last name. If it’s not a problem then it’s never going to be a problem anywhere.